That sounds awful - I'd be interested to know where you're studying, though appreciate you probably don't want to say!

I hope it's not like that for me, because one of the things I was looking forward to about quitting my job and doing the PhD is having more freedom and flexibility about how I work, and be able to work fairly independently and use my initiative about the direction of my project (obviously with the advice and support of the supervisor, but not having to be accountable to them for every minute of my time and everything little thing I do.) Your situation sounds similar to mine at the moment (micro-managing boss).

As for commenting on your dress, certainly in science it's normal for the staff to be in jeans/t-shirt, never mind the students! Maybe if you're in business school or something it's different, but it seems weird to me.

How much flexibility do you have in terms of the direction of the project? i.e. if you choose the second one, would you be able to push it more towards areas that interest you? If not, then 3-4 years is a long, long time to spend on something you're not really interested in, I imagine I would find it pretty hard to stay motivated.

I guess it depends a bit on how you expect to work, if you're going to be very independent anyway, then the supervisor relationship is less important, but if you're going to have to work very closely with him or the project will require a lot of his input, then I can see it could be a problem...

Hmm, well for me 'waiting' is going to have the opposite effect, as I have the stability you all talk about right now (long-term relationship, we own our house, we both have well-paid professional jobs) and I'm about to throw it all away (well, the job anyway, hopefully not the relationship etc!) to embark on a PhD and hopefully a research career. If anything I've probably waited too long, maybe it would have been better if I'd had the baby earlier. But if I'd done that, maybe I wouldn't have felt I had the freedom to choose the PhD, I would have felt trapped in a career I hated because of pressures to be a proper responsible mother. There's a lot to be said for not having children, I am starting to feel, not least the freedom to follow your own hopes and dreams, and fulfil your own potential.

It's a shame to have to make that choice though. I hope I haven't left it too late, and there will stlil be an opportunity for me in the next few years. Maybe. For all the media scare stories about infertility and the dangers of being an older mother, there are plenty of women having babies in their late 30s and 40s with no problems at all. It's not the ideal age physically, all other things being equal, but in real life other things are not equal, and there are many other complicating factors.

It's an issue I've given some thought to recently as well - I'm 29 and will be starting a PhD this year. I would quite like to have a child some day, but it's not an all-consuming desire for me as apparently it is for some women. Also I made the decision that if I had to choose between the PhD/research and having a baby, I'd choose the research, I guess because I feel any silly girl can churn out babies, but not everyone can do scientific research, and I feel I'm making more of a contribution to our collective future by doing this than by producing yet another unnecessary human being in an already overpopulated world.

But then I hold my cousin's little baby girl, and my heart melts and I wish I could have a little one of my own. Hopefully there will be an opportunity - I hear the final year of the PhD is not a bad time for it! But I'm not going to miss out on opportunities just so I can reproduce, I think I'd regret that more than I'd regret not having a child, and would end up resenting the child for it. I guess I'm a bit influenced by my mum, who was a real star academically and loved her research - she could have gone far, but gave it all up not long after her PhD to have children, and was never anything more than a (reluctant) housewife and occasional part-time school teacher. I felt she never really forgave us for that, though of course it was her choice.

Soup is a good idea. I often make my own, a big pan of it keeps in the fridge for several days and will provide you a few lunches, with some bread or toast. I find tinned soups usually taste horrible, and the fresh ones e.g. Covent Garden brand are nice but expensive, and can be a bit excessively salty if you care about such things. Making your own is cheap and easy when you get used to it.

I usually have it for dinner/supper, not lunch, as I'm out at work all day and have my main meal at midday, so it's nice to have something simple and easy when I get home.

The leggings fashion is weird. it wasn't so bad when people used to wear a short skirt or long tunic/jumper over them, but now they don't even bother doing that. It just looks like you're wearing tights but forgot to put your skirt on when you got dressed. That's the sort of thing I have anxiety dreams about doing...

Thanks all for your replies, sounds like it's normal-ish but there's a huge amount of variation! Conferences etc are all a long way in the future for me anyway, I have to actually do some research and have something to present first...

Mine is going to be a MRes+PhD where you take some taught courses in the first year (at least for the first 3 months). This is a fairly common structure, but there are still plenty of traditional PhDs where you focus on your research for 3 or 4 years with no formal taught aspect. I've known some people sit in on a few undergraduate classes during their PhD if they need to gain knowledge in a particular subject.

You're definitely not limited to term/semester times, a full-time PhD is more like a full-time job, though depending on your subect/supervisor you might have a fair amount of flexibility about the days/hours you work, compared to most jobs. If you're doing it part-time, that's a different matter, I guess you have to discuss and negotiate with work/manager and university/supervisor to work out how much time you're going to commit to each thing.

I don't see why you shouldn't ask your supervisor informally about it, in fact I think you should. she should be in a good position to know what sort of applicant they're looking for, and hopefully will give you a fair and honest opinion about whether you're eligible.

Also I tend to feel you might as well apply for everything that interests you (within reason) and that you're at all eligible for, the worst that can happen is you don't get the position, and while that would obviously be disappointing I don't think it's anything you or anyone else would need to feel embarrassed about. These things are competitive and plenty of smart, well-qualified people get rejected. But if you don't apply, you definitely won't get it!

After several rejections and sinking into general despair about the whole thing, I've finally been offered a funded PhD position. It's an amazing project, perfect for me, the supervisors are nice people I can imagine working with, it's a (very) good university, all is good. I just had a concern when I noticed the travel allowance seems to be £1000 per student, for the whole 4 years. That doesn't seem very much to me, especially as other PhD-ers I've known have attended several overseas conferences during their 3 or 4 years, including Australia and north America which are hardly cheap to get to. £1000 isn't going to go very far if it has to cover plane fares, accommodation and conference fees!

Does this sound normal/reasonable to other people? Are there other sources of funding if you need to go to conferences? it would be awful to have the opportunity to present at a prestigious conference but be unable to do so because of lack of funds. Or am I misunderstanding something here?

Yes it seems to vary a lot - I've seen some science studentships advertised as early as October (for starting the following autumn!) while some don't appear until the spring or even later. There are no hard and fast rules about it as far as I know. It's best just to keep an eye on findaphd.com or university/institute web sites throughout the year and see what comes up.

Why would you not include the MBA in your CV? Surely that's quite an asset when looking for jobs in finance??

Most of the big investment and retail banks and financial services companies have graduate programs - just look at their websites. I did one myself when I graduated, and still work at the same company, though now I've got a PhD offer I won't be there much longer!

They're very competitive though (I got a lot of rejections before getting a place) and it's true that most people will be younger than you, however you do get the occasional older person who's been a mature student. I guess it can be an advantage, if you can make a strong case for how your employment experience so far makes you suitable for the job. The only thing to be careful about is check if you're still eligible to apply as a graduate given that it's been a few years since you graduated, some programs have a cutoff time after which you have to apply as an experienced hire instead.

I think I would send a card, with just a brief message saying how sorry you are for his loss, the family are in your thoughts etc. it's very unlikely he would be offended or find it inappropriate.

I understand your feeling of awkwardness though, it's always impossible to know what to say when something like this happens, even if it's a friend, and doubly so if it's someone you don't know very well on a personal level. I'm lucky enough to have never been in such a situation, but I think I would appreciate any gesture of kindness, and knowing that people cared.

Yes, you need to think carefully about why you want to do the PhD. I wouldn't bet on it bringing you better career prospects or higher pay etc in corporate HR, you'd be better off spending those 3 or 4 years gaining experience in the workplace. If you're considering academia or are desperately keen to do research in this area, then it's a different matter.

I've applied for several, and it's varied a lot - one got back to me the next day, one I heard nothing from for over a month (I'd assumed I hadn't been shortlisted given the long silence, but then I got the email inviting me to interview). I'd agree with waiting at least a week before asking, especially if you're dealing with the supervisor directly and not an administrator.