(cont)
My supervisor is Asian, I am European, we are in OZ which also leads to heaps of conflict. I suffered silently for a year or so and then decided to make it an issue, i.e., talk to him about it and that I felt he takes things the wrong way and that I would like to speak about it openly so that we develop a good relationship. Miraculously, than worked. So now I double check every now and again that he is not offended. Sounds silly but works.

At the end of the day, they also want no frills relationships, perhaps.

I really feel like Gummi bears (Gummibaerchen)now. Can you buy them in Australia?

Thanks for your comments, everyone. Firstly, I should point out that my experience is individual and circumstantial. Had I joined another group at the same uni, I think I would have had a different experience. So this is not a general reflection on studying in NL.

Secondly, my main issue is lack of support. I have joined a sports club, but it is mostly Dutch people. That's been fun, but they don't understand my issues, and frequently cause me more stress with their comments and behaviour. My partner is back in Melbourne and hasn't spent long enough here to understand. My colleagues all have their "language" support groups -- I've only just found a native English speaker after 11 months. I think everyone assumes that because I speak my "native language" all day (which I don't, I speak a mix of EuroEnglish and Dutch), I don't need to hang out with other English speakers, whereas the others are told immediately "oh. there's a Portuguese/Chinese/German guy/girl on the 6th floor...".

Thirdly, I have learnt a lot in one year. Some things are better than in Australia, some things aren't. I am currently working with my group to get the seminar program up and running again and am working with the postgrad group to get some social activities happening that are not excuses to go drink lots of beer.

The Dutch do speak English extremely well (better than people I know studying in Australia), but the directness that juno mentioned gets to you after a while. My faculty is still very Dutch -- newsletters, webapges, dept. seminars etc. are in Dutch. I spend 4+ hours a week in Dutch class, but it takes time before you're able to understand. Our support staff are all Dutch (normal), the professors are all Dutch (at other faculties there are a lot of non-Dutch professors). At morning teas, it frequently happens that we split into two groups: Dutch and non-Dutch speakers. You really get the the feeling that there is a distinction.

I'm heading home next week for the first time since I arrived here. I plan to catch up with my ex-supervisors and other trusted friends/ex-colleagues and ask their opinions. If I decide to continue, then I think I will find a counseller, so I have an outlet to talk these things through

talking things through definitely helps. being swiss and studying in london, everyone else in my students' residence was in similar circumstances and we spent endless evenings in the kitchen chatting. nobody had the exactly same situation, but if you are willing to see beyond the differences, you will find the commonalities. my australian flatmate for example had lots less trouble with the english than me, but couldn't fly home for quick weekends. my south african flatmate didn't have to use plug adapters, but was shocked at the disinterest of students from "rich" backgrounds. so maybe you don't need to hook up with other australians - but definitely find people who can, in some way or other, relate.

the whole experience has also taught me the lesson that in some things, I am simply alone. there is no-one out there who has experienced the same, who can TOTALLY relate. at the end of the day, your personal experience is yours alone. it's the gaping hole between people. but it is also what makes you unique.

hehe, I was doing PhD in Amsterdam, and now I quit and start again in Finland.. I experienced what you are experiencing now; I don't like the way how the group was doing research, and it was not a motivating environment. somtimes, it is not a bad idea to start again!my new PhD seems so far so good, at least I enjoyed working more than 10 hours a day without even knowing that; when I was in amsterdam, I was staring at the clock to see when I can get off work..