What I meant was that looking to Christians may not be your answer; you have certain expectations (NSBM), but you can find people with similar views who are not Christians. And so your focus on Christian courtship is somewhat skewed i.e. you should focus on finding like-minded people

As for saying she's not that into you. If she knows how you feel, then she doesn't want to be with you. The idea of hanging around as a friend waiting to pounce is actually kinda creepy

Yeah, this is quite a bizarre thread. Just like PhD people ourselves :)

To SixKittens:

Actually, she told me she suspected my feelings long before I told her and she apologised for not having taken the steps to prevent it. However, she agreed to remain friends as long as we never met up on a one-to-one basis ever again (just like she does with her bf). As for the pouncing issue, like, what does "pouncing" mean? Sounds kinda violent and I would never ever do that to her, even if she wanted me to.

To SixKittens:

Like, is the combination NSBM + Oxbridge PhD student profile possible? I think I found a very rare exception, didn't I?

I don't understand the importance of NSBM, surely that is a personal choice only.

I'm a Christian, but I dont seem to have the same 'courtship rule'!! Not that I sleep around, but I think its good to test before you buy!

I don't want to sound crude, and I'm not advocating sleeping around, but would you buy a car before giving it a test drive?

Depends what kinda of car it is. In actual car terms I have twice [I was a busy chap at the time and they were reputable cars]. In the terms of this issue I possibly would if the 'car' looked like Charlize Theron.

If the car was Charlize Theron (or more likely Kirsten Dunst or Kate Winslet) then I'd test drive but never return to the dealership.

You want to make sure you're getting a nice pair of dice for the dashboard ...

A step too far?

They already have a nice pair

I can't believe someone finds Kate Winslett attractive myself [to make this totally a guy thread].

http://richarddawkins.net/foundation,ourMission

Don't let religion influlence your thought. Believe in yourself and do what 'you' feel is right...try becoming atheist.

ooops ignore me, I didn't read the message correctly...if the girl whos place you have taken is reading this she should follow the link (for some rational thought)!

Yeah, NSBM is a personal preference, nothing more to add.

I think comparing women to cars is not a good analogy, but a disrespectful one. Would you compare your own mother or sister to a vehicle?

I'm an atheist and I stongly oppose religions, however I think there are many principles of behaviour and happy living that are beautifully expressed by religion. The NSBM is one of them. I mean, what percentage of married life is spent having s*x? 1%? 5%? And what percentage doing something else, like having a conversation, doing home chores, looking after the kids, etc? 50%? More?

Having said that, I think modern libido-led relationships are starting the opposite (easy) way, ie, start with s*x, then everything else is overshadowed by it, making up the illusion of "happiness" and "being in love". That sucks.

Back to the original point, I think starting a courtship during the PhD is not good given the short time and the away-from-home factor. And then, when the couple finish their PhDs, it'll be really hard to find academic positions at the same place for both in order to realise the marriage thing. It's just not gonna work.