Carefull13, you just described my advisor! Except that he is a male. I started 18 months ago and finding a job to quit as soon as possible. I think you should leave too. I understand completely how you feel. Thinks are even more complicated for me since I am a foreigner. Btw, continuing a PhD with a crazy prof when lost all passion is too awful an experience to endure.

The above describes my second post-doc almost exactly, though I only had to see through a year maximum on it (and I did - somehow). If Careful is miserable, with so much time to go then it is probably better to call it a day. As I said earlier, if Careful had been within 6 months of finishing then seeing it through would be the better apporach. But another 21 months is a very long time.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

Hi,

I think you should do some sports like running for 45 mins, or swimming like every three days, so that you will be relaxed. When you perspire/sweat, you tend to lose tension, so that you become calm. And it's important to have a personal goal. People can say anything, but it doesn't matter. What matters is "you", and "your family". Anybody can praise you or say you are incapable, but it will not make you neither good nor bad. Within you, you need to believe that you are talented, you are good. I think you should go to swimming pool every three days or at least every four days, and swim for one hour or so. It will release pressure. And most importantly, you should try to construct a good research. Stay away from people who make you feel bad. And you have to realize that praising or thrashing you by others, will not be useful, and it's a common thing no matter where you go. Try to find peace in your life, have a goal. You are on your own. Try to stay calm. Talk to people. Have a rest. Reward yourself. Play. Watch a movie. But, when you work, work solely. Have a plan. Keep a list of deadlines, and always have a plan B, plan C. In this way, you will not feel tensed. Leaving is easy. But fighting is hard. People who fight till the end, are the real winners. So, unless and until you feel you cannot continue any further such that you feel like suicide or some mental sickness will cause, I think you should not quit. Even if you quit, you should create an opportunity before you leave, and leave to that place. Don't take any rash decisions. Try to talk with several people. Having a good research up and running will help you a lot. People want good results. Because humans are craving for glory, money etc. It's normal, though painful. Good luck. Trust yourself!

Probably too late for advice. I do wonder what happened though! Hope it all worked out.

I had all kinds of issues during my PhD. From personal to supervisory. I was also on the verge of quitting more times that I can count. I even took a leave of absence for 3 months, trying to ease my way into quitting with minimum drama. I ended up changing my mind and tried to stick it out (little did I know that things were going to get even worse).

My only supervisor started avoiding my emails and meetings. At one point, I went 6 months without a meeting, a single email or anything to even know that I am on the right track. I lost all motivation but stumbled my way through. I was also used as dumping ground for other academics; from admin work to marking 200 exam papers without pay etc etc.

Finally I had enough and I went to see the head of my department to ask for advice. I told him everything in a calm and logical manner. I was careful not to place the blame on anyone and said that I want to finish my PhD and that the amount of supervision I was getting wasn't enough. I was amazed that he took me very seriously; I was appointed 2 co-supervisors and with their guidance I sped my way though. This time last year I was at my wits end with no finish line in sight. Last week, I submitted my PhD :)

My story still may not have a happy ending. I am struggling to find employment and it seems like my main supervisor is retaliating by giving me a bad reference (and he is a very powerful man)....I may have to relocate for my first job to escape his clutches...

At the very least - I feel a small victory to have beat the odds and had enough inner strength to fight through.

The other options are to move to another university or change a supervisor..

Here it comes. I think it is a high time to continue with the story, for all those for you, who might be going through a similar situation.

What I did: Around 2 weeks after my last post at this forum, I had a meeting with the supervisor. At that meeting she attacked me verbally, which was a turning point. From that moment I stopped asking myself whether I want to leave, but started executing my "escape plan". I went on a sick leave and started contacting companies and universities for work. At the same time, I studied law, my contact and other cases at the university. When I got employment, I just simply called her and said goodbye. The rest of the staff was already aware of my situation. I managed that: I landed safely outside of the university without making a havoc and managed not to break all the good or neutral connections.

What I do now: I work in a company as a researcher. I know I will have another chance for a PhD in the future, but it is up to me to take it. My work demands PhD skills but not the degree. In other words, I have found a way-around in my career, but not given up my dreams. I just add that I was not initially hired as a researcher, but rather got the position as a result of my skills and persistence.

Conclusions for those, who're going through hell right now:
1. No point of putting up with someone, who is only draining your life energy - you are the owner of your life.
2. Leaving PhD programme is NOT the end of the world, despite of what you might think at the moment.
3. Try to leave without unnecessarily "hurting" innocent people - try to leave a good impression if possible.
4. Be aware of the possible implications coming from your contract - read it carefully if you haven't.
5. Don't give up your dreams - life is somewhat bigger than your PhD programme.
Good Luck!

Very interesting thread, thanks for updating us, Carefull. Any situation in which you're being treated badly or unfairly can feel impossible to get out of - I guess it erodes your confidence - but you clearly made the right decision and it's good to know that everything worked out well.

I know of a friend in a similar situation as you - working for a difficult supervisor. She said to me her supervisor even laid a complaint against her to try and get rid of her, went through the whole panel hearing process to finally have the allegations dismissed. It cost her three months of PhD hell to sort it all out.