Thanks so much everyone, there's so much kind advice here - you know it really helped today - I worked from 11am to 10pm, 1hr 30min goals. But the support was which helped so much, and the positive perspectives. Nice to know others are feeling the same way as me - makes me realize that masters isnt as manangeable as I thought, but its not meant to be and I realize that's the challenge I guess.

Sure, I will log on here everyday and see how it goes - but today went well, so a little yay - thanks to you! (up) so hopefully tommorrow will go well, really hope it does and for you all too!

my bp was checked last wk was 165/95, feeling pretty bad when its up, alot. nobody understands

I agree. Have you arranged a meeting with a counsellor yet? Doing this is really important.

======= Date Modified 16 Jun 2009 14:43:01 =======
I agree with all. You sound like you NEED to see a specialist. I think that your health is more important than any degree. Have you considered getting an extension? #Also, ahve you spoken to your tutor/supervisor? What do they think about it?

I entirely support the suggestions of seeing a counsellor; it's a course of action I've taken in the past and has been nothing but helpful.
Did you realise that at alot of Universities it's possible to defer the dissertation component. That way you could finish your essays off (with extensions) work for, say, 6 months, and then write your diss when you're financially and mentally more secure....

======= Date Modified 19 Jun 2009 07:34:43 =======
======= Date Modified 19 Jun 2009 03:01:26 =======


thanks. I'm kinda thinking maybe i should pack it in, leave it behind for good

Sinead, remember that it's in *everyone's* interest to help you finish your degree. No supervisor, no tutor, no university wants to see students fall by the wayside - they want people to succeed. (Apart from anything else, it looks better for them!) And there *is* an understanding at universities of the sort of pressure students are under, and the way it can overwhelm them sometimes.

If you really need to leave to safeguard your health, of course you should do so - but you shouldn't take a drastic decision like that until you've talked to some people who can help you put things in perspective, take steps to improve your own state of mind (whether through counselling or treatment for depression, or whatever else) and suggest some practical ways they could help you finish your degree (extensions, deferring the dissertation etc.).

Everyone on this forum is happy to help as much as they can with words of advice and encouragement, but at the end of the day we can't *really* help you the way a counsellor, or your supervisor or your doctor could help you face-to-face.

Very best of luck Sinead and look after yourself.

======= Date Modified 19 Jun 2009 08:49:39 =======

Well, the doctor said I'm Not suffering from depression - thanks anyways -

Well, that's a bit of good news on the health front at least. Just because you don't need *medical* help though, doesn't mean you don't need practical help of some sort - so I'm sure it's still well worth your while talking to a counsellor and your supervisor.

Just because your doctor doesn't think you're clinically depressed, of course, doesn't mean you're not at risk of *becoming* depressed. So as well as talking to someone who can help you put things in perspective (and take some practical steps towards finishing your degree), try and remember to do the obvious things to look after yourself - eating & sleeping properly, keeping active etc. (I know it's hard to work up the motivation to go to the gym or for a walk when you're feeling down, but it really will help you feel more positive.)

Sorry, I feel like I'm patronising you now - not my intention. Best of luck.

In any case, it's probably not as straightforward as a Doctor declaring "you're not depressed". I haven't heard of any instances of doctors taking this tack as depression is very difficult to diagnose (you can't do a blood test for example).
University counselling services aren't just for depression any way; mine specifically runs sessions on managing stress etc...

Well, maybe you are not depressed. But maybe you have mild depression.
A counsellor would be good for you, not only because you may have mild depression, but also because a counsellor knows how to make you talk about things that are in your mind. Things that maybe even you haven't thought of and yet they can be bothering you, like (I guess it is a good question based on my experience) why did you end up with so much work that need to be done in so little time?
I am not judging you. I believe you had a perfectly good reason for that. It is just an example of what a counsellor might help you discover about yourself.
He/She can als help you lots of other staff, so you can have things going from now on. Seeing a counsellor doesn't always mean that you are sick or something!!
I'd love to have been able to see a counsellor during my MBA and the problems I had (regarding both the course and personal/health issues), but it wasn't possible since I was at a different country. Take advantage of this opportunity!!

I agree that it doesn't matter whether there's clinical depression or not. Counsellors are not just for that, they're there to help with people who're having difficulties coping with their course emotionally, for whatever reason.

Sinead, have you made that counsellor appointment yet? It's many days since I last asked you this. Would it really be so awful to see a counsellor? It might really help, honest! I've been to see a counsellor twice and both times I wasn't clinically depressed. Did the counselling help? Sure!

======= Date Modified 19 Jun 2009 19:29:45 =======
======= Date Modified 19 Jun 2009 19:28:56 =======
Thanks



I think somewhere along the stress way - sensibility was knocked out - so will look forward to getting that back. I was sensible in undergrad and beginning of postgrad. but with stress mounting/tough situations, I got extremely vulnerable and at over the past year I've been really very vulnerable and just out there vulnerable. I guess that's something I am learning to see, is how vulnerablity has over taken - guess the times will come back for more sensible days again. The feeling of being on a major rollercoaster ride, between me now and me then



You know when you start studying your area, it's all exciting, and you're really into it, really kinda like wow this is for me, really cool (as undergrad, and 2006-postgrad.)- it was really exciting semester 1/2006, "the feeling like you were getting somewhere, the beginning of your career" etc.



now coming through a stressful period (2006-9) of daily nasty occurances, I kinda feel displaced about the work, I'm coming to the end and kinda just like 'what is it', a desolate 'where am I' feeling, like 'where has the time passed' (I'm just trying to pinpoint what I mean, trying to find the appropriate expression). I feel displaced about life in general, who am I, where am I? what am I doing? where am I going? how/what/when/what/why/where is home? how do I start home? where do I start? - in a desolate way (and I'm actually nowhere at the moment)



Think my self-image has disintegrated to (down) - the feeling of who, what, where am I? (like coming out of a time-zone feeling and consequently being no-where, or no-where you know)



Have you ever felt this way? Can you explain it better, I'm not explaining it properly

The most displaced I've ever felt was 3 years ago when my life-threatening serious illness was proving very resistent to treatment and I was facing up to the possibility of dying quite soon. I couldn't relate to other people at all, their problems seemed so trivial, and I felt totally disconnected from the everyday world. I remember being at a research seminar in my department once and looking around the room and having very strange emotions about my position there.

I sought help. Obviously medical help to fight the disease (and I'm still fighting), but also help from the university counsellors and the chaplain to get through the immediate crisis. These people are there to help you. Please use that help.