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Quality of PhD graduates
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What would you try to say? You personally dislike a person and want to characterise her as an evil. She did everything bad and wrong. So what? Is what you say making you happier? I do not think so. Just move on and concentrate on your study/work and forget about her and you will be fine.

MRes application
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It is unlikely that something goes wrong. I have done MRes but to be honest, I think taught Master has the advantage of being "normal" and understood by all universities all over the world. The MRes gives you the possibility to publish and might be considered as a practical experience. On the other hand, if you get a distinction in taght Master, you have a high chance of getting a PhD.
To sum up, rethink again (quickly) about pros and cons for MRes vs taugh Master

Advice
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What would like to do? PhD? are you looking for a funded PhD?

Paper accepted at IROSWorkshop
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Conferences are different levels. Maybe this is not a top conference but maybe it is also not a low level one. I do not know all conferences in my field and of course my knowledge is less in other fields.
Attending the workshop has many advantages. First, the paper will be available in the proceedings. Second, this might be your heighst honour and might be your marketing key for applying for PhDs. When I started to apply for PhD, I wished I had a paper even in a crap conference. I had back then written in my CV the name of the paper I have "reviewed".
To conclude, if you can afford to pay the fees, it is definitely worth.

Research Assistant or Research Internship
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You can look what research interests you in dept. Then look at staff pages (if there is any) and contact the ones whose research is close to what you want to do. If itis not clear, look at publications of dept and cotact head of dept, readers and lecturers whose publications are more relevant to your interest.

Research Assistant or Research Internship
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Sure. The best way to communicate with supervisors is their email from Uni website. You can also send a letter if you do not get a reply. The worst thing they can do is not replying so there is nothing to lose.

MRes
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I have done MRes. As you probably know, it is a research degree. If we say PhD is 3 years, MPhil 2, MRes 1. But as PhD tends to be 4 years, MRes also tends to be 1.5-2 years. What I can advice, you think quickly in thesis format and in writing. If the official submision time is for example end of September, you would have until the end of December to submit without the need for a formal extension (please check at your uni also). The key is to be careful of timing. In PhD and MPhil, you have to add a contribution in your field. In MRes, you do basically research but it has not to be "very novel". Do not put unrealistic goals which will not fit the time frame (even PhD students fall in this trap).
If you can a publish a paper or two, this might be your golden key to be admitted to a PhD.

what are my chances of getting a funding for my phd
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This link does not work. You have not given any information about your grades or anything.

Sharing my viva experience
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Quote From rewt:
Congratulations Dr Walker!

Also it sounds nice to hear that despite them disliking your results, your writing was more than enough to make up for it. A lovely reminder for people with awful experimental results that it is possible (even if yours were good).

I totally agree with your statement. One of the main things that did not go well in my PhD that I did not have a solid innovative concept. So when experiments went bad, I was left but with nothing. The solid coherent story that is well written is more likely sufficient for PhD students to pass even with unexpected experimental results.

Horrible masters viva - examiner conduct
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Congratulations. I have told you :). Now look forward and all the best

PhD suggestion
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You can google of course but I have a different opinion about applying. Everyone googles and if there is a position, again the competition is high. If you send an email or maybe a paper letter to a supervisor offering him that you can work voluntarily with no salary for an initial period (let us say 3-6 months), you would more likely get a reply and there is a good chance that you receive a positive reply. You might think I want to get a paid position but in my opinion getting a foot in academia is worthy.

PhD suggestion
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Hello. Unfortunately the competition is very high for non EU students. One way is to try to search for a PhD studentship that accepts non EU students but pays tuition for EU/Home fees and pays a living stipend. This means for example you have to pay 13000 GBP and you get around 3000 Home/Eu and stipend around 13000 so you end up with an annual 3000 which I suppose is fine as your partner is getting a salary.
Meanwhile, I strongly recommend to contact potential PhD supervisors in universities close to your living place and ask them for volunteering research jobs. This will add to your CV and if he/she is happy with your performance, he/she might find fund for you to do a PhD or hire you as a research assistant.

UK or Austria for PhD
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Hi. If there is a visa that allows you to work in the UK after finishing your PhD, go for it.

PhD application waiting time
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Two days are very short. It can take from a week to 3 months. Just wait. More likely you will get a reply either for shortlist or rejection. Less than5% do not reply at all if rejected

How to Keep Sanity intact after being forced to quit first year of PhD
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It is sad what you have ben through. But this supervisor is not God. He cannot expel you from paradise. Just move on. Put that horrible experience behind you and look for a job. After one year or so, think again about it.
Cursing your supervisor and the system won't help you to recover. Just try to put that behind and look forward. Easy said, but hard to do I know. The only way to go.