Helen_G, I can identify with you completely. The feeling at a complete loss, work at a standstill and the perception of a general lack of progress. I, too, have a lot of dark thoughts doing my PhD and somtimes wish I was as far away from it and the commitments as possible. I also drink more than I should in a fruitless effort to just try and cope and manage. I worry about a future and being happy and see all my friends happily settled down and in careers, just enjoying life. I can't sleep either. As for your panic attacks? I have those too. My chest can feel tense, I get palpitations and it sometimes feel hard to even breathe at times. And then trying to get to sleep - that's a nightmare! My heart starts to race, I can feel pulses pounding in my ears and I just have to sit up - it's very weird.

The advice you have been given is gold - I can't add to it and I can't even seem to follow it. I do think you need to see a doctor about this because I think you could benefit from an axiolytic, just something to help you recharge your batteries. And you need to get some kind of work balance. As was helpfully pointed out below, you have to be kind to yourself. There's only so many hours you can work and there's only so much you can take. I know it's a cliche, but it is a marathon and there has to be pace. I know you've only got around 3 months left to submit and I gather you are behind somewhat (so am I, really), but I think you should look at extending your deadline. With the way you feel now and the amount I perceive you need to cover in 3 months, it could be too much.

I think you should talk to your sups. Are they aware of your situation and how you feel? Something my supervisor says (and she must think I'm such a melodramatic bitch with the amount I moan and complain about my work and stress to her) is that a supervisor has to wear many hats because a PhD is not just another qualification, it's someone's life for several years. A good supervisor isn't just interested in the development of your work; they're interested in the development of you. Life throws all kinds of crap at a lot of PhD students that can knock us down, but then we get back up again. Like a Staffordshire bull terrier, we're a tenacious breed and we don't let go. You obviously care a great deal about your work (look what it does to you and what it does to me and others) and you deserve your PhD. You just need some help and support to get there, like everyone, like me.

You will get your PhD and you'll look back on this as just how strong you are as a person and you'll realise just how far you've come. Take care.

Hi there

Just in purely practical terms, a good way of dealing with procrastination is to work in short timed bursts with rewards in between. A really simple and well-used way of doing it is outlined here: http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/

There's even a short free e-book on it to download. You don't need the whole 'kit', just download one of the many timers available online. Then you can work in 25-min bursts with little breaks in between and just aim to accomplish a few of those per day, say 3 or 5 or whatever (or if you're feeling really barmy at the mo, just go for 1!). I find it takes the rumination out of procrastination :-) (up)

I suffered from anxiety during my undergrad degree, and panic attacks, sometimes so bad I couldn't go to lectures, or had to run outside half-way through. So I do sympathise and know how awful it feels. I wouldn't worry that a doctor will pressure you to take medication if you don't want to - they might suggest it, but if you say you'd rather try other therapies first, I would be very surprised if they weren't supportive of that. Things like anxiety and panic can be dealt with quite well by talking things through with a counsellor, and learning some relaxation/breathing techniques (they really do work).

Can you also talk to your supervisor - not necessarily going into the anxiety problems, but about your work; you say you're convinced you'll fail when you do submit - a good supervisor should be able to tell you whether that's a realistic fear or not, and if it is, what you need to do to get your work up to standard. It sounds though like your work is probably fine, it's just the anxiety undermining your confidence.

Helen - just to let you know you're not alone. i also suffer from anxiety but seem to be doing well so far in controlling it. like now i have just been sitting for hours doing all sorts of other things other than get on with the simple task of starting today's work. i find that i struggle to start, but eventually when i do start working on something, my anxiety levels fall.

i haven't read all the posts - as am afraid i could be procrastinating :-), which is another thing that fuels my anxiety, but i will share a method i have come up with that's working for me.

1) put it all in perspective. you're more important than this phd. so your health should come first. try caring less, for the sake of your health. do other things for a while. an extension or suspending the clock even for a few months will be enough. during this time try to figure out how you work best. don't just go on holiday because the problem will still be there waiting for you. take it easy, do the things you enjoy but slowly ease yourself back in.

2) an example. after taking a few weeks off during Christmas i almost had a panic attack just thinking about the thesis. now i have decided to ease myself back in. some days i only work for 20 mins and thats enough. when you do a little of it, you feel less anxious.

3) now the method: break whole thesis into tasks. what you have done (yes, you have done something) and what you need to do. quit perfecting what is done. you will come back to that when you get a draft. concentrate on what has not been done. break it down into small 20 mins tasks. e.g. task i)now am going to write a draft of the introduction. (it doesn't have to be perfect!) avoid open ended statements like now am going to work on my thesis. those will overwhelm you. then take a break during which you're going to do something finite. eg. come on this forum for 10 mins. be careful that the breaks are not too long. task ii) now am going to list the similarities between these two concepts. task iii) now am going to say what their differences are. task iv) i'll read through this paper and just note whats interesting about it. task v) i'll read through this paper and see if its any good. (you're putting yourself in control here. acknowledging that you actually know something and can tell whether a paper is good! and that's the truth.) etc etc.

4) determine to do at least a task a day. forget about word count. you will revisit this when you get the draft. don't worry about getting the phd, you will get it if you can complete these small tasks.

5) love yourself. let it be all about you. not all about the phd. and you will be in control. don't do it if its too stressful just work the 20 mins and don't allow anyone or anything to make you feel guilty. you will find that in a while you will be able to work for hours following this method.

6) think positive. come up with a mantra for each time when you think of something negative. smile and say, 'I can do this. am doing so well anyway.' and block the thoughts. respond to them. don't react to them. (find a mantra that works for you)

hope that helps.

J.

Hi again all, I am feeling so much better today, it feels like a miracle. I have managed to get some decent sleep and I've not had a panic attack for at least 48 hours - so yay for that!!

Just wanted to reply to some of the people who have posted with advice in the last few hours and very helpful suggestions:

NT, and a few others who have suggested I try for an extension or go off program - unfortunately I have used up all my time and I've been told there will be no more extensions. I can't blame them really. I have been on and off program and part time and taking extensions etc throughout the whole messy thing and it is just simply crunch time now. NT, you suggested asking for extra supervisors - I originally had 3, but one became very ill and has retired, while the other is basically never around (she flies from conference to conference and is no longer a teaching academic - purely research). The other issue I have is that my thesis topic is so niche that the supervisors I do have don't really have technical knowledge in the area - they were the closest I could find in Australia, though! My main supervisor has been highly supportive though, so I feel lucky there - I have heard horror stories!

It's awesome to see another Australian on here - good luck to you too and I will definitely keep you updated!

Walminskipeas and Ephiny - thanks for the support. :-) It's not exactly *nice* to hear that someone else has had some very bleak times doing their PhD but it does make me feel less alone and less of a freak.

Ogriv and Jojo - I tried the Pomodoro technique this morning on my work and it REALLY helped. Jojo suggested something similar with breaking things into tasks and while I've tried to do that in the past, I think you are right - thinking about the whole thesis has been causing a lot of my problems, because it is SO BIG. The 25 minute technique is really doable and I got through a lot more work today than I thought I would.

I am over 72K words now and I have all the research done - it's a matter of writing up. I am freaking out also because my supervisor needs the full draft by mid to late Jan to give him time to read it and report back to me. But I am feeling like it is not an impossible task now. I can write 2-3 thousand words a day - on a GOOD day - so I just need to get some calming and working techniques down.

You have all been so supportive and helpful - thank you so much! :-)

helen! I am in a similar stage to you - have to hand in in March and need to send a copy to my sups in mid to late Jan so that they can comment in time. If you fancy a writing partner or motivational daily message or check in to help you along, I would like that. Bets of luck! We can do it! 8 weeks for the win! :)

(and I have dreamed that if I died I would not need to complete it too!):$

Hi Helen

I'm another Aussie, and am around a lot - so can keep you company too, altho am not doing my thesis during the day for the next few weeks as am working elsewhere. It's harder when everyone else is asleep and it's just us!

Haven't posted with advice earlier as everyone has made really good suggestions. If you're doing 2000-3000 words a day, that's fantastic. You'll get there. Don't worry if you can't keep up that pace. I find I can do one day like that, then am quite zonked the next day and much less productive. I'm also in the writing up stage and know how hard it is.

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Good luck with it!