And now if I understand you correctly, you are contradicting yourself. Oh, and name-calling. I am of course willing to take different opinions and advice into account- that is why I posted- but yours has been based on incorrect assumptions and a reluctance to consider the fact that your assumptions are incorrect. I have tried to explain myself as clearly as I can and everybody else on the forum appears to have got a good grasp of the situation. I am not sure why you are having such difficulty in interpreting what I have said correctly, or why you feel the need to be so unpleasant to other members of the forum and then claim that the reverse is true, but the forum is here for people to be supportive of each other, not to tear strips off each other and resort to petty arguments, finger pointing and name-calling. I thank everyone again for advice and support but suggest that we just abandon this thread before it descends into even more unwanted exchanges of insults etc with a certain poster. Cheers guys, KB
@Bennyhill Comeon Ben I can Spell be.
@keenBean I think You Also have Problems with temper etc. Try Kalms PhD_Smug n Wally Can help you.
======= Date Modified 29 Apr 2010 17:47:12 =======
KB, think back to when you were are school - do you remember the person who always wanted their own way, and used to sulk big time if they didn't get it? (including running out of the room, slamming doors etc)This person is just a grown up (ish) version of that child. The situation is very silly, and as far as i can see you have some options. Stop being so nice to them - which is quite difficult if you are an inherently nice person, which you must be or you wouldn't be suffering angst about this person's feelings. Ignore him, which is obviously not an option if you have to work with this person. Present this person with the facts, you have to work together, to do this you have to communicate, and therefore you have to be grown up about the problem, sulking is not an option, write a list of things you will have to talk to each other about and ask what they intend to do about it. If they refuse to do this, tell them to go to the supervisor and sort it out and then let you know what the plan is. Put the ball in their court, tell them that you are prepared to work with them, and if they are not prepared to work with you then they need to sort something out, tell them to start being professional and stop behaving like a child. if nothing happens, tell the supervisor what you have done to try to sort the problem out, that you don't want it to affect your work, and take up their offer to try to sort out the problem. Time is too short for you to have to do this, you have done your best, now let someone else have a go - and don't worry about it, get on with what you have to do and let this person sort it out for themselves.
Oh wow!! I am sitting in the middle of a german village with nothing around me but woody hills and a magnolia tree in full bloom and reading this thread!!
KB - the guy's being stupid. Feel flattered and then try to ignore such childish behaviour. If i must say this, I was recently turned down by guy on whom I had a crush. Since two hours after then I made a conscious attempot to get things back to normal and we are now doing 500 collaborative things and being good friends! It wasnt even 120 minutes of unprofessioanlism or discomfort!
I think there might be two things about a certain poster:
1. They might be familiar with the name Cleverclogs. or
2. We need to have a forum troll from time to time.
:-) Ignore!!
Bug
Hey KB, I agree with the earlier posts. I heard a similar situation to yours, I guess it's quite common. You're definitely not to blame as you've done nothing wrong and like you said, he's completely unprofessional. If he acts that way when you're working together, you need to speak to your supervisor about him. Don't feel guilty or hesitate about doing that, at the end of the day it's your PhD and you shouldn't let anything like this get in the way.
Hopefully things will work out :-)
CB x
======= Date Modified 29 Apr 2010 21:55:13 =======
You're too sympathetic towards this bastard, he doesn't deserve any of it. No offence, but he sees you as a weak character and is taking advantage of this. For starters you should have agreed for your supervisor to have a word with him. Now it's become so bad you need to complain. He's clearly a complete weirdo and a pervert and only sees women as good for one thing and was probably friendly to you in the beginning just for that purpose. You should record everything he does and says in your compliant and insist the situation changes before you are prepared to continue with your work. You shouldn't let this weirdo get away with trying to destroy you for being a woman (this wouldn't have happened if you were a man).
Hi KB,
I haven't read all the posts but just wanted to say sorry you are having to deal with this guy's behaviour. I think you are being really kind by not wanting to get him into trouble. His behaviour is completely inappropriate. He sounds as though he is behaving like a little kid having a tantrum. If I were you I wouldn't hesitate to talk to your supervisor if he continues in this way, it really is not on.
Good luck
Thanks guys for all of your wise words. I think you are right after all- I have been so concerned about causing a fuss and not getting him into shit that maybe I have been too nice and should just not put up with it any longer. Any more of it and I shall speak to my sup and have it over and done with. I think I've been so caught up in the middle of it that I've lost a bit of perspective on the situation so it's good to hear your views on it. Thanks Satchi, I did have a good day yesterday aside from being mildly irritated from our fave person's posts! And verypoor- I think you are right, he probably is taking advantage of my too-good nature, although I don't think many people would call me a weak character! But I do take your point! Cheers all! Best, KB
======= Date Modified 30 Apr 2010 13:31:00 =======
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