Thank you everyone for your advice. The main thing is that I have been honest with my partner right from the beginning. I have even shown him the posts on here. He knows I love him and whatever happens we will make our relationship work and he knows my PhD is the most important thing to me at the moment. We have got together again after 22 years - we went out as teenagers, so there is a strong bond there. I knew he had children when we started seeing each other again and I have accepted them and thought about it long and hard before we moved in together. But the latest development is just something I didn't expect and can't deal with. The housing situation is complicated or perhaps eased in a way by the fact that I still own half a house in the part of the country where I am at uni. I can get rid of the tenant who is actually becoming a nightmare anyway, and I can move back in there so will be closer to uni and can concentrate on work. The problems there are that I will need to borrow money off my dad, which hopefully I can do as he is fairly well off, so I can pay towards the mortgage again but still pay towards rent for my partner, as we want to keep the house on for the future when hopefully his daughter will have her own place and I will have a job. The other problem with me moving back to my house is that my ex still lives there. He is away a lot so we wouldn't see each other that much and we are still friends. He is getting exasperated with the tenant at the moment so he will have to choose the lesser of two evils! Me and my partner would be able to see each other at weekends so we would be able to keep the relationship going. He has been very understanding but I know that he has to deal with his daughter and I wouldn't really want it any other way. She is not with the father of the baby any more and her mum handed her kids back to their dad as soon as they were old enough, so neither of them will play any part.
I had thought about taking a break from the PhD but I think taking a break from the situation by moving is the best option, as I just want to work on that and get it finished. We will have more choices then for our future together.
Thank you again to everybody, and I sympathise and empathise with those of you with similar problems.

I think you have made a sensible plan. Moving out doesn't mean breaking up - and it does sound impossible to work at home at the moment. I also think taking a break should be a totally last resort if you feel your health is at stake as it might be more depressing in the long run. Hope you can get this sorted out asap and get some peace.

I feel for you Pam. I'm also experiencing major hiccups on the road to submission. It's relentless. Recover from a crisis/situation and another one pops up that just can't be ignored. I've taken leave from uni for a few months and have resorted to full time work to ease a severe financial crisis. 40 hours a week serving 200+ people breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can hardly keep my eyes open. But none of them are hormonal teenagers. Small mercies :o)

I don't have any advice for you, just a message that you are not alone. Keep fighting for what you are trying to achieve. I hope things work out for you xxx

Hey, guess what has happened now?! My partner has just been made redundant! Do you ever get to the stage when so many things happen that it just doesn't affect you anymore? A friend told me that is a good attitude as it means you are accepting stuff and not stressing but thinking about moving forward. The good thing about the redundancy is that he does specialised work and the only jobs around seem to be in the same city as my uni or surrounding area. He has interviews lined up for next week only a few days after submitting his CV, and the salary he could get is twice as much as he was earning before as he had a bastard boss who took half of what he earned as he was sub-contracted or something.
So I'm looking at the positive. We could move back close to uni, he will be able to help financially if I need it, the pregnant teenager will probably stay down south with her boyfriend and the council will have to house her.

I have read some of your posts, pamw, and this one sounds all good and positive. WOHEY! Ups and downs of life, and endless opportunities for change. Life is great, right?!