Thank you so much for your replies. You are so right Sim! Indeed we play this game on our own. This is part of the problem. I really miss someone to share this emotional turmoil with. My partner does his best, but he is very career-oriented and seldom at home.
dazednconfused -hopefully I spelt it correctly! -I did speak to my new supervisor and he said that there is nothing to worry about, and that I am doing a good job. I would like to be able to share the same opinion! Rationally, I understand that I am being unreasonable, but emotionally...I need to have a bar of chocolate right now! A big hug to both of you.

[part 2] I am very happy about it, as I didn't expect to get to this point at all. The problem is that now I feel under pressure to produce something outstanding all the time. I cannot concentrate on anything and try to do 200 things at the same time, because I can only see the 'bigger picture' and don't manage to break it down into small chunks. I feel depressed and scared that if I continue like this I will jeopardise all the work that I have done so far. I think that my self-confidence was probably built on a very flimsy basis. I am the one that tend to work in a dark, little corner, and when suddenly I got some recognition for my work, it just scared me to death! Sorry about this tantrum. I just don't know how to get out of this. Is anyone in the same situation?

When I started my Masters it took some courage to get back into the academic world, in a different country and a few years after I took my undergraduate degree. However I felt full of energy and took every opportunity to learn without thinking too much about how I was going to perform. I am not saying that I did it as a leisure activity -I would have stayed home reading novels otherwise -but it was a 'vocational' choice and I did it without any financial or moral support from anyone. Actually my parents thought that I was wasting my time. So, as I was studying and working at the same time, our conversations were limited to the 'job' side. Then, unexpectedly, things took a 'competitive' turn. I got a distinction with my Masters, started my PhD last year, and suddenly got some awards.

Hi jojo. Don't be discouraged. My parents would suggest the same thing to me! It is difficult to understand the effort and anxiety that accompany the completion of a PhD for people who have a different background. Ultimately you know what you want to achieve and if this job is right for you. Moreover, if you decide to go ahead it doesn't mean that you must do that for the rest of your life. This is going to be only a first step. So, I would suggest to value all the pros and cons and then do what you think is best for you.
Don't be discouraged. Ideally, our loved ones should support our decisions. Sometimes, this does not happens. Standing up for our choices can be difficult, but necessary. Best of Luck for everything!

At my Uni it's a must. You must apply to AHRC or whatever other external possible source of funding if you want to apply to the University/ school bursaries. Then,if you get AHRC and University funding you must give up one of the two as far as I know. But I don't know anyone who as been so lucky!

Well, I was lucky because I always had a clear idea of what I wanted to research. My PhD topic is partially related to the research I did for my masters and when I started I had a considerable amount of background reading behind my shoulders. But this is not the case for everyone. If you have just started your research is normal to feel uncertain about what direction to take. I have just begun year 2 -today!- and still feel uncertain about the structure of my thesis. Things evolve as you go along. By the end of year three I expect them to be substantially different from what I planned at the beginning. Your supervisor should be able to help you by suggesting further reading and discussing options with you, but do not expect to find the magic formula. I am afraid it doesn't exist!

I agree with Badhaircut. It depends on the stage of your research.
You have my sympathy. Relationships with supervisors can be very difficult. I would like to stress the importance of tackling the problems at the beginning. I know of people who took three years to complete an MLitt full time, due to problems with their supervision! It is not necessary - nor you should expect -to make friends with your supervisor, but you should get help and support when necessary. I had problems with mine. I had to learn 'to work around' some corners. I now have a new supervisor and I hope that this change will be for the best! What area are you in? Is there anyone you can approach in your department?

Hi Chris. I included as much as I could in the three pages we were expected to hand in! I started by summarising the objectives of my research and the methodology I intend to use. I highlighted some key publications that I read, what I have written so far, the archival material I found; the papers that I presented at conferences; libraries/ archives/ institutions where I worked; awards, courses attended, etc. what I intend to do in the forthcoming months.
The interview was fairly straightforward, but I had a couple of unexpected questions. Nothing to worry about anyway. Good Luck!

Well done Verdy!

I disagree Orian. It is true that a PhD in Humanities has less chances to get recognised outside academia. This said, I think that it also matter of how you brand your skills with the prospective employer/s. If you are smart enough you will be able to acquire a number of 'transferable' skills through the PhD experience that can be very attractive, but it's up to you to advertise this in the right manner. The PhD itself has no value if you don't fill it with something other then researching archives and libraries and being able to write a piece of sustained and original research. Because it is much more than that, and you build it up by doing training courses, teaching, organising and project managing research, presenting at conferences, publishing, etc. I wouldn't want to hide all the above at all, but advertise it widely and loud!

Thanks Verdy & Jojo. It's great to be able to share this with so many nice people. We all go through this process of effort, expectation and either elation or disappointment every time that we apply for funding. I didn't want to apply this time around, as I was convinced that I was going to get another rejection. Well, I was wrong.
So I would like to encourage everyone, Pinkneuron in particular - because I feel very close to her - not to surrender. Sooner or later your hard work and perseverance will pay off, be sure of this. It's not unusual at all to get an award in your 2nd or even 3rd year. So do try again!

Thanks to you all. I still feel like I have just come back from a trip to the moon. I think that it will take a few days to get used to the idea. I got so many rejections in the past, that I cannot believe it. I am afraid that I am going to wake up tomorrow and find out it was a dream, or indeed a mistake!
Good Luck everyone for current and future applications and thanks again for your nice words!

I cannot believe it!!! I think that I need to drink something strong.
I got the full AHRC award!!!
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the big envelope in the letter box this morning.
No one is around campus today, but I needed to tell someone. Anyone else got the great news today?

I agree with Eppi. Never apologise in advance. I was at a big international conference recently and one speaker - a widely published, renown scholar - started her talk by saying: 'I apologise, this is my first power point presentation...'. Audience was puzzled and I started to look for faults in her presentation. So definitely go there with confidence and everything will go well. Good Luck!

I started working soon after my undergraduate degree. Then, after a few years, I had the opportunity to do some TA work at Uni and it became apparent that I wouldn't have gone very far without a PhD. As I have an undergraduate degree from a foreign uni, doing a Masters was a must! So I did that and I am at the end of the first year of my PhD. It worked very well for me. I don't think I could have achieved so much if I had done it straight after the BA. I am much more focussed and motivated now.