Alpacalover - I think Come Dine With Me is morally superior to X Factor. I feel a little bit amoral, especially as I enjoyed it - it's a good way to rest the brain though.

Hi Sheena, thanks for that lovely post. I think today is one of those days to just give up on, and move on to tomorrow. I've been promised some teaching work at my uni starting 'after 2010', it's a new department so they're not teaching my subject at undergrad and MA level until then, when their brand spanking new department building is finished (your post reminded me about that: a glimpse of sunshine between the clouds), I do keep pressing them, and for other posts in the department. I'd love to move up there, I'm living 2 hours away at the moment, and 1 hour, plus bus journeys, away from my teaching job, so I spend half my life on a train, which is fine, but expensive even with a student rail card.

I actually work really well when I can, when I'm not whacked out, I tend to try and rest when knackered, so I can work at my best, but I'm just more knackered, and for longer, than usual - so I feel the sands of time slipping through the fingers. But yeah, it's good to have goals and write them down, I must start writing them down somewhere I can see them.

Thanks Nh, chocolate and inanity seem to be calming the nerves, and the brain. I think complete rest until tomorrow morn is in order.

Thanks Bonzo! It's dark where I live, so although a walk's a good idea, it's not that safe near my inner city flat. I'm going out for some chocolate which I will eat while watching the Richard Dawkin Programe on Darwin... Then watch X Factor! Might do what you said and work on the almost finished chapter outline while XFactor's on, and see how it goes. I've got my dance class tomorrow night, so that should de-fuzz my brain and cheer me up.

..

Thanks Bug! I haven't give you any advice because my head is too West for it to make sense, but yes, we are commrades in feeling like c*** tonight. But tomorrow is another day, so here's to feeling better.

Love Esk
X;-)

Thank you Bonzo, I think the writing I've done is alright, much better than what I've written in the past. I do worry that the quality of my writing, and thinking, will be below parr if my brain is fuzzy, like it is today, and that puts me off writing on days like this. I do love what I'm doing, I don't think I'm fed up with it, but you never know what that inner subconscious phder is feeling...

I did think about contacting my supervisor to let him know that I'm working, but feel I'm behind with things because I was ill for a week, I'm a bit wary of sending him unfinished work though - maybe just telling him what I've done so far.

I think I could just be beating myself up a bit because of my emotional state, but find it hard to get a perspective when I'm this low.

Hi Jemma, Thank you for your words. I don't have a deadline - he just said to write it until I am happy with it, and then send it to him - this is because, when I had deadlines in the past, I'd hand work in that I knew had big things wrong with it, but just couldn't get it done in time. I'm studying at a different uni to the one I teach at, and need the work because it's my only income, I'm self funded. I like the work, believe it or not, I love teaching my subject, I'm just really depressed about the state of things at the minute - things are getting to me more, I suppose, and the prospect of losing my job because the uni management want to make it an internship is demoralising. I also think I'd manage the teaching and rsearch fine if I weren't so down at the minute, I feel weighed down, as though I have weights attched to my arms and legs - this is since Friday night. I usually come out of this sort of thing in a few days, I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not going to be seen as a total slacker by my supervisor.

Hiya all,

Just want to off load really: I'm in a panic because I can't seem to get any work done. I'm feeling very, very low, for various personal reason - Christmas and accompanying traumas being one of them, being an over-worked and under paid session lecturer at a uni where they're threatening to make our jobs works experience, and on modules for which there aren't any outlines, or reading, to give the students yet another. I could barely get up and face the day this morning, I felt emotionally battered and bruised, although right now I'm feeling better, but only able too cope with XFactor or similar on TV. I'm usually quite a happy sort of person, but I'm dealing with some difficult and traumatic things at the minute and I feel knocked for six.

My supervisor is BRILLIANT, but it's taking me so long to complete the work he's set me, an outline of my PhD with 500 to 1500 words for each chapter and the introduction, that I fear he's going to think I'm crap, and I fear letting him down, he's sooo helpful and my work has come on dramatically since I transferred to him in May. I've been writing this, much improved, version of it for a total of about 6 weeks, although I was ill for a week of that. I wrote about 1000 words on Thursday (breaking for work at the educational equivalent of Beruit on Friday), and re-vamped a chapter outline last night - that took about an hour. I have two full chapter outlines left to write, and then re-drafting, which I think will take about a week i total, if I'm firing on all cylinders, but right now, I'm not. When I look at my work, I think: 'that looks so interesting, and so much better than it was, I can't wait to get going on it, but my brain is emotionally ******* so I just sink back into a stupor for a while, I just don't feel up to it.

I suppose I want to share, and see what your thoughts are, am I panicking unduly?

I got job satisfaction...

Thank you Walminski: I'll defo look into this!(up)

I'm single and I live alone! PhD is very different to undergrad, it's isolating and nothing like as sociable - you have to make a real effort to keep social contact in your life, so I can understand why you might feel lonely. But there are advantages to being single and living alone - we are completely free, and there's no one to nag us if we forget the house work or change plans at the last minute, when we're lost in our research - I often wonder how I'd cope if I had a partner. As others have said, you will find common ground with the other students, no matter what their age, and you can get involved in other uni activities to meet people nearer your own age. There must be hundreds, if not thousands, of third year and Masters students who are more or less the same age as you swilling about the place. Join some societies and see how it goes.

How very sweet and polite - people usually just post queries or give their opinions!

Welcome Fryda - love the name too. :-)

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Hi Stresshead,







I think many people go through a stage of thinking 'am I doing the right thing?' quite early on - a PhD is a big, scary reality to face! I know I went through a wobble, both about the massive commitments a PhD and academic are, and about my chosen topic - I loved the topic, but lacked confidence in my choice, ad my ability to keep up. So it could just be a wobble, and I suspect only time will tell.







As for self esteem and the PhD process: in my experience, it's helped me, because I am achieving and breaking new ground with something a care about, but it has been challenging; I think problems with self esteem often get much worse during the process, but then people, including me, seem to some out of the self doubt phase, and are stronger than before, with a solid sense of confidence (in the academic world at least). I've been carrying out major work on myself alongside the PhD too - several courses of therapy for that, and my sense of myself has completely changed in the last year or two - the PhD and the therapy seemed to work in tandem.  It's been very, very tough though!

Java, I don't think hiya started in Liverpool, it's just something we say - we drop the 'h' so it's more like iya. When I first met my South African friend I noticed that she said it a lot too - but it turned she was taking the mikey!

Lara, that's wonderful, and I'm glad the forum helped so much: it gets me through too.

CONGRATULATIONS Dr. Lara, we'll be seeing you name in lights soon then... 8-)