I don't believe in sugar coating my contributions on this forum either. Some of the best feedback/advice I've received in regards to study/work has been brutally honest, and at times, bordering on what some (more delicate) people would consider rude and condescending.

LouLou15, whatever decision you make, all the best.

Loulou,

Is a suspension an option to take stock of your situation properly?

Your posts suggest a career path designed to keep other people happy rather than yourself. You wanted to do nursing, you still do, but were persuaded to do a science degree. The PhD has followed on from that.

If you really want to do nursing and are able to enrol, then do so and bring a phase of your life where you have been very unhappy to an end.

If you were third year and writing up (or close), my advice might have been to see the PhD through, as at that stage it probably have been more damaging to you employment wise to quit so close to the end. That said, even for me who's PhD experience was a fairly good one write-up was tough going.

However, you're at the end of your first year with a long way (2 to 3 years) to go. Whilst I wouldn't have used Fled's language exactly, I agree that to continue would not be good use of your time when your heart is elsewhere or of the University's time with a project that is not going anywhere due to the doubts of the current research candidate. I think it might be kinder for all concerned with the words you use to describe your situation to call it a day.

A suspension period would give you time to think about where your life is going and what direction YOU want it to go without making a hasty decision. You might take a short break say, come back with a new plan and be able to change the experience in your favour.

However, reading between the lines I believe you have already subconsciously made your decision and coming back to the same project some months down the road you may not be able to face. This is something I understand from a poor second post-doc experience (in my case people rather than project) where I just couldn't wait to leave.

Ian

To cut a long story short, first post-doc at PhD Uni. - no problems. Second post-doc was at another Uni.

Alarm bells rung straight after interview when I found out new boss ("renowned" Prof.) was being sued by former employee via industrial tribunal. Well meaning family suggested it was nothing to do with me so I foolishly went ahead (I was going to back out).

I'd been taken on to cover workload of an established researcher, who would act as my (de)mentor. Prof. on first meeting said as though I was not there, that I was a "second choice, a stop gap measure" and "they'd just have to make do". Telling people the story since, they said they would have walked out there and then. However, that would have left me without unemployment benefit and no income.

An otherwise interesting project was spoilt by the moody personalities involved (my de-mentor and the Prof.). The Prof. himself basically was able to put the fear of God up the department.

My induction taught me correct use of test equipment, however, some spreadsheets were just forwarded to me without proper explanation and I found myself in a meeting with a client where my analysis was wrong. I stupidly gave a wrong answer to the client as I didn't know how I was supposed to answer - that I admit I shouldn't have done. But it was already clear at that stage they were people who didn't want to know about problems and only wanted to hear good things - I was on a loser whatever I did.

I later figured out if I could exclude the de-mentor from the discussions, I got on better with the Prof. However, an indiscretion by the de-mentor went unpunished whilst I seemingly could do no right. She'd apparently omitted an important additive from a mixture, realised what she'd done, but continued to do it PhD and post-doc so her results remained consistent - far bigger than my meeting faux pas!!!

Ian

To finish, I saw through the post-doc (only one year) though tried a couple of times unsuccessfully to find another job. As regards coping, I had to, day-to-day though at times I was at the end of my tether. Once I knew what I had to do practically (though with a feeling I never really owned the project I worked on), I was able to set myself a rough target for each day and work through it, accounting for the fact that the next mood swing or tantrum from either personality could throw me off course or undermine my confidence. When it happened, I had to somehow brush myself down and start again.

One big problem after was I left without a reference from the Prof., so it was nearly a year before I found my current job without a reference from my last employer. My advice thus is if you've no alternatives, try to stay put and remain on good terms if possible for the people you're working for the sake of references and also because if you are active (and not unemployed), it is easier to find alternative employment. However, if you have health problems due to your situation then moving on may become the only alternative. Long term sick may be another option if you're in this situation.

Given your situation (and had this been available to me), if you've an alternative that takes you in a direction you want to go then take it and lead a happier life. You want to be a nurse, go be one!!!

As regards trying to please other people, it's your life. F**k'em!!!

Why am I so blunt? The second post-doc was at a prestigious University as opposed to the new University / ex-Poly where I did my PhD, so friends and relatives in their advice to me saw that as a big plus. I went against my instincts on their (well meant) advice and am still paying career wise to this day.


Ian

Like everyone else here, i also think, if this PhD is making you this miserable, then your best solution is to get out.

I was in a situation like you not so long ago (although with a different kind of degree, not a PhD) and one of the biggest worries, like you, was disappointing my family and friends. I think i stuck around in my degree way to long for the amount of time that i knew i wasn't happy in it, simply to not upset my family by dropping out.

It got to the point when i found it hard to get out of bed and everything seemed useless. Then, one day, i become very upset and when to visit my mum and told her how i couldn't take it anymore and told her that i didn't want to disappoint anyone and how i couldn't see a way out. In the end, my family and friends were a lot more understanding than i thought they'd be, because they could see how much being in a situation like that was eating at me.

What i'm trying to say is, while you think you're disappointing your family, your family wouldn't be your family if they would rather see you miserable in a PhD, then following your dreams and actually being happy. Just sit them down and explain to them bluntly what is going on and how difficult you're finding everything- they may be more supportive than you think. But what it comes down to more than anything else is YOU. You have to realise that this PhD isn't what you want from life, and maybe Nursing is. Quitting something is not bad if you're doing it for the right reasons- which in your case is that you gave it a go, and found out its not right for you. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Continued] Don't give up on the idea of Nursing. If its stuck around with you as long as you say it has, then its probably what will make you happy. Quit the PhD, find a part time job or something to support yourself, and go talk to some people in the nursing profession. Send a few emails to your local hospital and ask to shadow a nurse or something- i know from personal experience that more hospitals will help you out. Go to university open days for nursing, found out what the course is like. Also, find out what qualifications/experiences are needed, see if you have them, and if you don't, go and get them. Then apply for next years entry. I say this because i think it may be best for your health and state of mind (and not just because of your depression) if you took a step away from everything and worked on things steadily, rather than rushing straight into a new degree.

I wish you the best of luck and i hope you do follow your dreams. Everything may not be as bad as you think.