The One Goal Thread
Well I've had a nice weekend off. The conference was pretty stressful. Not only did I have my sup telling me that I will pretty much fail any job interviews (although "I'm very good"), I also had her tell me I can't talk about ANY of the work I've done with her (apart from my PhD) because its confidential - I can't even mention it. So my upcoming interview is going to be along the lines of
Interviewer: so can you tell me about project X
Me: no comment
:-(
Feeling rather down about the whole thing and starting to get pretty stressed at the lack of jobs out there.
Anyway, today's goals are.....
1) write a list of all the things I need to 'revise' for the interview
2) re-read started lit review on paper and plan out what to write
3) start writing the bits in the lit review
Ouch, Sneaks, that doesn't sound very helpful! And the thing about failing any interview sounds completely untrue anyway! Everyone suffers a little bit from nerves, if that's what she's thinking of - and you're doing a PhD, you've obviously got things to to offer! Good luck with the preparations anyway...
My draft upgrade paper is due in tomorrow. I was up early this morning so I've already done the introduction and some other small bits and pieces. Next to do is the section I've been putting off because I don't know how to write it - now I've run out of excuses! But once that's done it's just adding diagrams, checking references, editing it down (it's way too long) so I'm feeling on top of things! What a relief - I've worked flat-out on this and it looks like I'll be done in plenty of time!
Next goal - write the difficult section I've been putting off. But maybe a shower and getting dressed first!
I'm actually cold for the first time in weeks - just gone to get a jumper!
She's saying I'm under confident and don't sell myself, but realistically she's never seen me in those types of situation. She intimidates me and I feel like I have to act quite meek around her - and yes I'm not someone who naturally boasts about themselves, but in the situations that count I definitely can promote myself. I have an incling that she doesn't want me to get the job. She keeps on saying "I might be able to find you some work, not much but would keep you going...." - but Ican't go on "mights" and "some work" - I need a specific figure of £££. I have a mortgage to pay! All very tricky and quite stressful.
Anyway, goal 1 done, goal 2 in action!
I'm always completely different in interview situations too - there's something about their set-up that makes it much easier to sell myself I think. And if she doesn't understand that that's how it works for a lot of people then she's a bit of an idiot, IMHO! But I've met a few forceful people over the years who just don't seem to grasp that it's possible to behave differently in different situations - maybe because they've always just bulldozed their way to what they want. Doesn't mean they're right!
Oh dear Sneaks! But maybe something taking less concentration is the way to ease yourself back into it.
Difficult section I'd been leaving is now done. Yay! It's fairly rubbish, but then, that's why I need feedback from my supervisors!
Next goal: a nice easy task: draw up four diagrams of theories/models. I already have the diagrams, but they're all done with different fonts and different thicknesses of line so it's just a neatening-up job really. A reward for getting through the difficult section!
