14) British women are among the most beautiful he’s ever seen but none of them would make a “potential virtuous wife”.

15) People from the Southern USA make him “puke”.

16) Married couples cease having sex after they have had their children.

18) “Love should be the basis of any marriage”, or should it? Emotions “such as falling in and out of love are not as important as commitment”.

19) Is looking for “data” on long-distance PhD relationships.

20) Can’t stand gay males as they are scary and certainly wouldn’t tolerate a gay son.

21) And, to conclude “I would have thought that because you (PhD students) were intellectuals” you “should have discovered something more interesting than sex".

The decision is yours!

Two questions (to which I think I know the answers).
1)Have you ever had a girlfiend?
2)How do you reconcile casting judgments on those who are in relationships when you yourself have no experience other than your scientific theories read from books? (rather like someone who sits in the stands watching and decides how football should be played without ever having kicked a ball in their life).

Since you're into quotes, here’s one I found:
“I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it”.--Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird)

To sylvester:

Two questions (to which I think I know the answers).
1)Have you ever had a girlfiend?
NO
2)How do you reconcile casting judgments on those who are in relationships when you yourself have no experience other than your scientific theories read from books? (rather like someone who sits in the stands watching and decides how football should be played without ever having kicked a ball in their life).

I consider myself to be an observer rather than a participant in the world around me, that's why I do a PhD in management rather than being a manager at a firm--I tried and it was too stressful for me. I love to theorise, but I like others to implement theories.

Seriously guys, believe it or not. This thread is being really helpful because I think you've helped me diagnose a personality disorder I was not aware of. It is called "Schizoid personality disorder" (SPD) and is characterized by:

-Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affectivity.
-Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
-Consistent preference for solitary activities.
-Very few (if any) close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such.
-Indifference to either praise or criticism.
-Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
-Indifference to social norms and conventions.
-Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.
-Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person.

In your words, a weirdo. BTW, believe me, there's a bunch of us (plus Aspergers) doing PhDs at Oxbridge.

Hey Sylvester, I'd missed the Graham threads!

Well, I've got to hand it to you (assuming you're not a WUM), you are impervious to every bit of advice offered on here and dismissive of any way of life other than your own. I guess there's simply no point me stating that observation is no substitute for experience.

All I can do is to wish you well in your search for this girl. I suspect it will be a long and ultimately fruitless quest given your very narrow and inflexible criteria.

One more point, I didn't call you a weirdo (it's not a term I would use for anyone), it was actually a term YOU used in an earlier post which I reproduced.

Hi Coastman, a long time since we spoke, how's it going?

Hi jradetzky,

I don't think you will ever find the girl you think you are looking for. I don't think you are really looking for anything. You will probably be better off on your own. Mostly as I believe that there aren't any girls out there who would actively seek someone like you, unless they themselves have major issues. In that case, I'm not sure you should put together two people like that.

Yeah, long time. Hope you got a lot of work done while you weren't posting! You lucky...

To H:

From what I've read, SPD people do not really look for other people as we're natural loners of the Eleanor Rigby type. I always suspected I had some sort of personality disorder, but was happy with my lifestyle. Until I met that girl who inadvertently "pulled the rug under my feet" and has left me so unsettled--she sincerely apologized for that because she never meant to do it. That was not supposed to happen, and now I'm looking for a rational way out of it and back to my old SPD ways. I think it would have been better never to have met her.

jradetsky,
On a note of seriousness here: I think you would benefit from seeing a doctor. If you do have SPD then they will diagnose you and you will be able to get treatment, be it medication, counselling or both. If you do not have SPD then you are obviously asexual and they will be able to get you counselling to come to terms with this.
On a purely personal note: being asexual is a sexual orientation (or lack of) just like hetero and homosexuality. Maybe you should try not to judge others by theirs in the future if you don't want to be judged by yours.

Nice suggestion Laura, but the NHS is populated by berks with their own ideas who argue about different diagnoses because they're each so keen to have their own little ego trip, and in the end the patient is left in limbo because of their petty little squabbling.

From what I've read, SPD cannot be cured, but it is by no means a mental illness or something like that, and is not life threatening or dangerous for the person or the people around him. In fact is just the extreme case of the introvert person that is so common everywhere. In my case, I don't think I could be picked out very easily--at least not in Oxbridge, where I feel so comfortable and at home, because in my home country I do stand out a lot--for my behaviour, and because I've learnt to mimick some useful skills like being charming, listening patiently to people, and winning over their trust--mainly for interviews for my PhD research. However, I know deep inside that it's all a lie and therefore it would be very difficult to have a long-term relationship with someone too normal, hence the "high" (or weird) standards I've set for my potential life partner, like the courtship thing and stuff.

jradetzky, all those symptons can be down to depression (as can lack of sex drive). You seem too friendly to be suffering from a personality disorder; I've had the misfortune to work with a personality disorder and she was toxic, really. You've responded calmly to every accusation made against you, which a genuine PD would not do. But I think it's possible you are depressed.

I agree.

And quite frankly, I think you are depressed because of your non-existant sex life.