Bringing this back on topic and removing the sexism, the question should be how do you balance career and parenthood?
This is exceptionally difficult and in my experience you have to sacrifice something.
You can still have a good career and be a good parent but if your priority is to leave work when the phone rings to deal with your child it is inevitable that other work colleagues who are more dedicated to their work will gain the promotions and pay rises.
Equally if you commit to work you will miss out on the early years of your childs life.
Having tried both of these approaches I am well aware that neither extreme works.
It's a terrible situation to be in.
The solution? I think having a society which provides equal rights to men and women regarding maternity/paternity would be a good start. Also, access to cheaper childcare would help but in my opinion the single biggest thing we could do is to legislate to force all employers with more than 10 members of staff to provide free wrap around childcare on-site for all parents from 8am to 6pm. This would revolutionise the workplace and be the start of true equality.

This is exactly what we need.

Nice idea, but this will probably never happen, because it is just too expensive for companies. In most countries the costs for daycare are equivalent to "normal" salary. The post docs and PhD students with kids here pay literally almost their whole salary for full-time daycare. There is no point in working for them, other than that they are not out of their field. Financially, there is no point in working. It's the same in companies. This could be only achieved by a lot of subsidies and this would probably reflect in higher taxes. There is no cheap childcare if you want to have a certain standard. In Germany they expanded the daycare offer relatively fast, to enable women to work with the result that there are now tons of reports reporting sometimes huge problems, including sometimes even mild forms of child abuse (tied kids to chairs and things like that). The states often did not make these problems public because they have to meet a certain quota in childcare offers and there is already a lack.

I think it is a nice idea but then the whole society has to decide that we have to invest in that (not just companies) and I am pretty sure that many people wouldn't want that, including people like my grandma who think that you are a terrible parent if you let some external institution raise your child most of the work week to secure your career.

Thank you all for your comments.
How was your week? Did you achieve what you set out to do? It’s been one long week – doing teaching and tonnes of admin work. I did get a lot of admin work done. It will be a working weekend for me.
Dunham and pm133 – your comments are largely presumptuous and I will not dignity each of them with a response, except to say that they do not add or take away from my experience as a woman in academia. It is obvious that you are very unhappy people. If this thread helps you exhale… you are welcome to do that here. I will not be following your comments.
Everyone else – thank you very much for your encouragement! Now let’s press on. This weekend I need to prepare for four classes and set 2 exams. My goals for today are:
1) Work towards my next publication by reading an article.
2) Prepare slides for 2 classes.
3) Set 1 exam.

Funny. It sounded a lot like you are a bit unhappy and needed a valve to exhale in your first post ;)

Anyway, feel encouraged and virtually patted on the back.

Dunham, as a female in academia I am shocked by how opinionated can somebody without any direct experience of the issue be. What do you know about the pressures of being a mother? Nothing. Even when you are the one having a career and have a supporting partner, you will still feel terrible for not being around your kids. So yes, there is an advantage for males. What an ignorant post...

As a women I have to say... I don't think that disagreeing with parts of the original post makes those members sexist! Every coin has two sides.

Have resisted saying anything till now, as it seems a bit of a conflict thread! :o

pm133, I think, was the one who said the OP was sexist, but his most aggressive post appears to have been removed.

It just seems a shame that a post requesting support has met with such hostility - demonstrating part of the problem with academic culture, I think.

OK, let's focus on the less heated stuff maybe. Just to say glad you are back on the forum jojo. Look forward to seeing your new threads/posts and hope you had a productive weekend in the end!
Tudor

Right, there are absolutely no pressures of being a father. Do you guys really don't understand how incredibly insulting this whole view on men is? Did it ever occur to you that it is maybe also not that easy for fathers to not be around their kids? That I am maybe a bit pissed when women who never met me and don't know anything about me imply that we don't do anything but focus on work, that this is why our life is per se easier and this way diminishing accomplishments in general? I am not the one who is making ignorant posts here. That does NOT mean that women have easy lives or that it is not difficult to be a mother and have a career at the same time. I confirmed many times that there is a lot of inequality and things we have to work on. We do that, conditions for women in academia clearly improved in the last 20 years and they will probably continue to improve.




I seriously don't know how you cannot be insulted by the OPs first post as a man, but apparently that's just me. I also don't need all that hostility and obviously everybody else is perfectly fine with the content.

So no worries. Last post from me.

Having silently followed this thread so far I'm gonna throw myself in the line of fire now and admit that I'm with Dunham and find many of the reactions to his post pretty ridiculous.

The OP wrote:

"My experience as a woman is that there isn’t an equal playing field for us. Society just takes, takes, and takes from you. We get little support be it on the home-front or at work. It is easier for the guys to progress at work because they get a lot done for them – dinner, laundry, baby-sitting - all they have to do is focus."

In reaction to that Dunham

a) clearly acknowledged that there are a lot of inequalities left, and that we have to continue to work on reducing them.

b) was in no way aggressive or hostile.

c) simply criticised the OP's rather simplistic view that science and research are a man's world and that a man gets everything served to him on a silver platter as long as he just focuses.

I wouldn't say I find it insulating, but it is definitely a bit of a childish view. I have to admit that a) I am a man (definitely a disadvantage in this discussion as it somehow tarnishes ones credibility on the issue) and b) I am not yet at the stage in life where I and my peers marry, get children etc., so I cannot recount a lot of first hands experiences of relationships and research. But I know from my surroundings that in the year 2016 a lot of couples actually share housework, share caring for the kids etc.

If you're a woman in science and you feel you are being weighed down by responsibilities while your partner is getting ahead, then that's a problem with your relationship, not research. Tell him to do the dishes, tell him to watch the kids some days a week and get on with your research.

Dunham, of course its not easy for fathers neither. There is however greater pressure on females, plenty of research available for this so you can read about it if you want to.

MrFox, I have a supporting husband. That is not often the problem. The problem is the fact that if you want to have a child and spend some time on maternity leave, this will have a negative impact on your career. There is some funding available but its very competitive (like everything in science) so women do come out worse. The emotional and social pressure is worse for women in this sense.

How many of you actually have kids? I am asking because until you have actually experienced this yourself its hard to understand it. It really is.

Thats why there is Athenna Swan etc, because this problem is recognized.

It is undoubtedly getting better. Its it not just sharing responsibilities, its the conscious and unconscious bias when hiring (again very well documented), childcare problems etc.
Nobody has it easy in academia, thats for sure. But pretending this problem doesnt exist or just putting it down to not very supportive partner isnt going to change that. Women do bring children to the world and they want to be with them during the first few month of their life. It is absolutely heartbreaking to leave a screaming four month child at the nursery because you have to go to work for the whole day, because you are worried to take full maternity leave. Because you have to publish. As I mentioned, there is research available on this issue stating that this is a concern for more women than men. I almost get a feeling reading this thread that women should chose between the career and motherhood?

I absolutely agree with this.