I asked my hubby if he would consider going part-time or even stay-at-home if we were to have a child. He has said "hmmmm...yes" but I'm not sure I would want him to...

I am in the same position as you really. I am nearly half way through though. I started this PhD knowing I was going to start a family at some point during it - or I would never have done it. I really love my PhD, it is the best job in the world. But I have to have children, and as I am funded this time seems best as I get 6 months paid maternity leave and to work at home. My partner will be hands on too - he is going to go part time but has his own businesses anyway... I could never do a PhD and look after a baby full time and he be out at work all day. But at the same time - if you want it badly enough, anything is possible. You can't predict the future.

What I would say is to leave it till after fieldwork if you are going away...

My (male) Sup is going to have a fit though... He has told me not to get pregnant because you are so much less likely to complete. Eek!

i'm at the end of my second year, and family planning is currently an important topic. i personally think that if i were going to get pregnant during the PhD, about now would be the best time. however, i'm still stuck in fieldwork, which involves meeting women who want to but can't get pregnant. i feel it would be insensitive to do this with a big belly sticking out. so the family bit just has to wait.

i think it wouldn't/won't be easy, but is totally doable. much depends on your financial situation and on your partner and relationship. many years ago i fell for my partner because he, without promting, came up with the topic of family and children, and said that ideally both partners would share the child-care and that he would really like to get a job that would enable this. hah! he pushed all the right buttons there

i was 30 when i started the PhD. so a little younger than you. but all the same: whilst some people will say/have said on this forum: why don't you wait until you are finished with the PhD? - this is not necessarily an option for some of us. of course, it might work: finish your PhD at age 34, get a job immediately, sometime into that - perhaps at age 35 - get pregnant. however, what if it doesn't work immediately? fertility statistically drops by half for every year after the age of 35. so it might just not work out. so for those of us in this "critical" age span, it leaves three options: no kids& PhD; kids&no PhD; both at the same time. so, even knowing that it will be hard, i'd rather do both at the same time than risk not being able to have kids at all.

Yup - Shani - those were the three options alright.

Janey - my supervisor was totally supportive of my having a baby and taking time out. If I had had another one (and we did try but we can't) then I think that would have been curtains for ever completing this PhD. Sad but you have to prioritise. Sometimes you don't know what your priorities are going to be later on - so keep an open mind to the future.

Hiya,

I have started my Phd but am only a year in doing it PT(I can't afford the FTfees)
I am 4months pregnant and went into the PhD with every intention of becoming pregnant at some point!
I completed a graddip course and had a baby in the middle of that
I think there are advantages to having a baby whilst doing a PhD- it has offered me a great deal more flexibility to spend time with the baby. I would have felt uncomfortable about just leaving work completely- this way i feel like i am actively working towards being able to return to a much better job than I left - and so feel like i am countering all the existing issues that mums coming out of work face in trying to get back at the same level/pay (hopefully!!)
cont...

cont...
I would say you need to have structured child care so you have time specifically set aside for doing your research right from day one. My lilman goes to nursery for 2sessions a week. This is my time and I am VERY precious about it! But here is one of the major advantages of having a baby whilst doing a PhD - you HAVE to be so organised and motivated that I feel I am much more focussed than I would be if time seemed to be no issue!!
Good luck with it all! It has certainly been a positive experience for me so far!!! Regardless of the PhD situation, there is never the perfect time to have a child but you can make it work - and i think my little one actually benefits from his time socialising with other children and from the fact that his mum still feels like she is part of the adult world!!!

Perhaps it also depends on the field of your studies. Social sciences are - I guess - much more flexible than other subjects. It would not be possible to take any time out of my PhD due to other groups waiting on my results: I'm part of a big chain. But I think most other PhDs are less rigid than this.

Do any uni's have groups for student parents? There seem to be societies for everything else round here. If there aren't, you could try starting one up.

Let's all have babies and PhDs.

I have heard all to often though that your brain turns to mush when you have a baby though, for ages! Mine is mush most of the time anyway it doesn't need help... I think I worry that hving a baby will mean I won't want my PhD any more. I will just want to coo all day and grow veggies and more children.

Thanks for your wee message Smilodon. I have every intention of having one next year and another baking away coming submission... Then I will be two down and ready for the working world! (Maybe...!) Sup will just have to be amazed and proud of my will and ability to complete. We are multi-taskers after all!

Picking up on a slightly earlier comment, I do have to say I wonder why women do PhD's *if* they want to be a full time mother? If I ever changed my mind and wanted to pop a sprog out I would try and take off as little maternity leave as possible and make damn sure my partner was willing to sacrifice his career to a point as well - either we both went part time ... or he gave up his job.. or we both changed our hours and it went into childcare....

I can completely see why businesses are wary about employing women of childbearing age if maternity leave is a year long.. sadly they're not allowed to ask 'do you plan to have children?' so I've actually mentioned it as don't want to be discriminated against due to my gender..

[waits for the flaming of her fellow sisters... ]

I agree with you in some ways PC_Geek. I want children at some point but definitely not whilst doing a PhD. In a way it seems a little pointless. You might miss out on conferences and other experiences (which is what I think is part of doing a PhD) because you have to stay at home with the baby. I got to go to 3 conferences abroad this year and presented, if I was pregnant or already had a baby, I wouldn't have been able to go.

I will be starting my new job soon and will probably be travelling abroad quite a bit. If I get pregnant, I wont be able to go so far (or would want to) and then they will start leaving me out more and more. It wouldn't help develop my career.

I agree with you, PCGeek: going back to my earlier post, I could not believe the amount of men who said that they never employ women under 45, because "they'll just go off and have baby after baby" (or words to that effect). I can sympathise with both sides: I know from industrial work how hard it is when 2 out of 5 members of staff are away for almost a year. But that's why I think leave should be "parental" rather than maternal: that way, (ideally), women would be no greater risk than men.

I don't want kids either: I'd probably laugh out loud if someone suggested I would go off and get pregnant.

Horses for courses chaps. We are all in unique situations and can only generalise on here with broad pieces of advice or opinions. To say you *couldn't* present or go to a conference with a baby or pregnant is very general and your feelings. I certainly could?! Having a baby won't stop me being me or doing my PhD. We all have different feelings about motherhood and childcare and perhaps this isn't the place to air them if they aren't necessarily helpful...

PC - it would be strange if you wanted to be a full-time mother - but not if you are happier working at least part-time, which among my peer group of mothers, is the preferred option whether that is part-time study or work (and part-time can mean 4 days/week which allows 2 half days for example).

Being with a baby 24/7 can, frankly, get very tedious. Most of us really enjoy having work days as a balance. I went to conferences away from home, sometimes overseas, when I was pregnant and when she was over one year.