Don't expect an answer (other than this). Firstly, this is a UK based forum. Secondly, you're asking for information that you should be able to find yourself via any Search Engine.

Anyone with a pulse progresses up the ladder quickly in teaching.

LOTS written about this in the past. Search the forum.

I agree completely. I know of at least one who did exactly the same. He was similar to the above. Academically very gifted/bright with a 1st class from a top Uni.

Ring a few Universities and ask 'Course Enquiries'.

Its pedominantly a UK based forum. I would suggest you try a search engine re finding a US based forum. That said someone did mention one (in the past) on here. Search back through the posts.

There's been a fair bit written about suchlike in the forum previously. Read back through those posts.

NO. Why do you think this forum is called FindaPhd? Take a wild guess.

One of my old Uni's (UCLan) requires a 2.1, or a 2.2 and considerable relevant work experience. With one of the better Universities (Lancaster/York, etc.) there will be no possibility whatsoever of getting in with a 3rd.

There are no such things as Polytechnics any more. I think Very Poor means one of the lesser universities (University of Bolton and the like). In the end all you can do is enquire. The monies that you'd have to pay as an Intl. student may influence them somewhat.

Getting better VFM out of my working time.

You've got limited options. Depends where you want to go and how much money you have. Some of the newer (and lesser) Universities may take you, if they can't fill a course. Or you could go away and get a few years (relevant) work experience, and then apply to somewhere better. If you do intend to apply in the UK, you'll have to pass an English competency test also.

You start by searching Google.

There was a chap at an old Uni of mine that had 5 undergrad degrees and 2 masters. I can personally think of better hobbies to pass time.

Aren't we getting a lot of SCAMMERS and SPAMMERS at present.