Leaving my PhD

G

All the other first years have day-to-day supervision and specific projects, where they'll be looking a specific peptides and their effect on a particular physiologoical paramter. Right now I just feel like a technician and its making me crazy! I am a highly motivated positive person with lots of ideas and a strong love for science and discovery but right now i feel extremely depressed, -something i love is now becoming something i hate and dread.I did really well at university and with my honours project, my goal is to become a clinician scientist (do an MBchB after my phd).I really don't know where to go from here.I'm not sure how it will affect my reputation/future if I leave (apparently no-one in the lab has ever left).The professor although notorious for money-grabbing and neglectful ways, also has lots of contacts in the science world.

S

Garvey - that would drive me batty too. I think if you are giong to leave - best to do it in the first year if possible. I like this Turkish proverb: no matter how far you have gone down a wrong road, turn back.

You have to work out whether you can come out of this with a PhD which will look 'normal' and worthy and just forget about how tedious the work has been. or whether it is more serious than that and the project is not sufficient for your career aspirations and/or sanity.

S

@rjb203: your experience is interesting. So what did you do after leaving, are you back on another PhD?

J

Just an update from me about my situation. I hope it helps someone.
Taking the advice of the extremely helpful posters to my question (esp. Rjb203) I went to see the postgraduate director to discuss my situation. She told me that my work was a bit "boring" and sympathised with my predicament. I also told her things weren't working as they should and the help from my supervisors was minimal. A long story short she went to see my supervisors and explained the situation. The help from my supervisors became more structured with regular meeting.
That was all good for a couple of months.

To date I am still doing what I was doing a long time ago, I still have a lack of enthusiasm for the field, the relationship with my second supervisor is poor.
I had to present my project for 15mins at around the 6month stage. It went okay for me because it was a serious amount of work I was showing, however it was notably boring with one of the PI's who was running the event looking down with a grin on his face and not paying a lot of attention (as my work is not exciting and is basically showing the same trends for different compunds). So that reaction pretty much sums up my work and I am frustrated that that is mostly what all I have done for a year.
Right now I am STILL considering leaving my PhD. I have been told that if I progress past october and decide to quit then the institute will be fined £15,000, which has really given me a deadline. I just have to pluck up enough courage within myself to quit (not an easy thing at all!!) and try and find another position.

Many thanks for those that have helped and I will keep the board updated.

JD

S

Thanks for the update. It sounds as if you have taken steps and done things. So now you are still going and still deciding. I have two thoughts for you:

Quote From jd:

I have been told that if I progress past october and decide to quit then the institute will be fined £15,000, which has really given me a deadline.

This is noble of you! You think it is up to you to insure that your institute does not need to pay the fine. You write that this gives YOU a deadline. I think that you are taking too much of the pressure on yourself. It is not your deadline, it is the institution that needs to be worried; it is their deadline. Why would they be fined, rather than you? Because (although they have been helpful, as you write) they obviously weren't helpful enough for you to know by now if it is worth going ahead with your PhD or not. By all means, if you are going to quit anyway, then do so before the deadline. But if you are really unsure, and just plodding on for the time being, then don't let THEIR deadline put pressure on YOU. Why not go talk to them again, explain the situation, and tell them that if you are to decide NOW, then you need help and advice NOW? Go get the help you need for making your decision. If they don't provide anything, then it is not your fault if the deadline is missed.
On the other hand: I know from personal experience that to constantly being in limbo, being "deciding" instead of "decided" is hard work, energy consuming, and can seriously distract from your real work. Maybe one of the reasons why you are not progressing as wished is because you are constantly considering if this is really for you. Sometimes it helps to put all that aside, and for a week or month "pretend" you have decided (either way) and see how it goes. Set a time/date for decision time, instead of worrying constantly. How does it feel then?
Overall, no matter what you do decide, good luck with it all!

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