Hi all , I've just started a life drawing class, had my second session tonight. The thing is, I did this years and years ago at A'level and going back to it is really making me see how I have changed as a person and I'm wondering how much of it has to do with the PhD and teaching experiences I've had.

I find myself thinking the tutors are talking horse manure quite often and passing arbitrary personal value judgementsas though they are facts, and it's really offending my sense of artistic decency and good practice, and I found myself wanting to tech them how to talk about drawings in a omore constructive way. Anyhow, I am not the teacher here, although I did make my point quite clearly in the group. Do you think the PhD experiences raises our expectations? And our capacity for vocalising it? I've always been confident in those situations, but now it seems as though I have gone off the scale on that score.

I do really enjoy the class, but I can't help saying when they keep repeating this dogmatic rubbish about the drawings as if the more they say it the more we'll believe it. Am I destined, as a PhD student and lecturer, to be a cranky renegade in any classroom situation from here on in? Or do you think this is a one off situation?

hhmmmmm, yeah and we have to be careful that we don't end up being an above board version of the essay writing websites that keep posting on here.

Yeah, I can definitely see why students are becoming more assertive - I would be too. But, I've also experienced students who blame the lecturer when they haven't attended or put any effort in. I think this kind of thing puts us lecturers in a really tight spot -we aren't given enough time to teach properly -I can never teach the way I would like to because there just isn't enough time: I will only see many of my groups 4 times in a semester, 8 times in a year... But we are under this ridiculous pressure from students to perform at the highest standards.

I'll be more morivated to keep copies of my registers after this... It'll be interesting to see what decision the judge makes.

I have to get back to PhD work (writing) today, having spent the last week either shopping, sleeping or doing lighter weight stuff for teaching - due to my traumatic expeience last Monday. I really want to get going but still need a bit of a push to get back into the water, and I thought a public announcement of intent might do it, so here it is:

I am about to write for at least 2 hours, see you later...

hey Keep Calm, I'm sending big hugs! You will be fine. I always feel like this until I start speaking to people and find a 'friend' or two to pally up with. But everyone's in the same boat. I doubt they're fed up with you, they're probably just in a bit of a nervous tizzy and didn't check you off their list when they should have done.

Good luck, I'm sure you will be fabulous.

I do read chic lit occasionally. I get completely immersed in it for a few days and then don't touch it for months. My bed time reading is reveal, closer or similar - gets me off to sleep within a couple of minutes, and I re-read old copies. There are two in my bed at present.

No, Bleebles, I can't understand it either. Who wants to hang around in the loo? V. odd... And if the long loo stays are not through choice then perhaps a copy of 'The F Plan Diet' would be appropriate...

Tamara Drew is so, so, ssooooooowwwooooooooowwwwwwwww worth seeing. Stephen Frears does it again, and one very, very good reason to keep the British film council afloat.

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Hii KB, I agee with Punk Sparkle and Bilbobaggins, and, personally, I would not put up with this and would be looking for another supervisor right now. For me, however heartbreaking leaving the good stuff would be, my mental health and well being would come first, no contest. What's the point of being a high flyer if you have no marbles or self esteem?

I think she is being particularly cruel on two counts: Firstly, she knows about your illness and is a professional in that feild, so she knows the damage she is doing to you and should rightfully be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Secondly, that kind of confusing mix of cruelty ad kindness is enough to send anyone off the rails. If she is so understanding about what she has done and so eager to make up for it then she knows how destructive her behaviour is, and she should get some help. I find people who have this kind of Jeckyl and Hyde character the worst, precisely because they muddy the waters about what they are doing and give you reasons to stay, take more punishment and eventully crack and/or end up like them.

I've experienced similar behaviour from my last supervisor and she was not a high flyer, also, my father behaves much as your sup does: Iron fist an velvet glove, and I've seen it in many different situations so I don't think it is related to the stress of being brilliant or anything like that. I think it is related to being an *rse**le.

My current sup is a legend in his field and is an absolute delight, very sensitive and very professional in his relationship with me. Only people who believe brilliance means covering the cracks of ther own shabbiness behave like this, and to me that's just a waste of a life and I have zero respect for them.

Hi everyone, thank you for all your supportive words: big hugs back again ((((( )))))))!


I did just sleep, watch TV and eat chocolate yesterday - not maltesers, but reisen, which usually do the trick for me. Today I got my hair cut, went Christmas shopping (it was the only way I could really justify a spending spree) and started a life drawing class, which was fab, so I reckon I'm ready to put my toe in PhD waters again tomorrow.

Thank you again x

Hi all, I'm not sure if the forum is the right place to say this, but I suppose I just need some reassurance or something.

I had a cancer scare on Monday - all is ok, but they found a big lump in my breast when I went for my regular annual family history tests on Monday. They gave me half an hour to get a sandwich for lunch and then I needed too get back for further testing. It turned out to be completely benign, so I cannot tell you what a relief that is. It was really scary though and I still feel a bit shaken up by it, tired and like sleeping all day. I think the fact that it all happened at the same clinic I used to go to with my sister (who died of breast cancer recently) made it that much worse. The staff all start looking at you in this different, serious way.

Anyhow, although it's a huge relief, I'm finding it really hard to focus on anything much today I just feel like sleeping and watching tv. But I feel really guilty about that as I'm not teaching at the mo so it's my time to work.

Hey good luck Sneaks, I'm sure you'll do it...

I hope this doesn't mean you are going to be leaving us soon. I would miss you!

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Yeah, something else I thought, which wisemonkey mentioned is that home ownership - or, more accurately, home renting from a mortgage company and life-long debt - is such an over inflated, over-rated thing in the UK. My Australian and German friends can't believe how much of our sense of worth we in the UK tie up in that. My German friend's parent both rent, they are in their early 60s, they both taught all their lives, and are perfectly happy with their situations. Things need to change in the UK on that score, I think - we need to make renting a more viable option, like it is in the rest of Europe and in Australia. I really like renting my flat, and will probably only leave it and buy for a bigger place so I can foster kids or to re-locate if I can't get a swap. Plus I'd prefer to rent from a good landlord when I'm old rather than have the burden of maintaining a house.

Hi 4Matt, sorry you're feeling this way. I think Joyce is right in saying that most people feel this way at some point - other peoples lives look much better from the outside, I'm sure. Also, 2-3 true friends is doing really well many people don't have any, but you're right to want more social contact where you are and I can only second the advice people have given you to join interests groups and meet people that way - maybe they won't be 'true' friends who are around forever, but they will enrich your life at this time.

I get quite down sometimes when I take time off and don't go away. I think maybe our brains are programmed to work over-time and then when we stop and don't have a focus we can go into a downward anaytical spiral; I tend to focus my emotional energy on the PhD when working and then when I stop I have like a catch up period of dealing with a backlogue of crappy emotions and worries.


On the house front, I actually think people like you and me (I rent too - admitedly I'm lucky because I have a very cheap and very nice Housing Association place) are in a really good position. House prices are going to fall dramatically over the next few years, and be at their lowest for decades just as we are ready to buy. I'd rather that than have bought one two years ago and go into negative equity, which some people probably will.