Missing Home and Constantly Distracted

S

Nadia - I think a lot of this is just down to different personalities and temperaments. I've never been seriously homesick even going 18 months without coming back to the UK (and not more than once/year). I have much sympathy with those who do. For me as well, the place is very important. There are a lot of places I would not like to live although I would make the best of it.

I actually get seriously restless because we are now committed to staying in the UK (insert long story). The desire to go back overseas is almost painful sometimes. And I guess that is a bit how homesickness must feel.

N

Hi Smilodon.

Well, this is yet another very different insight.

I have sympathy for those who feel homesick too, sorry if it didn't sound like I do! I am just very curious and this post has actually challenged some assumptions I had about homesickness (which I like very much).

Yep, I guess you're right also about that temperaments thing... Tbh I don't think I have ever missed my family (-even when I was 12 and sent abroad on my own). I am not sure they ever "miss" me much either! I mean, I think they believe I "belong" abroad and would be kind of sorry if I went back, actually, as if I'd be missing on something I was made for. Hard to explain, but from what you say Smilodon, I'm sure you see what Imean :)

L

Hi Nadia,

Didn't mean to offend you by saying that France is close and cheap to get to. It's just that I go to and fro all the time (my father still lives there) so to me it feels like less trouble than going to Scotland. However - I take on board that it must be different if you live out in the sticks.

Perhaps the most important thing is to suggest as many ways as possible of combatting homesickness? Or missing a partner? I guess it must happen to lots of people, though in the case of the latter I'm sure keeping in contact via the internet must help.

L

By the way Maree, it's admirable that you're not packing up and leaving with your husband given how you're feeling, it shows real strength of character. I'm sure you'll get through this - and hopefully it will all be worth it when you get that PhD.

M

Maree, I worked abroad for several month during the start of my PhD and was very homesick, and got no work done!

I would suggest you try to split your year up into quarters and aim to write a chapter and then reward yourself with a trip home. This will force you off the internet (my worse addiction) and back to your work. If you're not working over here, it's likely your PhD will drag on a lot longer than your expected (I'm on year 5!) and the goal of finishing becomes less achieveable.

J

for those of us who come from other continents, its tough. really tough. i empathise with all of you. some more than others especially those who can't just wake up and buy a ticket and go home.i'd say persevere. try to enjoy it. i always think, each day spent is closer to the day i'll go back home. so it can't be that bad. by the way, having been in the uk for a couple of years, i can say that it isn't a bad place, though it will never be like home to me. you have to take the initiative to enjoy it. go places etc, people won't come to you. try going out to them.

J

by the way i haven't read all previous threads, so excuse me if i missed something.

M

Yea, Smilodon, I see your point. I think being a couple makes the experience alot different. It's also being at a different stage in life, where family life and such feels more enjoyable than the casual "hanging" out. I'll be here for another year and plan to go back home more frequently so hopefully it won't be so bad.

M

Thanks for all your thoughts guys. It's comforting to know that other students face the same problems and you're not just being a whiner!

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