I'm sure your language skills aren't as bad as you think... anyway, even if you're fluent, there are always communication problems. One of my favourites in Egypt used to go like this:
Are you married?
No.
Are you engaged?
No.
Did your husband die?
No. I've never had one.
I can find you one.
No, that's fine.
But how will you get married?
I'm not that interested in marriage.
But you're getting old.
Thanks.
You'll get married.
I don't think so.
Yes. Wait and see.

I don't know if you ever experience that, but when I was there it gave me something to chuckly over nearly every day.

Oh I most certainly did!

I was single the first time I lived there then went back later with my husband. Oh how deeply deeply lamented was the tragedy of my singleness. I had a spiel in colloquial that went: All men are like children; first with their mothers, then thier wives. It will be a black day when I get married. That generally stopped that trend in the conversation. I'm sure we could swap stories for hours on this theme!

Then when I went back newly married it was - what no children ? Youprobably know that the word for 'bride' is the same as 'doll' in colloquial and a married women remains a 'bride' until her first child.

A couple of expat co-workers, male * female, were riding a donkey cart, as you do, along the north coast. The donkey driver turned round and asked them how many children they had. When they replied 'none' (you know how it is - sometimes it's simpler not to get into the whole 'but we're just friends' thing...) he snorted and exclaimed that his donkey had 5. And that was the last he spoke to them.

Oh ... resists urge to tell more stories must....do...work...tonight....must.....

That's a fabulous story - made me laugh out loud!

I don't have anything that amusing, but one of the other things I remember as funny is being constantly treated as fragile. I should tell you here that I am nearly 6 foot and there's nothing delicate about me. However, I once asked my landlady if she'd mind if I moved a sofa from one room to another and she insisted that I wait for her 67 year old husband to get home and do it for me. I didn't but he turned up later that night (bless him) and said "But how did manage you do that? You mustn't lift anything by yourself again, your back might break." I had such a hard time trying to not to smile.

Oh the 'fragile' thing reminds me of another story. I had a landlady once who told me that men's and women's undergarments should never be washed together because 'a woman's parts are very delicate'.. Snort!

And people were so helpful - I used to keep it a secret if I needed something doing and wanted to do it myself or it would becaome a full-scale mass mission and I would be besieged.

I so know what you mean! There's such a thing as being too helpful and it seems to go on all around out there. It's great to be reminded of all this... I'm feeling quite nostalgic now. There are things that are annoying but there's also such a lot to miss. Do you play backgammon? I miss lazy hours in cafes chatting and playing that. And I miss Koshary (in spite of the pounds I put on scoffing it) and of course the sunshine... and... and... Oh dear, I must get back to work!

Koshary - I LOVE it! The ultimate junk food but it's OK - it's 'ethnic' ;-}

Funny thing that - the dirtier the shop - the better the koshary. Then of course they started a couple of posh koshary places.

I never got into backgammon - but I did get into Arab pop music. What a shame we don't have a microphone - I can still sing some of my favourites. I'm going to bed but.....

Some lyrics from a couple of real corkers:

'Beware the white girl, she's like a strawberry'

and 'when I was young I loved the apricots but now I'm a man I like the mangoes' 8-}

My colleagues were rather shocked when I bought those - I had to actually sing them to the kiosk-man so he could find them.

F'il mish mish!