A lot has happened. I met with my manager and basically broke down, revealed what was going wrong. Told her that I'd like to transfer to MSc or plain quit. Gave me a week to think about it - submitted the progression forms required just in case.
Been to see a student counsellor who seems to agree that the PhD really isn't what I want, and not for the wrong reasons. One work-colleague has also said that if he were me feeling this way, he'd probably make the same decision. I'm absolutely certain this is the right move for me, personally. I want to work to live but it's been the other way for too long now. Not sure if I want to continue in the same line of work - alternatives are more power/nuclear-based, in England (FAR away from my girlfriend, friends etc) or possibly the police force, which I've considered for a while. I just hope I get SOMETHING in the meantime in order to get some money in - the job situation is REALLY grim out there - but that is no decision to stay on a PhD that's not working. Basically a lot of conflicting emotions and fears, especially of letting down bosses, facing possible anger and getting a terrible reference. However I've got to stop thinking about what other people will think and start focussing on what I need.
I have a careers meeting tomorrow which will be handy as well as another meeting with my manager. So I'm getting a lot of input which is good. Friends especially have noted that as time has gone on, my complaints about the programme have increased - I work all hours, no longer play guitar (which was my passion!), and seem stressed a lot (linked to my slight hair loss no doubt...). What I need now is a simple job, hopefully part-time, just to pay the rent and fuel bills so that I can survive until I've sorted it all out.
Thanks for your interest :)

Hi there, Im not sure if this has been suggested already but would you consider taking a leave of absence from the PhD....This would give you time away from the situation and more space to make your final decision as to whether or not to stay. A friend of mine did this - she got her funding suspended for a year and got a job doing something else (She was also very unhappy in her PhD, very stressed and even a little depressed about it). She eventually decided that she didnt want to go back to the PhD but she found that having the option of going back after a year was a good safety net in case she regretted leaving.

Thanks for the suggestion, I appreciate it :)
This was considered but is entirely impractical for company reasons - believe me, it wouldn't work!
Thanks, though!

That all sounds really good Guitarman. You're giving it loads of thought and it sounds like everyone supports you, so you're definitely not doing it on the spur of the moment. Try not to worry about letting other people down, I'm guilty of that myself, but it would be SO wrong to stick with something like a PhD purely for other people. You'd be the one doing all the work and possibly suffering as a consequence if you can't stand it, so even people you worry about letting down wouldn't be selfish (or sadistic?) enough to want you to carry on regardless, would they...? It's your life.

Hope your next meetings go well and you can make the right decision for yourself soon. Look after yourself! (up)

Thanks so much, I appreciate it :)
Yes, definitely talking to lots of people - I do believe I'm exiting in the best fashion possible, looking at it from all sides.

Sounds like yuo and I are the same on some levels! I DREAD letting people down, fearing what others will think of me etc. Some people will not be happy, fact, and I just have to work around that somehow.

Will let you know how I get on :)

Hey Guitarman, I also wanted to add - get back to your guitar! I play piano and a bit of guitar myself, and you know as I know, that it really works as a meditation and clears your thoughts - and simply makes you feel better and more "multidimensional". PhD took away so much time sometimes that I did not have time to play. But looking back at my last year, I rather regret staying in the lab for long lonely evenings than finishing experimenting earlier and getting to the piano and playing (and I quit this last lab for a new, also questionable one)...Btw thanks for your comment on my "quitting" post :D one quitter advises other possible quitter, ha, ha.

No problem!
I've actually started to play it a bit more of late. Something was going wrong when I stopped playing..
Anyway it looks like I will hopefully be transferring to MSc. Afterwards, I am undecided whether to stay in engineering, but a different branch (may mean moving south and not keen on leaving the girlfriend!) or making a drastic change and joining the police, which is something I've wanted to do for a while now.

good luck in whatever you decide, but take small steps at a time and don't burn any bridges until you have to. If you feel lik eyou want to try the police thing - have you made any enquiries yet? Think positive I am sure it will work out right in the end.

Thank you :)
A bit of a down night tonight - doubting whether this has all been too sudden - will be unemployed - that sort of thing. But then I think about having to read just one more research paper and realise again it isn't for me. Still a bummer overall. I wish my girlfriend was back from holidays so I could speak to her. Police is what I'm leaning towards - many people I know think I'm mad, big pay cut, not the sort of job they saw me going into. I guess I'll see how things pan out. Really down tonight :(

I think you're bound to have a few emotionally wobbly moments, as it's a really big decision you're making. Could you ring your girlfriend up, even if she's on holiday? Or speak to other good friends?

Maybe you could stave off your fears of unemployment by starting to investigate your alternatives. I know you said you had a few ideas, have you looked at what jobs are around in those areas at the moment? If other alternatives become more concrete then maybe your worry about unemployment will diminish a bit. I know you said you don't want to move away from your girlfriend right now, but maybe looking at jobs in other areas would be useful as a transition from PhD to full time work, it doesn't have to be forever. If joining the police seems good to you, what type of training would you have to do to join - you could check that out, I expect there's stuff about recruitment on their websites; if you have to do a course then at least you wouldn't be unemployed! A colleague of mine (IT technician) joined the police in an IT capacity as his skills were easily transferable to some of their projects - is there anything you do that would provide similar opportunities? btw do you read UK police blogs? They're a really interesting insight into the day to day job, also many are very well written too. They've been a regular source of procrastination for me over the past few years, everyone doing a PhD has something, don't they! :-)

Hope you feel better today anyway.

I do feel a bit better, thank you!!
No contact with my girlfriend until next weekend unfortunately. I have good friends but don't think they understand the gravity of the situation.
Yes, I am looking into what I need to do in order to join the police - so today I'm off to the gym to do some training! If I start thinking it's not what I want to do then I may go into nuclear power as I believe that will present a lot of jobs in future. Will need something part-time until then - I almost feel a failure having done so well at uni and now I may be doing part-time work, whereas everybody else is doing fine.
At least I am not one of my friends with a kid to raise - he wishes he could change career but it is too risky for him right now. That is real responsibility.

There's no point in quitting your PhD because you'll find people with jobs have similar problems. You'll lose your hair no matter where you are. Life is basically hard and will never be as easy as when you were an undergrad, so rise to the challenge and make the best of it.

Another night of doubt. Went to see the new Star Trek movie but was worrying throughout... Afterwards we got something to eat. Now, sitting at home, I'm wondering if I can afford such luxuries if I will be unemployed. This is a major, major fear for me. Thoughts about the police were probably airy-fairy, I don't want to work bars on minimum wage - what I've got doesn't seem so bad when I think of the money coming in. But then I think about the lack of motivation, those dull research papers. Ugh. My head is about to explode from indecision. This decision isn't final yet - next week it will be, one way or the other.
Again, I wish my girlfriend were here for support. I don't think I've ever felt so low in my entire life. I've always secured secured this work or that before leaving the current job but now there is a real fear of uncertainty and I'm starting to doubt my decision. I think I'm more stressed thinking about this than when I was actually doing the research!!

Hello again. Why don't you ask your supervisor for a short suspension of studies so you can think about the whole situation more clearly? Maybe a few months. Then you'd have no PhD work to do, it would take off the pressure temporarily and you'd have the opportunity to see whether you were drawn back to the PhD subject, or maybe you'd never want to see it again. You'd be able to go back to it if that's what you decide, or would at least be able to make the right decision about alternatives. And you wouldn't be officially unemployed, though I have no idea about whether it would affect your specific funding arrangements - you'd have to check.

I'm sure your supervisor would want you to make the right decision, and if a breathing space ends up motivating you to stay, then that's great for the college. If not, at least you'd be making an informed choice if you do leave, and hopefully with no regrets about was it the right thing to do etc. I'm not a supervisor but I can't imagine any of them wanting to supervise someone whose heart isn't in it, as more problems are likely to build up when it draws towards its final stages, because it's really heavy going at times at the end. PhD students take time out for various reasons, personal or emotional problems, and health issues. A break helps you to get your head together, your health back to normal, or whatever the specific issues are for that student. There have been other posts on here from students who have got quite depressed with their PhD situations and have sorted out a suspension of studies. It helps you get back on track (or quit).

Anyway, it's just a thought. Hope you feel better today! (up)

I am doing a masters and am seriously thinking about turning down my funded offer of a phd for october because i have been so utterly misrable this year. there are jobs out there. have you spoken to your careers service? i just think that the vast majority of the population get jobs with out a phd and so many phds go into teaching after anyway! so what is the point if you don't want to be an academic? honestly everyone who knows how unhappy i have been is encouraging me to quit and it is only those in my department who keep telling me to stay because they can't see outside their bubble of academia. life is too short to be so unhappy. i feel so scared, but the thought of leaving makes me feel free and happy for the first time in years.