I don't know, Badhaircut - at some points I said, and honestly felt, that I hated research too. I can relate almost all of what the OP says to my experience over the past two years. But I did come through it, and am now storming away & loving it again. But I have felt so black at times in the past.

lemoncheesecake - did you ever consider that you might be depressed / suffering from work-related depression? It is more common (especially in PhD students) than you might think. I am not a doctor, so please don't take this as a diagnosis; this purely my own experience talking. I felt terrible but started taking St. John's Wort, and realised that I had actualy been depressed all along, though not able to "see" it.

Sending out lots of positive energy to you, anyway!

Ask for a deadline from your supervisor. Preferebly a small, achievable, short-term deadline (ie - I will write or do this next week, and email you to to send the writing / report back on how it went by the end of the week). Most supervisors are more than happy to do this, and it is no means an admission of failure on your part. I have it on good authority that the "real" academic world, most academics use conference paper deadlines / writing lectures etc to give them a kick-start with their research.

It is difficult to say without knowing the person or context. Some people just think differentely about words. So, when I say a paper was "nice" I mean "that was really satisfying and heart-warming to listen to", but some people might mean "that was average" or even "that was slick."

For me, personally:

"that was fine" = yup, okay, you fulfilled basic requirements, but no great insight / excitement.

"that was good" = one-up from the above, fulfilled basic requirements and a bit more besides / or that was better than might be required. Still room for improvement, though.

"that went well" = that was a success - no slip-ups and a positive outcome.

Also, bear in mind that crusty old-school academics can be notoriously reticent about giving praise. I once had a paper accepted for publication, which my supervisor had said was "fine". Heh.

Hope that helps.

When I tell people what my thesis is about, and they go all quiet and then say "ooooh - that sounds amazing". That's definitely a high But it took me two years to get to the point where I didn't run for cover whenever somebody said, "So - what's your thesis about". But I am a humanities student ...

I like the buying clothes idea. I vote you go out shopping with friends and try to find the most inappropriate outfit possible for a Viva. Don't buy it, just amuse yourself looking for it ...

Really & honestly this is all just part of the process. The more you do it, the better you will get at it. You couldn't ride a bike without stabilisers at first, right? Or swim without arm-bands? Your supervisor was just being your stabiliser and arm-bands ... it was actually a really supportive act, even if it didn't feel like that. She obviously cares about you & your work or she just wouldn't have bothered. You are doing fine! Don't quit! Keep going!

If you read back over this thread, I think the issue here was not whether it was okay to take a break, which is obviously essential, but whether taking the entire summer off was a good idea, which it cleary isn't ...

Hang in there - you're going to be fine. The fact you have a dream post-doc position speaks volumes about your ability and enthusiasm for your subject. Your supervisor is just not a nice person, obviously, but - yes, as other's point out - will probably get away with it in a way she wouldn't elsewhere. Sending you lots of positive energy, anyway!

Hmm, yeah - I think if you did just spend your whole summer on holiday you'd screw up the PhD, even one in arts & humanities ...

O Stoll & Corinne -- can you please stop now? This is all off topic. Please sart a new thread to argue between yourselves on. Anybody would think you were flirting

Doing a PhD is a special kind of Hell.

Yeah - I'd say the isolation is the thing to be aware of, especially doing something like English Lit. Make sure you build up a *wide* support network of friends (ie - not just people doing PhDs in your department!) and try to get out a lot (day trips at the week-end are good). Also, depeding on your temperament, don't be too hard on yourself - reward all the little achievements as they soon add up to a chapter!

Anyway, this has come out more like advice than what it is like. I guess I would say it can be isolating, consuming & demoralizing ... and these are just a few tips to make it not like that.

Yay! Me too! And I had the worst start imaginable ... wanted out so many times. Keep going & you will get there. The love will come back.

I start the day in front of the glowy box of wonder (TV), with tea & toast, watching "Just Shoot Me" then "Will & Grace". I always take that hour for myself in the morning, whatever the work situation, and it really keeps me sane!

And I entertained lots of fantasies about "what if it had worked out ... " In the end, they're the hardest bit to let go. I think you just have to accept that it wouldn't work out. The intense feeling is really & honestly a result of the power dynamic (how nice to have somebody to worship & to be worshipped by somebody respectively). It is not real love because it is not grounded in reality. Please get out. Don't make my mistakes.

We fell in love. There was a real intellectual, emotional and physical connection like nothing I've ever felt before (though see late comments). We got very close ... emailed every day ... same situation with blushing in meetings (except also lots of "looking" involved too). Eventually, I confronted her with it & she admitted it, but then after flipped out. Would barely speak to me and ducked out of professional duties (not answering work emails etc). I didn't feel I could tell anybody, so suffered not only the emotional effects but also the work-related effects. Eventually, thank god, she left (wanted me to go with her as a supervisee but I said no!) Got a new supervisor. However, the pain was intense and ongoing. Led to severe depression and lack of work. Still couldn't tell anybody! Now, after a lot of support from family and friends (as well as counselling) I'm okay again. We're even on professional speaking terms. Was it worth it? NO.