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How to consume Marmite (inspired by Sneaks): spread a thick slice of really good, freshly made white bread with butter; then spread marmite very thinly over this; accompany with a nice cup of tea and a sit down, and heaven will be yours.

This is a travesty. Please, Marmite lovers come out in arms! I can't vote again. It's yeast bi-product, and very good for you too, especially if you are vegetarian.

Hi Someone, I think you've probably done the right thing by arguing with him/standing up to him, and it's great that he's not speaking to you, he is out of your hair. The last post made me laugh because I thought to myself 'that's what I'd do' - tell him to fuck off that is! In my dreams anyhow... But I think bullies respond well to people standing up to them and being direct, let him know you won't be walked over and that you are strong. Luckily I have never experienced this kind of thing in academia, but I did at one of my old jobs: there was a department bully who routinely and systematically had a go at all the new staff, as if she wanted to test how far she could take things, and I confronted her when there was only the two of us around. I made it clear that I wouldn't put up with what she was doing in a very firm and forceful, probably a bit scary, way (you have to make sure there are no witnesses because these people have a habit of turning the tables and making accusations). I also never let it show that she was getting to me (which she did). She was fine, if distant, with me afterwards, but I never got any trouble from her again.

However! It doesn't sound as if your colleague is as bad as the one I encountered in my old job. I'd say mentioning it to your supervisor would depend on how far you think his behaviour will effect your work.

Who cares if you like each other? You're not paid to be loved up, just to work.

Marmite's top! The colluseum!

But Wally's info amused me: imagine the 70s Tom O'Connor ad - the kid says 'What's marmite Tom?' and Tom responds 'It's microbiotic waste, kid, try some...'

I really like raw (sprout)

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Hi Sneaks, no tips on PhD work, I'm afraid, but I can share m current experience. I'm meant to be dividing my days (when I'm not teaching) between marking the 140 essays which are piled up in my living room and PhD work, but all I can focus on is the marking, it's like I can't do both at once.

I don't have any deckies up yet, that'll come next weekend, so I'm still feeling like it's miles away. Have a bit of cabbage (or is it a giant sprout?) to sober you up. (sprout)

Hi Cobweb, No, I'm not doing any maths! Not my forte and I do want to finish in this life time. I've been looking at cultural and personal identity within a particular nationality and how it's represented in conjunction with ideas from a specific arts movement, and how that has formed a significant strand of a particular nation's identity on screen.

Benedict Anderson's 'Imagined Communities' is a good book on national identity, but I'm focussing quite specifically on one phenomena in representations of one nation, so I don't have a wealth of references on identity to hand.


As for chasing your tale... I spent most of my first year doing that. I thnk the first year can be a process of elimination as much as anything else, so I wouldn't worry. You are first year? I did remember that right?

Thank you CeCef for that fabulous array of post doc possibilities.

I'm mostly wondering what their purpose is, and if they are something we have to do, i.e. is it possible to get a lecturing post (fixed term or otherwise) without doing this, is it obligatory, or is it just a way of upping your research and funding profile if you finish without those things being strong enough?

Thanks to anyone who can help with this, and here's a mince pie - it's cyber so one will be enough for everyone, promise!




(mince)

Sounds like a plan Cobweb; I look forward to it unfolding.

I have a question! What kind of post docs can humanities people expect to be applying for on completion? The posts in my field all seem to be lectureships, fixed term contracts of .5s, so what are the choices there, anyone know?

We seem to be attracting an odd mixture of cheesey porn and intense spiritual evangelism at the moment, I wonder why.

I love you too Saeedpar, but this is absoluely not the place to explore that issue, so I'm afraid you'll need to move on.

Weeheeeeyyyy well done Clogsy! Clearly you chose the right outfit, here's a robin: fly free for Christmas(robin)

Hello Cobweb, I'm so sorry to hear you are in this difficult position. I have hesitatedin my response because I consider myself to have little experience in long term relationships, my longest so far has been 3 years and that was when I was a teenager! I usually average about a year before bailing out - I've made some really bad choices in the past.

But I do think about relationships and what I want from one when I do finally meet Mr. Eska a lot, in fact I see a counsellor about it! Along with various other things that cross my path as I go along.

I have been thinking about your situation and it strikes me that trust is fundamental to a relationship and at the moment it sounds as if he can trust you, but you can't trust him, for what seem very good reasons to me. In order for trust to be re-built both parties have to be fully engage in that process and it just doesn't seem to me as if he is. Ok, so many men view porn, as do many women, but for many other people it's an act, if done obsessively or routinely, which is hedging towards infidelity, it's taking their partner's sexual focus (and the emotions that go wth that) away from them (persoanlly, I also find it a bit sad if done in regular way - like can't you think of something yourself? And how can you let a bunch of total strangers dominate your sexuality in that way - even if only for a few minutes? I have high standards though, probably why I'm single, and maybe I always will be, but hey ho - sometimes I think my perfect match would be some Yogic monk, but I'm not sure if they have Monster Munch in the Himalayas...). But I digress, because the main issue in your situation is the fact that he has repeated lied about something that is hurting you in a relationship where trust is already fragile, for you, at least. If he can't give up porn, or just doesn't want to, then he needs to be up front with you about that, so you can make choices and deal with it - many women would enjoy his hobby, or whatever it is, so maybe he needs to find one that's likely to.

From what I have gathered from this post and others you are living in a state of mistrust and anxiety about your relationship, and currently, almost your whole life: your home, your PhD, your food etc are tied up with it and that is not healthy. I fear it could be wearing away at your capacity for trust more deeply than just this relationship, and it sounds as if it is cramping your PhD work. It sounds to me as if you are slowly suffocating.

My view is that you should start planning your escape, plenty of people go self funded and if they can do it, so can you. If I were you I would stay where you are for now, but start looking for work, and leave as soon as it's practically possible. Some unis automatically pay the course fees of any employees for any qualification, so it would be worth looking into that. You might find that with your independence established the relationship improves, I think it must be very hard to re-build trust in such an unequal playing field. But if the relationship doesn't improve, you would be more able to leave, you could get a loan for the fees, or maybe you will earn enough to pay part-time fees.

My blunt opinion is that your partner sounds like a selfish kn** he*d and you need to get away for the sake of your sanity, you ability to trust in future, for your current life and for your PhD. But I know neither of you personally, I just have these words you have shared here to go on, and really, only you can make tht decision.

Did anyone else notice the cyber people sh*gging on the right hand panel just then? The things that get people going, very odd...

If ou can find the tie, wear it, if not, then do not wear it. Do what is easiest and least stressful.

Precisely! I'm sure some knd soul who knows where to find the questions will help you out.

Have you got your viva today? Good luck if you have, here's a mince pie to help you on our way: (mince)

I'm sue you'll knock 'em dead.

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AAAAaaaaahhhhh, where's your IQ now Clogsy? Couldn't resist that..