Lostinoz,

Please don't feel ashamed because things arnt going so well for you. A PhD is probably the most intellectually challenging and physically draining experiences ( i found). Be proud that you have stuck with it this far. It takes a lot of character and most people would never even contemplate doing PhD in the first place, so remember that!!!

Speaking from my experience: I dropped out a couple of years back. It hurt quite a lot and my ego took a massive bruising. I could see the writing was on the wall for my PhD quite early as I clearly had no intention of working in that field post-PhD, I hated the project, was making little progress and had lost the support of my supervisor (despite his assertion otherwise)

I understand your reluctance to bail out. You are obviously a very proud person who wants to achieve great things in life particularly in your academic studies and so leaving your PhD would really pull the rug from underneath from all of this, but you need to throw your emotions aside and to ask yourself is sticking it out for another few years and feeling like this really worth it. Will your health/mental health suffer as a result?? for me no PhD is worth it if your well being suffers considerably as a result.

In your case there are a lot of positives for staying put: you want a career in academia and you have a very supportive supervisor but consider that even if you complete your PhD what is likely to change? will you be any happier ?You will still be liable to receive criticism of your work from other academics so might you may well still harbour the same insecurities about your abilities as a researchers you do now.

HI there Lostinoz, after reading your post, I feel that you have already made up your mind about what you want to do. You infer that you have been at this point of quitting numerous times, and now you seem to have come up against another particularly difficult hurdle and you're in the same place again. The fact that you state you don't want to be reading material pertinent to your research in conjunction with the statement that you assert you don't want to be doing it suggests that you are at breaking point with it all. Based on what you've said, I'd say for your sanity and general health, quit and get the hell out.

But, maybe there's more to it for you. I don't know.

You're part time, so it plays out over around 7 years doesn't it? Forgive my ignorance if I haven't taken enough notice, but if you don't have a time-intensive job and lots of personal commitments, take your time with it all, take the downs in your stride, reflect on them. After all, you have ages yet (sorry if I sound ignorant). I suppose what you need to ask yourself is what you want out of this PhD? Do you want to be an academic, a lecturer of is it just for personal fulfilment? It's already sapped up two and a bit years of your life, so do you not think you could press on and get it all done? You must have made satisfactory progress and you must be clever because they'd have chucked you off the course ages ago, wouldn't they? It could just be a(nother) shitty patch you're going through (I bloody know!) and when you go through one everything seems so much more dark, insurmountable and hopeless. You could make some progress over the nest month, perk up and feel so much more different about it (that's happened to me!) Feelings are such transient things! Though it may sound cliched (sorry), whatever decision you make is going to be life changing so make sure you've really considered it first.

Oh, as for feeling a burden to your supervisor(s), bah, fxck 'em. That's what they're there for. Christ, you're learning to be a researcher and they're there to help you through it, so they shouldn't even begin to moan! Never feel a burden to them.

Whatever decision you make, and however rambling I sound at this late hour, I wish you the best of luck. x

As my ex(supervisor) said: 'Shit stuff happens in life'. And as I've read on this forum before: 'Worse things happen at sea'.

Thanks for all of your replies. It helped a lot.

I have made a decision to take a leave of absence (6 months) and if my supervisor doesn't agree with it to quit. After today's developments (being rejected for conference funding) and my supervisor basically telling me that she doesn't have time to look at my work for at least 2 weeks (and no she is not busier than normal she is just avoiding me), I can't take it anymore. I couldn't wait to come home today so that I can cry in peace. I don't think that any PhD deserves so much of my torment and tears.

I am just not sure how to get over hearbreak and feelings of failiure and loss that accompany this decision. I feel like I felt when my long term relationship ended. For those of you that have quit, do you regret it? Does it get easier? Are you still on these forums because you are not yet able to "let the whole PhD thing go?"

I talked to my parents and after last 6 months of constant tears they have finally gotten around to me quiting. It is a huge dissapointment for them too as they are and have always been very proud of me and wanted me to complete.

On to the practical issues, how should I let my supervisor know of my decision? Should I write an e-mail (which would be easier on me) or should I do it in person (which I know is THE right thing to do). I worry that I will cry and embarass myself if I do it in person.

sorry to hear you are feeling so down, as you have said, no phd is worth it! a leave of absence sounds a really good idea. i would definitely speak to your sup face to face, it may be horrible and you may cry, but i think it will come across much better. that way your sup can see what a difficult decision it is for you, and that you are not finding it easy.

best of luck (up)

You're doing what I did 2 years ago: taking a break, or it's quit time. I got my break, came back refreshed (not physically - far too seriously ill for that - but emotionally), and have now nearly finished the part-time PhD. I hope you get your break.

If you do quit though, you ask about feelings of regret. I went through a very painful grieving process. It lasted for years. It got better over time, but not quickly. It was a horrible sense of loss, and it hurt. I knew I'd made the right deciion - given the constraints on me it was impossible for me to continue and complete the full-time PhD - but that didn't make it any easier to live with. Sorry not to be more positive about this.

I'm still on these forums because 7 years after quitting the PhD I started another one (humanities rather than science this time), part-time, and, 5 years later, I've nearly finished that. If I wasn't doing a PhD any more I don't think I could bear to be here.

As I said before I wish I'd told my first supervisor I was leaving in person, rather than an email. I took the easy way out, but I regret it. But it's up to you how to do it.

Good luck.

Good luck Lostinoz! I am sure that your supervisor will agree to you having the time away. It is a hard decision - I was here last week with the same thing (it's break time or quit) - I got the break I need, but there is still a sense of loss. I KNOW that I have done the right thing though - it just means that I will have be here a little longer than planned if I choose to return.
Let your supervisor know in whatever way you feel most comfortable.

I will do it in person. I have a course whole next week (that my supervisor is paying me to attend sigh) but I will be back the week after that and I will tell her. I plan to be very nice about it and say how stressed and depressed I am and it's impacting my illness, I will also say how grateful I am for all her help etc.

She was planning to argue the lack of funding for the trip on my behalf so I just e-mailed her to tell her not to do anything about this until I get back. I said that there is something important I need to discuss in regards to my whole PhD but I would rather do it in person.

I was one and a half years into a doctorate when I decided to quit. The hardest decision I've ever made (that was about two months ago!). I spent an entire 2-3 weeks going over it in my head - and not lightly. Bad supervision, project going nowhere, no motivation, long hours, I couldn't see many positives other than an income. I don't regret quitting at all now - it was definitely the right decision for me. You just know when it's not working, and it wasn't for me. I'm now looking at getting another job in engineering come the end of the year... or changing career altogether, which is very exciting. I don't think I would have liked academia - I felt very pressurised and it wasn't a social enough job for me.

Good luck in whatever you decide - I hear a break can do wonders if you go ahead with that.

Well, the events are now set in motion and there is no turning back.

Supervisor replied to my e-mail where I said that I would like to talk about my PhD and that it's important and that I would prefer to do it in person.

She said that "she hopes everything is OK", that kind of made me lol as everything is as far from OK as it can get. Also that she is availble in person tommorrow and any day.

I answered that I prefer to wait until next week when I am officially back at university after my course. And that was that.

Now I can't sleep and whole thing is running around in my head and what I want to say even though it's week and a half away.

I probably should have just met her tommorrow and had it over and done with. But I am still unsure if I am going to ask for a 3 months break, 6 motnhs break or just quit.

If you're going to ask for a break make sure you get a long enough one, since this is your opportunity. I went for 5 months, partly because I wanted to restart at the start of the new academic year, and this fitted. But I made sure my break was long enough to help.

If I was you I'd go and see your supervisor tomorrow about it. It will dwell on your mind otherwise, including at the course.

Bilbo,

How did your supervisor react when you asked for a break?

Lostinoz,

I don't regret my decision to leave . I do regret that I didnt pick a topic more suited to my interests and aptitudes and a supervisor who actually supervised their students. I am still on this forum because first of all I am still a graduate student ( masters) and I feel I can offer people going through a shitty time with their PhDs useful advise. There is a chance I may sign up for another PhD in a few years as it could turn out to be important in my new career

If you quit your PhD yes it will hurt probably for a long time. The main thing I would advise you to do would be to take a break, go on holidays, maybe work in a no brainer job for a few months, so that you can chill out, reflect and think about your future, then starting applying seriously for a new career.

In your case there are to be two problems that I forsee:

1. I suspect pressure from your parents to excel in your PhD

2. You cant think of anything else you want to do for a career.

My opinion is that you didnt do this PhD for your parents or anyone else for that matter so what anyone else thinks really shouldnt weigh in to your decision to stay or go. Ill say again: you really should listen to what anyone else thinks!!! Even if your parents expect great things of you and they have been braggin to all the nighbours that you will be a doctor, your personal well being should always be more important than achieving their expectations of you

I would have been appaled had my parents been anything other than supportive of my decision to leave my PhD and they have never been anything but supportive so I could ask anymore from them.

I think you will find that as soon as you get another career that you enjoy and excel at that you would start to forget about your PhD....