Lara, I think you are great. You are here in this forum trying your best to do whatever you can do for the time you have. I know what it's like to not be able to stop crying and don't worry about that, just take the time you need to cry and then in a few days time you will be able to see things more clearly. You already have alot of advise here, to do what is important for now. I wish you the best and I am also inspired by your postings and jojo's. It's hard to find the motivation for this PhD because it's such a lonely process. Your parents are there for you no matter what, that's what is important -so keep going.

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words. i will keep coming back to this thread and reading all your messages, which is acting like such comfort and motivation
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i have a huge headache from all the crying. but i wanted to personally thank you all.. before i go off to take a shower to clear my head and then later this evening. make a plan of my entire thesis. and maybe not spend too much time on background reading and trying to learn and understand everything little detail. i think i get bogged down with tangents and details. --

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words. i will keep coming back to this thread and reading all your messages, which is acting like such comfort and motivation
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i have a huge headache from all the crying. but i wanted to personally thank you all.. before i go off to take a shower to clear my head and then later this evening. make a plan of my entire thesis. and maybe not spend too much time on background reading and trying to learn and understand everything little detail. i think i get bogged down with tangents and details. --

Good for you Lara. In my experience supervisors who have not paid sufficient attention until it is too late can be very defensive and reluctant to take any responsibility. It should not be possible for a supervisor to not know how far along you are with your thesis by now -but alas, I have seen it often. It's very poor supervision though. And all this stuff about the papers needing so much work - that should have been discussed before now. It's really not good enough to say he just 'assumed' you didn't feel like submitting.

So glad to hear your mum is supportive too. Just give it your best shot. The only reason I'm not quite 100% telling you to fight on is that I don't want you to make yourself depressed or ill over it.

rjb203, thanks for saying it wont be the end of the world. you're right. i really needed to hear that.
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Smilodon, thanks so much for your advice and message! it's made me feel better

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Jouri, thanks , you're right. i should try my best. i'm glad i read your message, because i was going to email him and say, you're right i will fail. i should just quit now and save everyone time. but i think i will just give a plan and work something out.
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Shani - thank you so much for all your advice and words of comfort and wisdom. really appreciate it. i especially have taken on board, about not making myself look good. but admitting what i have actually done, and moving forward.
i like what you said about does it really matter if he thinks i'm a lazy good for nothing phd student who doesnt know anything about my subject and doesnt deserve to submit or pass. i will try my best. i think that's all we can really do.
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thanks everyone. reading these messages again. has given me the courage and motivation to fight for it. but then realise if i do fail, than it wont be the end of the world, and i am not a bad person and stupid, but my apititude lies somewhere else.

right now, i will do my best.

thanks again. i don't know what i would do without this forum.

my friends keep calling to come to the party. but i told them no. and i've cancelled all my social engagements.

i'm even thinking of selling my alicia keys concert ticket (which is in july). any idea how i can sell it?

Thanks Smiloden, i appreciate you saying that about my supervisor. that definately helps to look at it from that different perspective.

yah i'm going to try my best, but not think it will the end of the world, that way i wont get depressed. i really did think it would be the end of the world if i failed and my parents and everyone would be so dissapointed in me. i think having that can really affect a person's concentration and cause writing blocks.
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thanks again for your message.

i'm going to email my university, and clearly ask them what are the consequences just incase i dont submit by the deadline. and what i can do. better i find out these things now. than later.

Hi Lara,
Good for you today for dealing with a horrible situation and still being determined to give it your best shot. Your supervisor sounds like hard work in himself, and clearly lacking in a few areas, but I guess you just have to manage around that now. The uncontrolable tears are awful (been there myself, frequently), but they will stop eventually. PhDs are as much an emotional challenge as they are an academic one. It's really good you have your Mum's support.
With regards to what people think of you if things go wrong, I have found that "the people who mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind". Love and friendship isn't conditional on qualifications!

Get yourself some comfort food this evening and try to find a distraction if you can. With email replies to supervisor I recommend writing your response in word (so you don't accidentally hit send with the wrong thoughts enclosed!) and once you've written it, ignore it for a few hours, then go back and re-read it to check how it sounds. Sometimes things don't come out quite right the first time... For your meetings, have your points written down and practise saying them before hand. You may well cry (is there anyone out there who hasn't cried in front of their sup?!) but keep going anyway. This may be simple advice but it's what someone taguht me to do a while back and it helped a lot.
Lots and lots of postive thoughts for you
Keep us up to date.

i have to say i like this forum....i keep checking it everyday. i thought that i would just be a reader rather than a poster, but Lara post really pushed me to register and reply.

Lara from my point of view i think it is good E-mail from your supervisor. i think he wants to share responsibilities and help you. please do not defend your self because you do not wan to open a new front with your supervisor. for God sake please concentrate on the thesis and try to have good relationship with me. i think only now you can achieve alot because unless we are under stress we do not produce and i think you are under high pressure now and it is your chance to do it.

i know two of my friends who finished their writing in less than 3 months believe me you can do it.

good relationship with him i am sorry

moreover i think you should not cancel all your social life.i think it is good to reward our self if we achieve something try to reward your self whenever you produce a little

Cakegirl has made some really good points - today has been a bad day and you're feeling low, so its best to leave your email to your supervisor for now.

I also completely agree with reda - you MUST NOT cancel all your social arrangements. I think its very important to take a break every now and again. 3 months is a long time to work flat out - you are much more likley to burn out and not submit if you don't. You must not think of this time as "wasted", it is essential recouperation time. I don't know what your schedule is like at the moment, but try to have at least a few evenings off per week, with a whole day off every now and again.
I will be on your case about this .

Thanks cakegirl everything you said was really really comforting and nice to hear, i really appreciate it! you're absolutely right.

and reda, thanks alot, you're right it's important to look at it from a different point of view. thank you.

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okay i am thinking of sending this email to my graduate tutor at QMUL asking how to officially apply for an extension. because i read up on the internet, that extensions have to be applied for in ADVANCE and not retrospectively.

and also if you don't submit your thesis within 1 year of "writing up" status, you are liable to a £250 fine.

or i want to know what my other options are , just incase i dont meet the sept 1st deadline. based on what my supervisor wants me to write in my thesis. and ask them, if they are willing to let me remain registered, if i pay for student fees or something.
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