been away for a bit (see leaving phd...) I have just caught up with this thread and its still made me laugh abit but i was actually close to tears at one point. jradetzky - go see someone, not necessarily a sexual counsellor but just a general one, yes you may have some sort of psychiatric problem but a very highly functioning one. I think that everyone who is on this thread could completely sympathise with your feelings of a broken heart and the fact that you felt that way - willing or not - says that maybe you have protected yourself in the past by your high expectations from what you dont know and are unsure of

coastal protection guidance and policy (dont like the policy bit - supervisors keep pushing their own agenda)

H - Not related to coastman but obviously we are equally unimaginative in chosing our names
I am hoping that i can use the time doing something really productive - i want to talk to my supervisors about trying to get soemthing that could be published (it probably all just a pipe dream given that i haven't done any real work for ages). I have been really unhappy with the direction of my phd over the past couple of months so i am hoping i can drag it back into interesting topics until the end of march.
Matthew82 - the money is in my account but isn't if you catch my meaning - brought a house last year and really cant afford to pay them back especially if i dont have another job to go to (hopefully it wont be the case) i have saved some of it but again would rather i could keep it. Besides i really would like to feel that i left on a high note and was productive with my work

fart and sperm are neck and neck

um, November would be the last time i did work...

Urges are great!!! jradetzky - do not deny yourself!

third - it is not just modern society that sleeps around so dont try and stand on some moral high ground. Each to their own and we shouldn't even think of judging others for how they live their lives (unless they are killers, rapist etc or people who watch big brother sorry)
jradetzky - i feel a little sorry for you - i completely agree that you should never lower your standards but you may have to accept that your search could be that much longer then someone who doesn't require such a long list of attributes from a wife. Also have you considered that you may meet someone who ticks all the boxes but that there is still something missing? Or that she may not be looking for someone like you?

OMG! This thread has made laugh so hard!!! I am also completely shocked. Firstly - please can youtell me what demoniation of christianity this girl believes (not to be fussy, espcially given my lack of practicing faith, but you cant really class all christian denominations the same and therefore the followers are just as different). You could have saved yourself alot of hassle if you had done your homework - do not covert thy neighbours wife - simple - this girl believes this so there is no way should would go off with you. Sorry to be harsh but i am just following her logic.
Second - i really can understand that there are people out there who dont want to sleep with anyone before marriage but do nothing???? That is complete insanity - you are actually denying all of your own natural urges and probably creating more problems for yourwelf in the future.

i dont have anything embarressing that i have done in front of my supervisors but i have had quite a few moments of 'god what was i thinking'. Alcohol has99% of the time been involved but why am i never drunk enough to forget the mortification - it rears its ugly head years later and wont leave me alone.

Now, does anyone have any advice on how to actually leave? HOw the hell do i deal with my supervisors given that i dont want to leave before the end of march or face paying back my stipend???

If you are thinking of leaving - only u can make the decision - &probably none of your friends will be able to fully understand why, because they haven't been there themselves, so bare that in mind when asking for their advice or support. I considered starting a phd a career move - to get me where i believed i wanted to be - and i have tried to look at my decision to leave in the same light, it may not work for you but it helped me.
I just wanted to let anyone facing this decision that it is not quitting or taking the easy road, that, unless you are a masachist, there are no guarantees that continuing along an unhappy will make you happy afterwards.
oh and there is nothing i can say that will help you when you tell your parents - disappointment is a word parents should be banned from using!!! They'll get over it eventually (mothers take longer - 'you mean you wont be a doctor???')

Leaving is a lot harder then sticking with it when you are unhappy - you are facing the unknown again - and all the extra stress that accompanies that. But it is a positive step - you are proactively holding your hands up in the air and saying, it wasn't for me, i made the wrong decision, but now i am trying to put that right and get myself on the right path.

After about four months of indecision and many more of unhappiness and confusion i have decided to leave my phd (leave - not quit!). Yes there are two year itches and the doldrums, whatever, the point is that i realised that,for me,after weighing up both sides, the stress and worry and unhappiness my phd was causing was not worth the positives i was getting from it, either now or in the long run.
Leaving was not an easy decision - i felt the usual guilt and anxiety and 'may be i should just stick it out' but i tried to look positively &5productively at what i could gain from leaving. I realised that the things i wanted to get out of a job (after my phd) were obtainable now and also not necessarily dependant on me having a phd or even working in the area of my phd...

Hi there,i've been surfing round some forums about those wanting to quit&have heard some pretty helpful stuff and, upsettingly and suprisingly, some pretty useless and hurtful stuff from people i can only assume are mean spirited (insert your own swear word here)'s! So i thought i would add my own experience and thoughts (in lots of little posts as i keep being told to reduce its size)...