being around the plebs was making his hair recede...

so the secret olive recipe divulged by ...

....Ann Widecombe was massaged into his scalp daily by the ever-doting SamCam

After a while, the ever-doting SamCam became a little bit less doting and stopped massaging. Dave turned to Satchi and said: 'Please continue, Satchi!' :-x

The professor turned around and...

The Professor, after having his scalp massaged, was walking across the road contemplating what to do with the rest of his day, when all of a sudden he was hit by a car, sadly he died...

... and turned into a ghost. Then he ...

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got into a conversation with Derek Accorah about homosexuality being a mechanism of Gaia theory that inhibits population growth

...but he didn't like Derek's views, so he...

possessed Derek and jumped of a really tall building

... thus creating a very complex dual ghost entity. Along came a PhD student to study this phenomenon, and ...

the PhD student discovered that this dual entity, which consisted of Derek Accorah and the professor, was capable of moving objects by the power of telekinesis...

'Oy! Never mind teleki-whatsit - what about my rhubarb crumble and custard!' shouted the VC angrily.

....so this dual-entity tried to bring the rhubarb crumble by telekinesis but....