thank you kitkat. It's very hopeful to see that so many other students have replied and assured me that everything will be ok. I am feeling better now but I am worried that it is only a temporary thing. I am seeing a university counselor today, and hopefully I'll get some good advice. I must say though that I was surprised by how many students said they went through the same thing. Is this a hint that universities do not offer the right kind of support for their phd students? Should the programme or the system change? And what is it that goes wrong???

hi compsci, glad to hear you're feeling better. in response to your questions, i think that that although support systems could probably be improved, which would help many students, there is a certain element (and i include myself in this category) that were crazy to begin with. i don't know the stats, but i would guess that a disproportionately high number of postgrads/academics suffer inherantly from mental health issues. oh woe... i've always had a tortured soul...

My heart goes out to all who are suffering. I went through this for about a year. I'm coming out the other side now, but it was a long process.
I didn't take medication - my choice. First step was university councillors. They were really good, just listened and offered gentle simple step by step advice - like going out for a 10 min walk when things are starting to get to you, and hence not letting them overcome you. They also contacted my supervisor for me, as I didn't feel strong enough. Having outside interests is good - but I ended up sitting in a corner crying through alot of them, so people weren't sure how to talk / treat me because of that.
I've now been diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, which was probably a contributing factor. Ask your family about history of depression / illnesses and check for underlying clincal reasons

Overall, keep talking and don't hide. Deal with it quickly and its much easier to sort out. Good Luck and big virtual supportive hugs.

interesting point insomniac, maybe i was bonkers to begin with...
was definitely crazy to start the PhD in the first place!

hi all
I've had a chat with a counsellor at the university and I must admit that it was very helpful! she related this with some anorexia related issues (!), in terms of there is a feeling that no matter what you do is never good enough. So it is a matter of self esteem and realising your worth. She also did say that productivity must not be confused with how many hours you spend in an office. It's better to just leave a problem for a while and the solution will be more obvious later on... I have to fight my urge to stay and work until I feel I've resolved whatever it was that I was working on. It's going to be a bit hard at first (I can't help but to think "my work isn't going to do it self") but I said I'd give it a go.

Hi I hope everything is ok for you now! I just saw your message today for the first time...I'm feling exactly the same Im international student too and I've been here just 8 months. The GP said that Im suffering of clinic depression but I dont really wat to take any med, however I realize that it is getting worse and worse... my counselling just talk about taking the antidepressant and doesn't understand the real problem. I left everything in my country to take this opportunity and my husband is doing his PhD too but he is getting extremely worried about me which is causing him health problems...I dont know what to do anymore. I don't even have a clear subject yet and I dont have any data. Can someone please give me some advise, I'm desperate and feel like trapped!!

Dear Nore,I am sorry you are having problems. From what I have gathered while reaidng this forum,going through my own PhD and talking to people is that having no data in your 8th month is not necessarily cause for alarm - the process of getting a PhD is messy and takes you through a lot of ups and downs.As for your mental well-being-I understand you might not want to take anti-depressants,but sometimes they can help you see the world in brighter colours and once your mood is up,then the PhD will seem easier.If you think that the counselor doesn't understand you, you can always try and change them-must be more than one at the counseling service?

Plus,there are some other places where you can get help - and I'm speaking here from my personal experience,I'm a non-UK student as well,just got dumped by my partner (who decided that her PhD is more important than me,whatever) and I have found it helpful to use helplines such as the Samaritans (www.samaritans.org) - you can e-mail them,call them 24/7,and there will always be somebody to talk to.

CompSci, i haven't read everyone's posts yet, as am really tired from working all night. however, i've read yours. i just want to let you know that you are not the only one in councelling. i'm currently getting counselling for anxiety and irratibity caused by my supervisor problems- particularly to help me handle critique. for the last 20 months nothing worked, til last month when i started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. i worked for so many months and no results, no encouragement.

i have had a few stints at paper writing, but because of my sup issues i have never got round to publishing. for me, i have decided to take a deep breath and push myself. it is hard as i'm international student and 'i have no one' - i know you can relate to that. at times you need family to keep you going, but when you're on your own you need to find the strength to somehow keep yourself going. this month is going to be another difficult one, redoing my chapters and completing my referencing - that means re-reading some articles for what feels like the hundreth time. what keeps me going is focusing on the end.

i don't know when i will get there but every day's work in my view gets me closer to leaving this place. regarding ability - we all have it. we just don't see it after we've been battered so much with rejections of work. i think of my masters and my undergrad years, i would never be anxious about any exams because i believed that i would pass, my problem was 'how well'. i think my anxiety is partly caused by this whole fear of being 'endangered' afraid of failing and never getting there.

my family have really helped me to put things into perspective - remember you have a masters. it actually isn't the end of the world if things don't work out. negative as it seems, seeing things from this angle will help you recover your self-worth and control over your PhD.

Your perspective will become that you are doing it because you want to, not because you have to. Exercise and eat! i have also lost appetite a lot of weight. but i have decided that i have to be good to be good to myself now- i come first before this PhD. Eat - you need to be alive and healthy to finish it, you don't also want to finish and find that you have lost your health. in which case it won't be worth it. Exercise and treat yourself often - shopping is always therapeutical. The key is to be easy on yourself, otherwise when you're an international student no one else will. then can try but there are points when what you need is family. You HAVE TO prioritise looking out for yourself. speaking of boyfriends and friends, i've clashed with many people in the last few weeks because of irritability, anxiety and pressure. Don't feel bad about it,accept it as part of what you're going through.

Finally, don't get bogged down with the stigma that comes with mental health issues. Remember you are seeing a GP/counselling because YOU have decided that it is good for you and YOU WANT TO HELP YOURSELF. Take time off for a week or so and take your mind completely off things - Don't let this thing kill you. There is more to life! I believe we will get through CompSci, DON'T SUFFER ALONE. Keep us posted on how you are getting on.

sorry for the typos, i meant - 'i have also lost appetite AND lost a lot of weight.' ..'when you're an international student no one else will. THEY can try but there are points when what you need is family.' one more thing - the reason why exercise is important is because is helps do away with excess adrenaline and other hormones that are produced when you are anxious and when one does not flee or fight, these hormones get stored in your body and if unchecked can lead to problems like high blood pressure. Have a good day and be good to yourself. Start with a smile - DECIDE to smile