The severe anxiety and depression that I suffered during my PhD occured definitely because I had no control of my own life. Comparing myself to other students; being around (in my eyes) 'godlike' academics; not knowing if my research was good enough; whether I would be able to secure full funding, and when I did get it, worrying whether I was 'worthy' of it which led to an abnormal fear of failure,prevented me from doing any work. On top of that, the reaction of family members or even strangers to the word 'phd' and 'doctor', meant that the burden was unbearable.

Hey guys,

Hope you are all well. Found a really good article about phds a few days ago. It is a bit depressing but i think at the same time it gives useful, honest advice to people considering doing a phd.

Go to www.plasticbag.org. Then click on 'Academia' which should lead you onto a link titled 'What you should know before you begin a doctorate' by Tom Coates. Let me know if you have any problems getting to it.

Congratulations vagabond, on getting the job- and thanks to everyone on this forum who have replied back to my posts to give their opinion on my situation. Looking back at my phd experience (and reading through the posts on this forum) its amazing how when we start our phds we just think about study- but then the study area, places where we study, difficult supervisors/colleaugues etc- get in the way of the goal. Makes you think,if it weren't for these distractions, then everything would be ok- but, like everything else in life, you don't get everything handed to you on a plate. Oh well...

I have yet to make a decision on whether to stay or leave (keep on changing my mind every two minutes- typical) but what i DO know is that i love research- can it be possible to continue research without doing a phd (i don't want to be a lecturer or teach)- like, become a research assistant or something? Anyone have any idea? (i know i should discuss this with my supervisor but I'm absolutely terrified of him. Comments would be much appreciated- thanks

I have the same questions as foxy's post above. Question for coastalchick, how long were you into your phd when you left? I think I have mentioned it in a previous post but i did my phd for two years before taking temporary leave last year- has anybody ever, or heard of someone who has, quit a phd this far into a phd?- if so, please let me know as it would lift my spirits.

this is a very interesting and useful thread- all the points made are excellent, I have never thought about it that way.

But when you step back and look at it all you begin to put things into perspective. Chasing 'ideals' gets you nowhere, perfection can never be achieved. This Oxbridge girl is causing you alot of heartache because you only surround yourself with theories, books, uni etc. Maybe if you go outside the 'academic world' and meet all sorts of different people (not necessarily academic) and experiences then you will not think about this girl as much. And who knows, if you lower your expectations a little bit and relax you may find your ideal partner- who's not part of the Oxbridge set.

Whatever you decide, I think you should definitely speak to someone in person about your feelings and stuff. I hope my comments did not offend you- if they did, sorry. Good luck with everything.

I have read this whole thread for the first time today. It's a lot to take in!! I found it strange, bizarre and funny but now I also actually kind of sympathise- it takes a lot of guts to open up like that to complete strangers.

Jradetsky, have you ever thought of taking a year out from uni and travel the world or something and actually live life for a while? I'm not being funny, I kind of see where you are coming from. Being Indian, arranged marriage etc is nothing new to me- and I've always wanted to be with a certain person (he must be successful, very academic like me, must be a doctor, have status, and so on) so I can relate to your views on what your future wife should be. But I held those views at a time when I was obsessed with studying, when I could not see beyond academia.

You are understanbly exhausted and tired and you are not the only one-but think how good you will feel once it's over and done with. And it will be done because even if you are not convinced your supervisor says you are doing fine-surely that is a sign that all will end well?

I hope i don't sound too unsympathetic- i do understand cos i'm one of those depressed perfectionists. What you are experiencing now (panic attacks, stress etc) I was going through the past 2 years DURING the research stage.

I quit. There is absolutely no need for you to do the same. Hats off to you, and all you others, who have had the courage to come this far (to the actual writing up stage) and are now close to their goal.

Don't give up.

hey goods hope you are feeling better.

First things first, see your GP. Have heard that Betablockers are excellent medication in calming nerves (my supervisor told me so himself in the past)

Second, don't even think about giving up- i would understand if, like me, you had done absolutely nothing. But you are at the writing up stage with your research and findings in front of you. All that needs to be done is for it to be put into words. Ofcourse, this is no task and is like being in hell i imagine- but theoretically you have done the work (and more!) and all that needs to be done is the write up- you are nearly there so any thoughts of quitting are absurd.

i have tried to seek professional help, but it's not really working- am just constantly worried about the phd, what other people will think of me if i drop out (i have a reputation of being the 'clever one' at home). And then there is me- my own harshest critic- i feel as if i can't back out cos i have never failed academically and genuinely feel had circumstances been different, I would have been a good phd student cos i do love studying. Theoretically I still can be if i go back and carry on but i cannot forget the torture and hell of the past two years so things will only get worse.

I know that not having a phd does not equal failure but to me it feels like it does cos academia has been such a huge part of my life.
On a more positive note, if not the phd and an academic career, i do still want a career in research (something booky)- it's just the whole 'finding a job' thing and explaining the phd dropout decision that is a big hurdle

When I came back to the UK, my main supervisor had returned only to be shocked by how badly things had turned out- they all, judging my past record, had assumed that i would be 'ok and would figure things out on my own'. But he said things could be turned around and i should stay. Eager to please and not knowing what else to do I agreed. So for the next 5 months i went through more hell, not focusing on anything cos i was so demoralised- until one day i just could not take it anymore and had to get out.

What made me stop when I did?- I started the phd in Indian History in Aug 2004 but had to leave it in Aug 2006. I'm from Scotland, so moving down to London, having no friends, main supervisor leaving for one year to complete his research, other phd students and lecturers being competitive, intimidating, unapproachable with lots of experience in public speaking ( i had none so could not 'speak well' like them) shook my confidence and thus i could not focus on my studies. And then there was the fact i just did not have a clue what i was doing, so much that by end of year 1 I had nothing to report- not to worry i was told, just go to India and find stuff there. So I went there for 6 months only to really hate it even more cos it was just too different, culture shock etc. I stayed there for that long cos i was scared of what the reaction would be back home if i flew back.

this message is gonna be long...sorry, am just trying to work it out in my head.

I think i started this phd because my undergrad supervisor saw potential in me- i was so awestruck by the praise that i went along with it. But also because i have loved academia and studying and knew i would work hard, so i thought it would be a good move- it was a much more attractive choice than going out and getting a proper job like other students. (did not feel confident enough). So I did a Masters in Historical Research, (before beginning the phd) which I passed with distinction---after that i got a uni studentship to fund the phd- so i was all set

Hi guys,

Just wanted to say thanks for replying back to me with your comments. This website truly is a godsend, wish i had discovered it much sooner!!. Have been reading through various topics that have been posted and its a relief to hear that am not the only one and some students are going through the same thing- its even helping me to think about things and come to a decision (which i have still to reach) Message continues in next box (word limit sucks!!)