Yippee!! Really glad for you OZ!

Hold your fingers crossed please - we found somebody who wants to move in Monday so 1) our landlady has to like them 2) I have to convince the other landlord to let us move in now (it is empty) 3) get the money to pay deposit and rent for the new place before I get the money back from the old place 4) remember my PIN to do so... can I blame it on the pregnancy hormons that I forget everything? Experienced mothers?
Thanks again for all your support - hopefully everything will be sorted after today and then we just move within two days, no problem for me I am not allowed to carry anything

As my mother used to say, I have everything crossed for you! Good luck and hope you get settled into your new place.

Brilliant news oz (came out ox first time, not good to say to a pregnant lady!). Definitely hormones, not sure about hormons though

Well, where do I start???

My husband and I got married 4 years ago, and came the States the day after to start our PhD in Physics. We passed our Qualifiers one year later. At that point, we had decided very rationally that we would wait until our research was well established before trying for a baby (I was 28 years old), but I have no idea why I started thinking about babies all day long and I just couldn't get them out of my head, so I told my husband that I wanted a baby as soon as possible (maybe the fact that my advisor was pregnant and a lot my friends were also had something to do). I got pregnant 3 months later. I was doing experimental work and he was doing theoretical physics. My advisor was very supportive.

We couldn't afford any daycare, so my husband, who could work from any computer, started working from 5pm to 2am and taking care of our baby during the day. I was going to the lab during the day. He didn't do a lot of progress for several reasons. When our daughter was 9 months, his advisor fired him. He started working with another professor, so he went during the day, and I was taking care of our daughter during the day and going to the lab from 5pm to 2am. My advisor didn't like this even though my experiments worked best at night and I sent her daily emails about what I did during the night. She once said "If I can handle motherhood, why can't you?" Well she had a full time nanny, and she earned at least 4 times more than I did. Then one day she said that she felt she couldn't work with me anymore.So as soon as I learned there was a new professor in an area I really liked (I was really bored out of my mind with those experiments), then after 3 years in the program, I left her.

After 6 months of working with him, he took my project away because I didn't have a paper yet. I already have 2 publications, but each of them were worth a year of work. Then he gave a project on computer simulations (which I had never done in my life), and told me that the world expert on the field (a professor from our department) had done it 3 months, and I had to finish in 2 months. I told him that if that guy had done it in 3 months, I didn't think I was going to be able to do it in such a short time. He said "I don't care, you have to have results in 2 months, because it's not like that guy does the simulations himself, he hires someone".

So I had this absurd project with this guy that constantly threaten to fire me, and I found out I was PREGNANT again. Oh, my God, I was so scared. I went to the Dean of Students to let her know my fears, and she told me to send him an email everyday about what I did, so that he wouldn't say I wasn't working. I started working on the same schedule he had (12m-9pm). Even though he didn't help me at all, I was doing some progress. I was hiding my pregnancy with big jackets and sweaters. My project was going well by the end of April, so I got them (my advisors were him and my former advisor) to sign my thesis proposal, and we had agreed to work on this project together for another year and would graduate.

Ok, last message:

He traveled a lot in May, then when he came back (I had been working on the project 3 months), I was 5 and a half months pregnant and I was wearing a maternity shirt. He said that I hadn't been working, I told him about the emails and he said that he didn't have time to read emails, he said that I didn't think (he was calling me stupid) and that if I didn't have progress by the end of the summer he would fire me. Two days later he fired me IN AN EMAIL, and then my other advisor (the woman with a child) told me to leave school without the PhD and find a job. So now I was starting my 5th year and had no advisor. I was so mad. I cried so much. We prayed to God so much.

Sorry. this is truly the last one:

Well, after complaing to everyone, the Chairman of the School od Physics and the graduate coordinator, scheduled a meeting with this famous world known professor and for 3 hours we talked about my project. He thought it was very interesting, and that the deadline was completely unrealistic. He has been doing this simulations for 35 years. He offered me to work with him. I started working with him 3 weeks ago. He is very nice. I will be in training until my baby is born (September 29th), then I will take 6 weeks of paid leave, and then I will work for a year with him and I can graduate (5.5 years perfectly normal time).

I just want to add that 3 weeks ago, we also started taking care of our 2 year old by ourselves. My husband goes from 9am to 5pm, I go from 1pm to 10:30pm. She sleeps for 2 hours in his office, then he takes care of her for an hour, then I take care of her between 4 and 5pm, then he takes her home, and I work until 10:30pm. I get home, we put her to bed, and I fall exhausted at 11:30pm.

But I absolutely love my life. My daughter has brought so much love and joy to our lives. I would definitely not trade her for 3 papers, for anything

wow, rigel, what a story! congratulations to you for your perseverance in spite of all the impossibilities thrown at you!

i especially find that comment by your first advisor, "if i can handle motherhood, why can't you?" tremendously unfair. it shows that combining work and family is not just a gender issue, but very much a "class" problem, too.

Thanks.

But lately, now that I'm 7 months pregnant, at 1pm when I get to school, I am already tired of taking care of dd, of cooking and washing dishes.
What has really helped me (besides God's strength) is thinking about the hour ahead (just staying awake and working for just one more hour). If I start to think about the year and a half left and about taking care of 2 kids, pumping, moving, it just overwhelms me, so I try to think about the present.

I came across this topic and this is exactly the question I am now concerned with. I would really appreciate if anybody already having or just thinking of a baby could share his/her thoughts and experience.
When do you think is the best time to do it: during a PhD or after, what is the best year for it (I am studying in USA where a PhD usually lasts 5 years)? What are the main difficulties?
Thanks a lot!

Wow rigel, that's one amazing story!

Good luck with the new baby and your PhD, you work so hard I feel ashamed with my much easier life and lovely supervisors!