But you are strong xeno! Much stronger than you think! When I started studying under my former supervisor it was clear from day one that her thought was: 'she is going to quit in 4 weeks time!'. I thought: ' you don't know how wrong you are!!!' I studied furiously, and results were there, she couldn't do anything about it. In the end, although our relationship wasn't idyllic I think that I earned some respect. But I don't deny it, it was very tough at times. However I am still here, more determined than ever.

It is much more difficult when you don't have this support, but you can make it.
Of course the field you are in also play a role. However, I would like to encourage everyone to build relationships with other scholars, members of staff. Also outside your own uni.

I really sympathize with the all the writers here who have problems with their supervisors. I had a very difficult relationship with mine. I only managed to go through it because I focussed constantly on my objectives. But it was tough. This person has now left this uni and I have a new supervisor. Things are much better, although it's still early to say. I attended a seminar the other day, by one of the PhD students in our dept. and she had her two superiors there. It was such a pleasure to see them asking questions and interacting with her - it was clear that they both knew every detail of her research and enjoyed being there! I was a little bit jealous I must admit. Things like this help your self-esteem enormously and also give you sense of purpose and self-motivation.

My old supervisor would have said: 'you don't have enough time to do that!' So I sent abstracts without telling her, then I told her when I got the acceptance. It worked fine.

The expression I was referring to was actually: 'emotional types'. It doesn't change the juice of what I meant anyway. Cheers.

If you read my first post I think that there was little space for misinterpretation there. But the point is that we only look for what we want to see - often superficially. I also feel that a little bit of kindness when expressing opinions would cost very little and bring a lot in return. I don't mean that you have to agree with whatever is on the table.

Of course o.stoll, we are still friends. Sometimes I find it difficult relating to your way of approaching people/problems. As I said intercultural differences may come into play. I respect your opinions, although I don't always share them. My point is in fact that we may disagree and have fierce arguments, as long as they respect other people beliefs, background and values. What I don't understand is why RogueAcademic continues with this -honestly tiring and irritating habit by now- of using derisory expressions when referring to differing opinions. Well, I am one of the 'romantic type' and proud of it. With this I mean that I RESPECT other people's feelings and I do feel that I am not in the position to teach anything or judge anyone . All I can offer is my humble opinion and moral support if I can. I suffered a lot in my life and as a consequence I am sensitive to other people's problems. I don't feel I need to justify this to RogueAcademic or anyone else here.

The spelling mistake must be due to the low sugar levels. That was 'clash' of course.

This must be that thing called 'intercultural clush'eh? O.K I take it on board. I am going out for a Pizza now. Buon Appetito!

@ o.stoll. I called myself out of this thread earlier on because of the climax that some people created here. If there is someone patronising that's certainly not Lamp. I think that there are enough people who knows how to save the world. Well go out there and do something useful then!!! If you are not interested in the thread it's just enough not to open it. Your attitude is that of some old fashioned parishioner who watch other people's lives from the spy hole and then criticize. Everyone can express their opinion. the fact that you are successful in your PhD does not entitle you to judge anyone. If you cannot offer any constructive opinion you are better to focus on your dinner then! (end of story - I feel so much better now!)

Clearly a couple of thousand years of Christianity didn't teach me anything. RogueAcademic sits at the right of God the Father and 'knowns' how Lamp feels and is ready to label her feelings as 'teenage hormonal emotions'. Thanks for this Rogue. Next time I want to know how I feel about something I will e-mail to you. This said, I am out of this discussion.

I think that nobody here said:' go ahead and enjoy it'. We all expressed our concerns for Lamp's future and recommended her to be very careful. However, I just don't understand the attitude of some people here. I don't feel part of the group who feel have the right to throw stones from their little pulpit and judge other people's lives every time that someone does not comply to their vision of the world. It's matter of something called mutual respect. Nobody writes here to waste their time, we write here either to express our joy or frustration or to ask for help. I should thank all the people who took the trouble to have a kind word for me when I needed it. But I belong to a world were fallacy is human.

I don't think that there is any need to be sarcastic Matt, whatever your opinion.

Hello PinkNeuron! Lovely to hear from you! I was thinking about you just yeasterday. I know what you mean. I couldn't possibly imagine myself without my PhD work. In spite of the up and downs, the dark moments, etc. I am happy to hear that everything is going o.k and that you are already geared up for future research. Your little ones are very lucky indeed!

Dear Lamp, o.stoll is always very direct in his answers. You have all my sympathy and I understand what you are going through. However, there isn't any other way to put it. o.stoll is right. You need to put these feelings at the back of your mind. For the sake of your PhD, your future and his. As one of the posts said, it often happens that we feel attracted by someone we work closely with. We probably share more with our colleagues than with our partners, at least in terms of time! I would consider your situation from another point of view though: perhaps these feelings for your supervisor point out to the fact that you are not happy with your current partner. The answer is likely to be that you are not, and in this case, I think it would be wrong to rush into another relationship - whoever the prospective partner might be. You need to address this, then focus on your PhD. Then, who knows what is going to happen in three years time.