No he's in an entirely non-academic field (manufacturing!)... But he seems to understand what's involved (so far anyway)! Although that could be because he works quite late and isn't usually home till after me anyway... I can imagine if he finished work at 5 every day and I was still working till 7/8 there might be problems!

I see.

Hey rosy--yeah, we've been going out for 3 years, and my partner isn't working in anything remotely related to academia. What I find difficult is that, for instance, I may be at uni in the day, and have the best of intentions, but not get a great deal done! Then, all of a sudden, I get this energy in the evenings, the time when we're meant to be hanging out together. I feel like, if I was single, my work wouldn't be relegated to particular times, and I could just pick it up anytime I got the urge. This is the tricky part for those doing PhDs who have partners/families/other commitments, isn't it?

Yes it most certainly is... I have the same problem most days (actually nearly every day ) that i don't get as much done as I should during the '9-5' and end up playing catch up all the time. I think that's my new year's resolution, work harder when I'm in work and have more time off to address new year's resolution no. 2 - regular exercise! And spend less time on this forum

On that note I'm outta here... good luck xeno and happy christmas everyone!!!

"Remember a PhD won't keep you warm at night"
That really made me laugh
My partner of 6.5 years is supportive, but again he probably worked at least as hard if not harder than I did on my PhD! He owns a small business and often gets phonecalls about work in evenings or weekends especially in the Autumn, or stays late. He didn't even do A-level Biology/Chemistry but is really clever and good at IT and Physics/Maths and could possibly have done better on a PhD than me! It's nice to not understand a word of what the other does. He gave me help with unix and sometimes gave me late night lifts back from the lab. I usually felt guilty about staying late and tried to stick to a productive 9.30-6 workplan.

Cheers rosy! Hope you had a chance to gorge yourself and watch loadsa crap telly yesterday! I certainly did! I think I'll join you on the resolution to move my body more this year. Do you think as PhD students we come out of the experience 3 stone heavier because we're sat on our bums doing research all the time? Hope everyone had a well-deserved break yesterday!!!

It is always hard to be efficient with your time when you are completely responsible for organising your work time. Some partner-time has to be protected, but some evenings and weekends will inevitably, for most of us, become work-time. I am married and my husband is very understanding - he also brings work home. My big headache is organising time around my 2 yr-old. You cannot negotiate with a toddler and plead for time to work - you have to be absolutely ruthless with your own schedule and really work during the time available and try not to faff about. I also can't work really late - past about 11.30, as she sometimes gets up in the night and always gets up early in the morning and it's just too exhausting.

But if you conitnue in academia (and many other professions) it will always be like this - maybe even worse (judging from some of my colleagues). So we may as well get to grips with the time-management now, or else never have a relationship or family (which I see some people opt for in the end).

my partner is also an academic, just finishing his PhD. i think it is not necessarily a problem of non-academics not understanding the commitment involved in a PhD. although i am doing one myself, i sometimes get upset when my partner wants to spend yet another weekend, yet another evening working. there has got to be some time for US, too, no?
i understand the commitment it takes. i just think some people would probably work better if they took more time off. my advice is thus not in the line of insisting your partner to grant you more time for work, but rather to allow yourself time off work (and with your partner) EVEN WHEN you did not work as much as you would have liked during your "work time". that's the only way to break the viscious circle of catch-up work, being tired (from too much work), not working efficiently, feeling bad about it, falling further behind, having to do more catch-up work, feeling bad about that too. i think.

what i am saying is, you take time off for YOU to feel better and for your PhD to be more efficient in the long run, not primarily for your partner.
of course sometimes you will have to work evenings/weekends. if you usually keep work-free partner times, then such occasional breaches shouldn't be a problem and i'd expect anyone - academic background or not - to understand and respect that.

I was a bit concerned about some of the earlier posts saying that relationships should wait until after the PhD. I try to put my work in perspective, and am under no illusions that life will be easy all of a sudden after I submit. I don't think the PhD will be the hardest thing in my life - what about the short-term post docs, and trying to land that first lectureship? So if a relationship has to compete (I think they should compliment, not compete!) with a PhD, then things won't change all of a sudden afterwards, but will also have to 'compete' with the rest of an academic career. So I think we should all have relationships now! If only it was that easy...

I probably rambled too much but I hope that makes sense?

i agree with you. I do no think relationships should be put on hold because of a PhD. Most people would because of the associated challenges with having one (which everyone faces) and its effect on their work. But like earlier posts, having an understanding partner would go a long way to making life doing a PhD more bearable.

cryo and coastman--understand exactly what you're saying. Having an unsupportive partner can have such devastating effects on the PhD. For instance, one of my mates recently dropped out of her PhD because she was going through a heavy breakup and lost all sense of focus and commitment with the PhD. I guess what also factors is what kind of person you are. If you're one of those people who has the ability to 'switch off' when you're having a tough ride with your personal life and still get your head down and work hard, then you can cope much better. Xeno, how's it going?