Hello Zingo, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I agree with you, a Phd is so unlike anything else, the presurre and the expectations, can be more than one can bear. You are definately not alone in feeling depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I too suffered from an acute form of depression and I also had suicidal thoughts aswell, which come and go, the depression comes in waves.. i think it's more about the fear of failing and letting my family down, and the fear of everyone being dissapointed in me..

I just wanted to escape from all the pressure and the high expectation of it all. It wasn't like i would actually go through with it, but more the thought just popped into my head, then afterwards when i felt better, i would think, did i even think about death even for a second. life is general is up and down, a grey rainy day is often followed by a sunny one.

i must commend you for actively seeking medical advice, that is really good, and the art therapy sounds interesting.

i totally agree with you, subjects and issues like this should be openly discussed, and you for being so brave in dislosing your deepest secrets to us and seeking help and advice.

whatever you decide to do i hope it makes you happy. whether it's continuing your phd or finding something else. quitting a phd wont be the end of the world, your mental health is THE most important thing. nothing is worth your life, not a phd, nothing. you have so much potential to do whatever you want...

please keep coming back here, we're all here to support you, in any way we can

may i please suggest a really good book that really has helped me?

it's by Dale Carnegie: "how to stop worrying and start living" deals with depression and how people have overcome it.

Although there can be no substitute for professional help and support (which should be the priority) these websites might be helpful.

http://www.ulifeline.org

http://www.stampoutsuicide.org.uk