Just one more thought, sorry to go on and on, but hearing about situations like this really winds me up. I understand about what you say on how hard it is to talk about these experiences, or to report them. You can be made to feel as if somehow YOU did something wrong, or should have handled it differently, etc., and its a very hard thing to bring up to someone. It can be one of the hardest things you ever do, and in bringing it up, you can re-experience all of the trauma and the pain. The power of forcing silence on this sort of behaviour is profound. Like I said, its all too common, but most people have kept the experiences to themselves, and are surprised to find out how widespread it is and that it happens to women of all ages, colors, appearances, etc.

YOU did not do anything wrong. The feelings you have are perfectly understandable given what was done to you. It takes courage to approach this situation head on or at all. Hang in there. I have been there and I know how hard it can be--but you can also find your way through it. Don't let some ($)*£$£)*&&&& rob you of your PhD.

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Hi Gat,
I have not done a PhD yet but I would like to give you some advice from an experience I have had during my career. 5 years ago, I was being bullied in my workplace by a female manager. Given that I am a male I found it very hard to stand up to her without seeming to be aggressive. After some time my mental health was being affected so I decided to take some action. I was given some advice by a colleague which proved invaluable. I was told to keep a notebook of every negative comment and incident. I did so at the earliest opportunity. With each comment and incident, I noted the date, time and location. When the situation finally came to a head I had a great deal of accurate information to back up my side of the story.

Some other valuable advice which I received was:

1 You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity at all times. I recommend a quick read of the principles of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

2 People who bully and harass others usually do so because they lack self-esteem and confidence and when you realise this you view them very differently.

3 Keep your Eyes on the Prize. In this case, the prize is your PhD. That is the only thing that matters. This guy is only a resource to help you achieve your goal. You simply need to work with him when it is required and you can ignore him at all other times. It is Ok not to like or be friends with everybody.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Dear All,

I am very happy to say that all your answers have touched me really deeply...I just arrived to my office and the first thing I have done is to check the forum, I couldn't wait to see all your opinions....Even if you guys believe it or not, you have cheered me up much more than expected...It is a strange feeling to see the support given when it doesn't come from your friends or family...It kind of feel it more objective........


I am going to follow some of your advises, to start with. I am going to write down everything I can remember until now of things he has said, and of course I will continue writing down if he say something else...I have joined a couple of courses at uni about self-steem and assertiveness, hope they also help...I am also trying to build up again the relationship with my supervisor, but it is difficult, maybe I need a bit more time and confidence to do it...


You guys have made me smile this morning and I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone and hopefully for good I will keep you posted and I will let you know how it is going....

Thanks again and many kisses
:-)

Cheers to all:-)