first of all lost in oz, I totally sympathise with you, about the stress, about the want of support, and about the indecision that can wrack your convictions about what you are doing. In the end only YOU can make the choice to stay or go, and its only YOUR needs that should dictate this. You cannot live for anyone else. Do not make major life choices because you want to please someone or because you think you "should" do something. This is as much for PhDs as for having children, getting married, taking a job. Listen to your gut. Is this not the right path for you at the moment? Nothing says you HAVE to finish, or canot take a break, or even just decide its not the right time for you. Its NOT failure.

Who has yieleded in their life to pressure to marry because they were 21 or 25 or 30 or whatever, and married who was around, not necessarily the best choice for them...and then had to live with the aftermath of that? Parental expectations DO guide our choices to a greater or lesser extent, EVEN when we are adults. Its hard to admit it but its there.

Just last night I was lamenting to myself the overachiever status in my head...more is not enough. Coming from a highly competitive and very intellectual family, its hard to shed those messages.

Its YOUR life, your PhD. You are the one who has to get up every day and do it...or not do it. Anyone who posts on here that says not continuing is failure is a $(£&$£)*£$. Sometimes the most courageous act is walking away--out of a doomed and unhealthy marriage, a bad job, or a bad fit in a PhD setting. It does not mean you cannot return to it some other day some other time. On the other hand, just because you feel overwhelmed and like quitting does not mean you should...to be honest, at some point every week I feel like that! I think its just part of the PhD process.

You have to be clear in your own mind about what you want and why. I know that this PhD is very important to me, with all its challenges and obstacles, and that is what allows me to work through the feelings of wanting to run away from it. Ignore the *£%)!!??@@~" on here and anywhere else that tell you its failure to not go on. Listen to your own heart and soul on this..and nothing else.

And last but not least...I DO and DID give my self permission to decide to back out of this...and that is how I came to the realisation that it was something very important to me to complete. In a sense I only got there though by really analysing it and making to myself very real the option of NOT doing it. Give yourself permission to walk away from it...and then see if that does not help clarify what you want and why.

I didn't say that Lostinoz was a failure if she were to quit her PhD. What I was trying to get at is those who are still reading the posts and replying when they have left. It is as if they regret leaving and can't let go. Someone mentioned marriage. If someone gets divorced, for example, in general they don't still live, or remain friends with their ex-husband/wife, unless there's children or other relatives to consider.

Hi LostinOz I was wondering if your feelings about quitting could be tied up with the fact that a family member has recently past away? Grief can take on many forms and can hit you at different times in your life. Is there anyone you could talk to about this?

I would suggest taking sometime out to think about things. Concentrate on getting healthy (start eating more etc) and then make a decision. This is too big a decision to rush. Although you can always start another PhD at a different point in your life you have come so far already it would be a shame to leave too quickly and then wish you had stayed.

What ever decision you make I hope you will be happy!!!

sm88,
Why are you hanging around this site if you are just going to make unhelpful remarks and try to ostracize people who are having a hard time with their PhDs? Are you trying to make yourself feel better by putting other people down? I thought the whole point of this website was to provide a peer support network for PhD students? people who have dropped out of there PhD are in the best position to offer advice on the subject matter.

everyone tastes failure ( as you call it) at some point in their lives. The important part is what you take away or learn from it. I wouldnt exactly call dropping out of a PhD failure. people quit jobs all the time because they dont like them or are just better suited to another proffession. nobody cares. why should a PhD be any different?

the next time you taste failure, remember the silly little post you have put on this thread,

enjoy your studies. smart ass

Failure might in fact be measured by not having the courage to leave an unsuitable situation, whether it is a job, a marriage or a PhD. So the reference to leaving a PhD as failure is bang out of order--no matter to whom your post is addressed. Would you call a battered woman a failure for leaving her abusive marriage? Would you call a prostitute a failure for leaving that profession and becoming a grocer or a lawyer or a banker? Would you call a drug addict a failure because they could not stay on drugs but choose a different life? The point being IF SOMETHING IS UNHEALTHY FOR YOU IT IS FAILURE TO REMAIN NOT FAILURE TO LEAVE

FURTHERMORE WHY SHOULD PEOPLE WHO GOT DIVORCED THEN RESIGN THEMSELVES TO A LIFE OF BITTER ACRIMONY? THAT PROFITS WHOM? QUITE FRANKLY IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, THEN YOU WILL WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM WHETHER IT INCLUDES YOU OR NOT. THAT IS WHAT LOVE IS--ITS AN UNSELFISH EMOTION THAT DOES NOT SEEK SELF GRATIFICATION FIRST. IF PEOPLE WHO LOVE(D) EACH OTHER COULD NOT MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK OUT BETWEEN THEM WHY SHOULD THEY NOT BE FRIENDS OR FRIENDLY IN THE AFTERMATH OF TEH MARRIAGE, AS IN THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. YOU DO NOT TURN LOVE OFF AND ON LIKE A TAP AND IF, THIS BEING A BIG IF, THOSE PEOPLE LOVED EACH OTHER THEN THEY WILL FIND IT VERY NATURAL TO WANT THE BEST FOR THE OTHER--EVEN ADN ESPECIALLY FOLLOWING A DIVORCE.

IF SOME OTHER RESULT OCCURS, QUESTION WHETHER THE EMOTION BETWEEN THEM WAS REALLY LOVE OR SOMETHNG ELSE.

Who is one of the people in my life most happy for ME about being in the UK pursuing a PhD? My ex-husband. He knows its my dream, and one I will work hard to achieve. Its also something I would not be doing if I were married to him--and he is well aware of that too. So what on earth is wrong with this? Nothing.

Assigning these very pejorative and judging labels on actions and making sweeping generalisations and unhelpful statements is out of order.

I would rather read a post from someone asking for a free posting or something.....its more suitable to this forum, as unsuitable as those may be.

The posts of people who have left their PhD for whatever reason and are now pursuing them again or some other option are far more valuable contributions, and far more appropriate, than posts slagging off those very people.

This is the point I was trying to make rjb203. You left your PhD, but you are still lingering on this site as if there is an element of regret that you left. If I fail or leave my PhD I will try to move on and get a job. I'd hopefully be too busy and involved with something else other than to hunt for posts about people thinking of quitting ther PhD's. You left, get over it, get on with the rest of your life!

sm888,
You have a very narrow minded way of looking at things. Arn't you a silly sod!!!

I have no regrets about leaving my PhD. I hated my topic. My supervisor was a d=*ckhead. Ive washed my hands of it and I am now very happy.It is the best decision I ever made.

I am looking forward to the future.I have already passed up two PhD offers since leaving, I have my place on a masters course at one on the worlds oldest and most prestigious universities in a feild I know I will enjoy working in so do I sound like a person living in regret? I dont think so

I gather from your comments that you are missing the point of this site in the first place and you obviously havent listened to anything I or Olivia have said on the topic.

I post on this forum because I think that maybe I have something useful to contribute

listen to your heart and make your own choice, it's hard though.

i want to quit too on and off, mostly on. but i still think i may have a u-turn. it's not easy to quit until, you are perfectly clear, after you quit, what you should do.

be responsible to yourself, take the consequences of any of your own decision. In this sense, all you friends, at least me, will back u up