OK, firstly I have to apologise for this emotional blog I keep updating. I hope you guys don't mind - it allows me to express my feelings, hopefull get some feedback which I appreciate, and perhaps others can relate to it.

A suspension can't be on the cards - the work I'm doing, unfortunately, is on a company's main path, so it's a tight schedule up until the end of the year. It's been discussed but doesn't look liek it could work out. Thanks, though :)

Bilbo - I have been to careers, yes. They say it's not the end of the world, they see failed PhDs at least 5-6 times a week! My CV is exemplary to date so they think I just need to brush up on whatever it is I want to go into, wait for the grad recruitment and apply, apply, apply! I need to speak to my girlfriend as we aren't keen on there being too big a distance between us, which really would limit my options, in a big way. My main worry right now is eating into savings and having no immediate job - possibly throwing away a good career. There's a reason it's come to this, though.. I look at the folks in my office and they still work lots of hours at this later stage in their lives and I don't want to become like that. I have to tell my boss either way what I plan next week, so that will be crunch time.

First and foremost. Best of Luck with what ever decide. I understand how you may be feeling now. Sounds like you are in a similar situation to the one I was in for my PhD.

I too was doing an Engineering PhD but I bailed out after a year. I was on a very demanding project with a supervisor who offer very little support of any kind and I worked with a post doc who loved nothing other than to stab me in the back.  I took early retirement after my first year viva. The best decision I ever made. I still reflect on what might of been and somehow still harbour a desire to jump in and hav another crack at a PhD provided the circumstances are right but for the most part I'm happy not to be doing a PhD at the moment. I'm on a masters at the moment and I've secured myself a job starting in Septemeber in what should hopefully turn into an successful career.


It is not the end of the world if you leave and from reading your post it sounds like you have already made your mind up. Dont just stay for the sake of finsihing your PhD. I know its hard but you will need to swallow your pride. If it makes you very unhappy and you dont see it being a real benefit to your career then I think you should leave, draw a line under it and change career. AS someone once said on this forum: "worse things happen out at sea"

I think you will find that droping out of a PhD will not detrimentally affect your future career prospects unless you let it. Most prospective employers wont have PhDs and so wont give a crap. You can always put a positive spin on things to prospective employers about the skills and knowledge you have gained during your time. think about it.

Do talk to your the career gauidance people/ advisers at your department before leaving as they should be able to advise as to the best course of action for your next move. Just send me a message if you need any other advice

(up)

RJB

It's good that you've secured yourself a job. I wish I could say the same..... :(

I feel the system has let me down in a way. I personally would warn anybody of doing a PhD to REALLY think about it first. I was enamoured by the status of the title 'doctor,' and never really understood just what a trial it could be. In fact, if I could go back, I'd probably rather have done an apprenticeship like my friends - I'd have been earning earlier on and wouldn't have this extremely crippling student debt I have now.

I have made my mind up, yes. It is only the worry of lack of income that ever sways me. I now need to try and convert what I've done to an MSc (hopefully getting another few months' pay out of it - I REALLY need it), and then start applying for jobs - after consultation with my girlfriend. We adore each other and do not want to live far apart - though I more than realise how this can limit a 'career'. Career... the word sounds almost hollow to me now. I really feel I've wisened up over the last year and a half regarding life in general - I can tell when I smell bullsh!t a mile off lol... and know now to speak up for myself and don't be trodden on.

May I ask what kind of engineering you do, and what job/how you went about getting your other job, especially in the face of converting to a Masters? Maybe a private message would be better suited?

Thank you :)

Damn it - I wrote a huge piece of text but it got wiped out!
Anyway... at the start of the week I would have been adamant to change to an MSc. Now a week has gone by... and I finally got to speak to my girlfriend who is in Greece just now! We've agreed that a job down south wouldn't do either of us too many favours...! She realises how miserable I've been and tells me to take note! But she also thinks it may be a good idea to keep going until I find something else - not really an option. If I stick to this I cannot raise this quitting business again as it would reflect very poorly on myself. But I acknowledge her point - lack of income is definitely a huge concern. It's probably the main reason why I'd consider staying on - but is that enough of a reason!? The guys here are actually pretty cool about it all thankfully - though I have to make a decision soon. My girlfriend also tells me she'll support my decision no matter how poor it makes me :)
I just don't have the same level of interest as others - after this project is up I have two years to go and I can't see any great ideas coming out of it. I treat it more as a job than anything else - last thing I want to do at night is research. I want to be home by 6 and doing something else! I'm at work right now - at half past eight at night!! But then if I transfer to MSc, after two months I will have no job to go to, and there doesn't seem to be much in the area.
I'm at a total loss - from a financial perspective staying on would be the right thing to do. From a personal perspective, I might be better off trying something else - but we all need money to live..!
So confused right now.

======= Date Modified 12 May 2009 20:38:55 =======
I left a full-time PhD over a decade ago due to long-term illness developing. Leaving the PhD was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but also the best one: I couldn't possibly carry on as I was, and the funding council wouldn't support a shift to part-time, and self-funded part-time wasn't an option. Once I'd made the decision I felt a huge weight lift of my mind. I still went through a period of mourning for the PhD, and had the added complication of having to watch my husband go on to complete his PhD in the same department. But it was right for me to leave.

Basically if you're still confused I'd suggest hanging on in there for a bit, possibly also taking a short break if you can. Re quitting in future of course you can, if that's the right decision. But you shouldn't feel rushed into the decision.

As for a PhD being a job that's how I've always viewed it. When I was full-time I worked 9-5 and wouldn't work in evenings or at weekends. Now over a decade on I'm a part-time PhD student in another discipline (and have nearly completed the PhD) I have a similar attitude. It is possible, but it may mean you have to be a bit ruthless about what you do - or rather don't - do.

Anyway good luck with your decision, but don't rush it. And don't feel that you have to make the decision right now.

Unfortunately, I'm company-sponsored and what I'm doing is absolutely critical to the company... so they need to know this week what I want to do so that they can possibly re-assign somebody else to my project - there's a tight deadline on this thing and it would also be crucial for the PhD. So for future reference - I CANNOT take time out on this... :)
One friend is telling me I have no major financial obligations, so just go for something else (easier said than done!) whilst others are telling me to keep doing it since as unhappy as I may be, I will always need some money coming in. I have thought of seeing it through and then switching to something else - this would give me a VERY good financial backing. However that's two more years in something I'm not thrilled about, getting more and more pigeon-holed. However I would feel 'safe' in a monetary sense. It's all becoming so real now. Do I take the dive or not.. *head explodes*
Note if I defer to MSc, I may get an extra two months worth of work on reduced pay - but some time to look for something.
Big decision and I think it may be tomorrow................ my heart is pounding...

I don't envy you. It's a case of after the decision has been made and really only at a later date will you really know if it was the right one. Unfortunately, ONLY YOU can make the decision. I'd say stick it out if you can, if only for the money and until you secure something else.

Hope it all works out.

Honestly... right now when it hits the dead of night is when I'm at my weakest. Right now I would probably say 'I'll stay on' just for the money. God, that sounds awful. I feel horrible just saying it. But then I would also feel horrible about saying 'I quit!'.. more from a financial perspective.
Gah.

Hey guitarman!
Been following your threads for the past few days, but we've not heard from you for a while. How are things? Have you made any definate decisions yet?
Hope everything's ok,
Starshine

Cult thread lol!

I had last week off which was both great and horrible. Good in the sense that I was away from it all - but bad in that I was tossing things up in my head all the time!

My company have been very supportive - basically have said I should do what's right for me. I still think the project is doomed to failure, but it's actually not THAT bad here... I wish I'd just taken the job rather than the PhD with the company.

I have yet ANOTHER week to think things through (at least I think so). Finally got in touch with my girlfriend who is fully supportive no matter what I do. Most people seem to think I should stick it if at least for the money - but if I do, could you imagine the furore if I went through all of this again...?

There isn't much in the way of jobs around here, which is a bummer. Definitely decided to stay close to my girlfriend so that limits career options. But I don't care as long as we're together. Honestly, I think I've been stressing out more about being unemployed than staying on the doctorate. I am definitely more suited to work life than academia. If I could I would defer to MSc and work for the company but that may not be an option - I am going to ask my boss. I'm not quite fit enough yet for the police which is a bummer - and that's chancing it as if I don't get in who knows what I'd do. Part of me feels like staying on - the company is good, the team is great. But that's from a work-perspective. It's the academic side I'm not overly keen on still... So I guess I have to make a choice after next week. I bet you're all biting your fingernails in anticipation lol! The best situation, as I said, would be for me to simply work for the company without going through with the doctorate. There has been no moment of clarity where I've thought 'this is the right decision' so that's been a bit of a bummer. It is SO much harder getting a new job when you're unemployed as opposed to when you're currently in one.

I don't know what else to say..

For the record, I do think you're making the right decision. If you look for other jobs and something comes up there's nothing stopping you applying for it and seeing what happens. But at least in the meantime you're still working towards something and earning money (a major bonus!). If you're still feeling like this and nothings' changed say in 3-6 months, and hopefully the economy is in a better position (who knows though?!) there's nothing stopping you leaving if it's the right time then. Better to have something, like you said, rather than being unemployed and hoping for the best. I'm sure it's not that bad that you'd rather be unemployed and poor, so maybe try and be a little more positive about it all ( I know that's easier said than done) but still keep abreast of the old jobs market at the same time.
I bet once your gf's back off holiday you'll feel alot better anyway just having her around and supporting you!

Update - I may be looking at deferring to an MSc whilst until the end of the year being employed by my company (probably on lower pay but hey) to finish the project. This would give me time to look for something else and continue in work. Could be a good option - will see!

Bump.

So I had the first meeting with my supervisor since the last incident. He seemed pretty understanding. To cut a long story short, I could still pull through if I changed the way I work towards this thing - but deep down I'm more of a team worker than an academic researcher, and there's no shame in that. More than likely, I will continue to work for the company until the end of the year, write a report on the work and leave with a strong MSc. After that who knows - I will likely be putting in applications in the run up to the end of the year. It feels like a load's been liften off already..

Thank you! It was especially gruesome for me as I had to break the news to six people (bosses, supervisors etc) - very character forming....!
During the two weeks my main worries have been unemployment in future and lack of income. But when I speak to anybody about this, I realise that first and foremost I can't pretend to be somebody I'm not - research doesn't suit me and following through with this would be a waste of my short life. Even if I'm unemployed come November (hope not!) I know this is the right decision. It does take a lot of guts to quit/defer, especially considering the stigma attached to quitting a PhD... then add on top of that bills, fear of unemployment, people telling you to keep doing it (just a bad spell - I don't think so..!).. it's a draining experience. I do feel, however, that I'll benefit more from this decision than if I decided to stay on and keep doing it. Maybe not in a monetary sense... but I'm young enough with no real responsibilities... I decided to take the plunge, be one of those people who change careers/do something others would find radical - very scary but I can't wait to see now what the future holds for me. And I'm so very glad that it wont be anything to do with academia!!