No I think that's totally out of order for them to ask you to speak to her! You should go back and explain exactly what you've posted, there is no way you should be expected to speak to her yourself! Stick by your guns - tell them you're not prepared to speak to her yourself as the relationship has deteriorated beyond that, and that you do not want her to be your supervisor any more. Tell them they have to find you someone else! Their job is to look after you and do what is in your best interest. Don't leave - carry on but make them sort this out. She should not be supervising students. They need to know this otherwise someone else is just going to end up with her and potentially quitting!

well, I was certain that I didn't want to speak to her, not least because she's unapproachable and it would make the relationship worse, but because she knows what she should be doing as a sup. HoS urged me not to do this by email, which I might have done, but it had to be face to face. Also said that whilst she should have come to my exam, she may have got confused with the second year exam, where the Sup can't attend?! Once it was obvious I wasn't budging, and said I'd rather drop out than continue to be Supervised by her (HoS def didn't want me to drop out) she told me to take a week to think about it and then come back to her, but that really before they gave me a new sup we had to try and salvage this relationship

Stick to your guns Epic. I think this is them just trying to save themselves the hassle of trying to find you a new sup. You wouldn't have asked for help if you weren't suffering. Let us know how you get on!

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Epic, your situation seems to be an extreme one. Obviously, your Sup. is whether incompetent or dislikes you. Some professors accept PhD students in their lab. usually because it is good for its image. and improves their standing when applying for national or corporate funds. Your Sup. seems to be using you like a toy for these reasons. It is better for you to stop with her, find a new Sup. or go on strike until the University does something positive instead of turning a blind eye.

I am surprised that in your field, your lab. doesn't have a weekly seminar that brings together all graduate students and the Sup. At these seminars, each student get to make a presentation about his/her work and receive feedback from everyone. I still remember the graduate seminars of my lab. when I was doing my Phd. It was pretty informal. We heard news about research, we had short presentations in turns, Q&A and discussions. The meeting time was pretty weird. As most of us stayed late in the lab at night, seminars would start around 10:00 PM and last hours. In one instance, we ended up discussing in a seminar until 1:00 AM in a relax and fun atmosphere. Once in a while, the whole lab would go to a restaurant to take a meal, go camping, visiting a nearby town and so on. These actions brought us close together as a family. Unfortunately, my Sup. did resign from the University and I have to slug it out alone the remaining miles to the PhD. Today, the roles are reversed. I have to take care of graduate students myself and continue the tradition. We are like a family down here.

I hope this helps you in some way.

Thanks for your responses. I was really disheartened that the person I spoke to seemed to want me to repair the relationship, however I went back to uni, took some more advice and emailed them to say I no longer wanted to be supervised by this person. I think they took that as definite. I also spoke to somebody else, who was really apologetic, and seemed to think the relationship was irreperable so I've had to put in a complaint, in writing, to them. Also found out that my Sup is notorious, she has a reputation, and there was one complaint about her before but it was dropped, so not on her official record. This makes me more angry that, as jobs are lost, people like this continue to keep them and wimps like me, constrained by funding, put up with being treated like this. I've wasted so much funding that it is likely I'll run over, at personal cost, but hopefully if I can get a new Sup I'll have a chance of passing, it's taken me so long to realise that it's not my fault/me being over worried.