I know exactly what you mean, I think it became a full on dream of mine at the end of the first year UG when I realised that there was the potential for funding - we could never self fund (3 children, house, low income hubby etc) but then its been a driving force for me ever since.
I'm currently pondering - as the scholarship I've been awarded if the AHRC doesn't come off will pay my fees, burning the midnight oil for a year and working p/t at the uni in some way to make some cash and then hoping to get a GTA position in the second year.
Don't worry about the reserve list - often those on it get their fees paid. I know last year, as I got AHRC for the MA my was immediately transferred to a Phd girl that had just been rejected so that she could continue. Its the same with the scholarship I've been offered, if I get AHRC then that will be given to another student on the list so stay hopeful - even if this doesn't happen then the chances are that you may still get uni help

I'm really hoping that could be the case, but also trying to reamin fairly pessimistic: it's harder to be disappointed if you're a pessimist! I'm also quite aware that I'm really prioritising my vocation to the academia by considering using savings on it and so on, when I have a boyfriend who wants to get married and have children (all very expensive stuff!) so I feel I'm almost obliged to have some sort of back up plan. On the other hand it's so difficult when you can't imagine doing anything else...

Error404, please don't let the "rejection" (I don't like to use that word, it's just really devaluing) be some sort of indication of your academic ability. The fact is, and this comes up again and again, that there just isn't enough funding for Arts and Humanities. We're lucky enough to have the AHRC as a source of funding, but unfortunately, it's so so competitive.

With regards to funding if my application is unsuccessful, my parents will help with tuition feeds, and I will be going part time at my current job, which should be able to cover the living costs. Luckily it will only be a year...but PhD, that's another story =(

fees*

why can't we edit posts

I rather like the idea of tuition feeds...

He he, tuition feeds - what is closer to a student's heart??

Yep error, this is NOTHING to do with your academic ability - simply that the competition is crazy, there are less awards available this year, and also that so much rests on whether the panel considers your topic to be 'sexy' or not this year! All of us who get to this stage are of equal academic ability - we've all got much the same results, its just incredibly unfair

I am the queen of pessimism, sometimes better not to hope and be disappointed - my tutor has a go at me continually for it

You're right. One of my best friends is one of the most talented young academics I know, lectureship in his second year of PhD, no corrections on the thesis, senior lecturer at 30, etc, yet he didn't get funding for his PhD. Although at first I thought when he told me that if he didn't I had no hope, I now realise that it just goes to show that it really doesn't reflect how good you are, just if you tick that year's boxes. And it's certainly an inspiration to go for it (if you possibly can financially) regardless.

Hey. Yeah. Thanks for the reassurance. I know we all have similar stats. Just can't believe I went down in the grades, esp. since I was told having the dist. would help this year - clearly, it didn't!!

Plus I don't want to deal with my friend telling me she got it, as if anyone does, it will prob. be her. I'll be happy for her, but still feel annoyed at the process, you know.

Error, its always gutting and its really hard to smile and congratulate when you've just been kicked in the face I know its no consolation, but if she knows you've been rejected she'll feel awful telling you - I had the same last year, I just didn't want to say, I was almost embarrassed as a friend who continually got high marks, many a point or two higher than myself was rejected (also hate that word)
The grade thing is just so odd - it doesn't reflect you though, it reflects more their view on what they want researching. You tick every single box, you just have a different interest to them - I think this also reflects the problems this year with the cut in funding

The rejection letter said that 3300 people applied, and 30% were funded.

Said friend is quite competetive with others: I really dislike competition at phd level since we all have our own areas and it is chalk and cheese. I'd say there is a reasonable chance she will get it, as she has the better marks than anybody else applying.

I think I'll take a break from work stuff this weekend, do something I like, and hopefully come back a bit more focused on Monday.

I don't think not getting the AHRC is detrimental to an academic career though, as presumably, the ratio of funded people to non-funded people is low.

This year, I had my sup. confident of my getting a grade 3 or 2, at least. It's one thing to get a rejection, another to be told you have become worse!

I wish the process was more transparent, but then, don't we all. I really feel for those who don't get funding and run out of options. It's a great shame.

Thanks for letting us know that. I'm very surprised the figures are so high: I know in % funded that's about the same as before but I thought the stats from last year only listed 2200 applicants?

That is interesting to know - thanks - so that's 990 nice fat letters on their way....

The lack of transparency is extremely frustrating - there is a need for some kind of feedback, which I'm sure would not be difficult, the panel readers must make some kind of notes as to their feelings on a particular application for the purposes of consideration?

Tomorrow might be a big day for post - I'm guessing these letters won't go first class, purely to keep the costs of the AHRC down. Things always tend to arrive on a Saturday up in Scotland. I'm sorry to hear there are rejections already.

Everything crossed for you! I don't know about anyone else but I find as the month progresses I suffer from repetitive stress A feeling of nausea and total arrrgghhhh ness (is that a word??) on hearing the letter box, a wave of relief to find no AHRC letter, followed by disappointment, calm for most of the day, then the anxiety grows again come the evening knowing that its all going to come to a head again in a few hours.
Can someone tell me why we do this to ourselves?