Sneaks' accountability thread
bleugh - have been having my birthday and doing non-PhD work trying to put evil PhD work off and not think about it at all but my sup keeps on emailing "I can't wait to read XYZ - how exciting!" and I just want to hide under my duvet! She has now involved this bloke in my publication who is not superior to me in any way, has no knowledge about the project - I don't really understand why he's involved and its just diluting my publication. I'm doing all the work, she is re-organising some of it, but this bloke gets tagged on the end anyway. Hmph.
Anyways. The plan is to get a report for this non-PhD thing done tonight and then start afresh tomorrow with a proper sense of what the hell I am doing! I really need to get things back on track.
after being involved in a heated debate about hanging 10 year old boys and Jon Venables I had an awful night of vivid nightmares about finding out I work with one of the boys and it being really scary once they found out I knew. Its annoying because the fact that they were really scary in my nightmare goes against what I have been arguing with people i.e. they were kids, who didn't really know what they were doing.
Anyway, I think I will do my report before lunch and then settle in to restructuring the writing I did last week.
Ok, so today hasn't been great so far. I had to go for my smear :-( but its all done now and off my mind.
I have a major stress out problem with my PhD. My sup decided to change my first study so it is based on a different theory. SO I now have to pretend that I collected the data with that in mind, when I didn't, and the data doesn't really fit it. She also wants me to write it up for publication, so in this article I will talk about a theory that isn't actually tested? - so confused! SHe says the study will be 'couched in the theory' but we don't necessarily test it - this just seems wrong, any ideas?
Anyway, today...
- going to look at said theory and see how the hell am going to write it up
- write a list of things I need to do to change the paper before sups deadline.
- do one set of qual analysis cos sup thinks i've done it all!
can't really settle either. I'm going to do a big chart for what i have to do before my funding runs out. Hopefully it will be motivational rather than daunting.
I have used the theory later on, but she wants me to talk about it earlier. I think this is fine for the thesis, as it gets covered in study 2. BUT in a publication, all I can see is people questionning why the hell it has been discussed. So confused. I'm going to go over some of my previous writing and see if I can get inspiration!
I'm trying to do my 1 thing today, but just ending super annoyed with sup. Basically she has decided to re-angle my PhD so it comes from a different perspective. I was introducing this perspective later on, but not at the beginning. It has basically meant that I should have measured some stuff which I haven't - if she had just bothered to read just some of my writing 2 years ago I wouldn't be in this mess. I feel like I am having to blag it and write around the fact I haven't measured this data - this is the kind of thing I didn't want to be doing as I think these kind of weaknesses will be ripped apart by examiners! Hmph.
That is really annoying sneaks. I suppose one of the (rare) advantages to not collecting data for me. Perhaps give it a little break when you get really annoyed at it or write it a nasty letter :)
Problem is she has given me a deadline of monday to re-write the whole thing and I'm sooo confused. She's not available for any meetings either :-( feeling uber stressed about the whole thing. Problem is she never listens to anything I say, she hears the first bit and runs with it and ignores anything else. Then 6 months later it comes back to bite me. To my worry that I haven't actually tested the theory she wants me to talk about her reply is "you don't have to test everything" - but why talk about a theory in depth and then say "but we haven't tested that theory". aaaargh.
