My boyfriend was a complete arsehole when he was writing up.

I was a total harpie from hell.

We argued loads, and I considered dumping him as he would pick fights with me just to relieve the stress.. on the other hand, my libido (sorry if TMI) decreased to 0 so the physical as well as the emotional closeness was lost.

It was the toughest time for us.. and we've been together over 6 years, lived together for 4... Could I have coped with planning a wedding as well as writing up? NO WAY IN HELL... we would have split..

Thankfully neither of us want to get married and managed to stick it out through the tough times..

I tend to think that your life is in a state of flux when doing a PhD, so marrying at unsettled time of your life is risky. Why the haste? You have all the time in the world!

As an aside, picking up on what PC_Geek said I have also happened to notice what my heightened and sustained stress levels are doing for my libido. If I was single it wouldn't particularly bother me, but I'm not. Not good.

*sigh* Wish I had a boyfriend/husband

mathsnerd, yes she is in Aerospace while I am in Aeronautics. This gives me a positive push towards marriage in the hope she would understand the pressure for obvious reason. But she always puts our relationship on top of everything while I find that extremely difficult for me. So you know why I am confused.

DEFINITELY GET MARRIED :) WOOHOO.

all the best :)

@ catchianthe: tell you what, I'll be your "virtual husband" for the week; feel free to wheel me into any conversation you like!

Well I'm in my final year and already married and I really don't think the stress of writing up will start divorce proceedings. There are a lot of potentially very stressful things that can happen when you are married - this is just one of them. Marriage is for better or for worse - and sometimes it's worse! Personally I prefer being married doing this to single. And I totally agree with Rosy - if you want to have a life then you can't put it on hold for your work. Your work is part of your life - not all of it.

I have a young child and that is much tougher than having a spouse. You cannot reason or negotiate your time with a toddler because you have a deadline - you can't dump then in another room and close your office door.

I would say though - that if you are not sure - then perhaps wait. You may not enjoy the process as much at this time which would be a shame.

You're on, Hypothesis!

Seriously, though, I'm not married so I can't claim to have much experience of what the OP is asking, but I agree with the posters who say we can't put our lives on hold for this. We'll be putting it on hold forever! Also, I've got to say that by far my happiest time as a postgrad student was when I was in a long-term relationship and I had that added source of support.

just to point out, not all partners are supportive, not all of them will be happy for you, a lot of them won't understand you or make an effort to and even if they do, you won't be able to give them the time and attention they deserve alongside your PhD. on the other hand, you will not write up forever, so you might as well get it behind you and start married life on the right note. that said, if you do decide to go ahead, at least you know what to expect. all the best.

Rosy I think I know what you are talking about..good point

The decision to get married/be in a longterm partnership is a very individual one--or rather between two individuals, and what works for one couple may not be the case for another. I think Smilodon is right, you cannot simply put your life on hold, because life is what is happening to you nevertheless. If this feels like the time to marry, and you have a like minded partner, then do it--after giving due thought to all that marriage brings with it.

The PhD is hardly the most stressful thing your marriage will encounter. The first year of marriage is said to be the hardest--it is when you are making so many adjustments--even if and perhaps especially so if you have lived together prior to being married. Not saying this is the case here, but sometimes people marry because they feel it is the time--due to their age, parental or societal pressure, etc...that at 25 or 27 or 32 or whatever people assign themselves the task of being married--and then search for a partner, rather than doing it the other way round.

I am divorced and now single by choice as I head through the PhD. This is a very very individualised choice, and not one that is recommended ( or not) for anyone else. YMMV. Having endured a relationship break up at the start of the PhD, having struggled to balance the PhD and work, and now relocated into the country of my uni, I have decided that I simply want to put my head down, do the remainder of the PhD, and let that be my focus. I have worked too hard to get to here. I do not want the emotional highs and lows of a new relationship in a new country as I enter the PhD home stretch. Am I putting anything on hold? It does not feel that way. Rather, it feels that I am focused on a goal I have pursued for a long time and setting the path to it in the way best to ensure its finish. However, if I met a wonderful person today, I would not preclude them from my life! Its just not something I am looking for at the moment.

I chose to wait until after the PhD. Still waiting though and we've been together 7 years. It took a year to get on a PhD after my degree, then 4 years to hand in, and I'm still looking for a permament job over 6 months later-compounded by not wanting to move away from my boyfriend!

Thank you mates for all your comments. I am now planning to get into "trouble" by the end of this year hopfully