Quote From keenbean:
Hi Rebel! I have suffered from bipolar disorder for about the last 10 years, although the depression has always been more severe than the mania for me. It has played havoc with my life- I dropped out of uni three times in my undergrad years, had lots of long-term hospital admissions, and no end of drug treatments and electroconvulsive therapy. Depression is a nightmare, and it is also very hard for people who have never expereinced depression to understand what it is like- I have often had to deal with people who think that depression is just about 'feeling a bit down'. However, over the last 4 years I have been much better. I got a first in my BSc, a distinction in my MSc, and won a scholarship to fund my PhD- I am now in second year. Learning how to deal with depression is hard work and a bit trial and error. It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. Our uni counselling service is fantastic- I have been seeing them for 6 years and credit them with my progress through university. So definitely stick with that one. It isn't for everyone but it can be a really good source of support for a lot of people. Exercise is also great- I exercise almost every day of the week- but be careful that you choose something fun so it doesn't become a chore. I also found that something non-competitive is a good idea, it makes me feel even worse if I perform badly at something! Since I broke my foot 5 weeks ago (and thus can't exercise) I have had to go on extra medication for my mood, which just goes to show how important exercise is for keeping your mood healthy. As for supervisors- I have been extremely honest with mine, and they have been nothing but supportive. They cannot be understanding if they don't know what is happening, and I sat down and had a very frank discussion with my supervisor near the beginning of my PhD, so she knows what to do if I become ill- how to help and what I can or can't manage when I'm not well. The only thing she asked of me was that I kept her up to date if things started to go downhill so that she knew what was happening and could respond accordingly. So I think it's really important to try to be honest with your supervisor, or at least speak to your chairperson or someone at the university so that they are aware that you might have difficulties from time to time. I have been pleasantly surprised at how understanding people have been, and have never regretted telling my supervisors (and other colleagues) about my illness. I guess the other thing is to see your doctor if you are really struggling. Even if you don't want to take medication they might be able to refer you to someone else for help, perhaps a CPN or something for support. Try not to stress too much about your work and tackle your mood first- and if you are really struggling to get your work done, maybe get on with the boring but straightforward things first- literature searching, photocopying, writing reference lists etc. At least that way you can see that something is getting done! Hope you start feeling better soon. You will get through it and do your PhD. I have even found that my own experiences of mental ill health have been extremely valuable in working with my research participants, so you might even be able to find some positive in all this at another time. Best wishes, take care. KB
woah! wall of text :-(
