am smiling through my discussion chapter. love it! has to be the best chapter of the thesis. :-) who would have thought? cup of tea then back to it. sigh.

clocking in for the day.. had a moment of feeling unwell.. but feeling better now after taking a walk.

@Algaequeen - am up working... but off to bed now... sounds like you had a great time. always nice! just a quick note to say all the best tonight. am going to bed now. hoping for an early morning which frankly speaking would be a miracle. am absolutely not a morning person! but need to be if am to get this thing out of the way in the next two days or so as am not able to work productively for 6 consecutive hours like i used to due to low energy levels. can only do short bursts at a time.. keep going! you'll get there! goodnight!

I'm so proud of myself! I managed to finish proofreading Ch.5 which I did twice to make sure I didn't mess things up when I was working on it and quite unwell.

I'm not well yet, but at least I can now follow what am saying which I couldn't do before- so am getting better! fruits and soups are finally working!

Another reason am proud of myself for completing ch.5 is that i had to compose 2 paragraphs amplifying my findings: i panicked at the thought of it - not being well and all and possibly messing things up -but eventually decided to get on with it and yes, I did it! that was the final correction done and dusted!

Tomorrow I plan to take it easy and proofread chs. 6 & 7. absolutely no corrections in this. just a case of checking my formating. extras i plan to do are revisit ch.2 and check if anything needs defining. then begin counterchecking references with bibliography. yay! am happy with how its all going.

i pray and hope am well tomorrow. off to bed now!

didn't manage anything yesterday evening.

today has been more hopeful. though an attempt to work on the thesis prooved unsuccessful as it requires so much energy, i have managed to countercheck the footnotes of ch.1 and complete the incomplete ones whilst updating bibliography. i finally feel like am making progress!

i think i will concentrate on this til sunday and then revisit the last two chapters (5 & 6) on monday. that should lift moral. if am my usual self, i should be done with them that same day and be able to submit.

i pray and hope am better then! (you don't realise the value of health until its gone..... )

thanks. i'll get some of the ones you've suggested and see how it goes. so far so good. almost done with ch.5. proofread 8 pages and got tired. getting back to it later tonight.

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@Bug - bearing in mind that English is not my first or only language, I do not have the range of vocabulary you have just listed to express what I call pity. to me all those words express the same thing. by pity i mean 'feel sorry for.'

re intellect - if someone has never shown interest or expressly said so, i think its dumb to assume that they would want anything on that level with you. that's why i feel insulted. if i was interested i would obviously know how to communicate that. which is why i feel accused almost by the statement that i was infact interested.

re what's wrong with him: you need to meet him to appreciate what's wrong with him. another question i find quite odd is ' why would you never like him?' there are choices in this matter you know. to me it hasn't come to the point where everyone makes it to my list. not yet and hopefully never. i have standards.

@Algaequeen - what type of soup do you usually have? Mr. Bucks brought some tins of soup but each time I look at them in the cupboard am filled with dread. I'm yet to come across any good canned food.

back to it today. couldn't get anything done yesterday. i did a few references and then gave up due to exhaustion! i feel stronger today after taking vitamins and fruits, trying to eat healthy, getting some rest and taking lots of fluids. hope that translates to work done. back to chapter 5 again. fingers crossed!

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@wanderingsage - thanks for sharing. sorry about what you went through. i think you just hit the nail in the head. he's one very unhappy person which is one of his most unattractive qualities.

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Mr. Bucks has texted again and am not about to reply.

Bug - am trying but... i feel he insults my intellect by thinking i could remotely like him. true - am not his friend. i just pity him and because of that am friendly. i should stop!

thanks Algaequeen - i appreciate the encouragement. am doing referencing which shouldn't be too much i hope. Just shortening them to reduce the number of words in my thesis.

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@DanB - NO and that would NEVER happen. am totally NOT attracted to him even on the most remote level. I even avoid hugs after finding out that he seems to derive some pleasure off them. I just say hi or wave!

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cont... After yesterday's experience, I resolved to take Mr. Bucks off my contacts list because I do not want to be part of whatever his problem is. He has since sent 2 texts enquiring on my health which I have been ignored as I do not want to sustain any kind of friendship with a weirdo! has someone experienced this?

Now that am unable to be productive thesis-wise thought I'd share an exotic experience i had yesterday. So, like i've said on my writing-up diary, i've been rather unwell. Given am also writing-up and my PhD experience has been a rollercoster i never want to take again, one of the decisions i made along the way was to seclude myself from humanity to concentrate on rescuing my PhD, as well as avoid relationships. Most of my 'friends' have either moved on or learnt to live with this state of affairs. So, yesterday am sat in my house when a friend shows up with a bag of groceries. Relations with this friend have been rather odd as he's showed an interest in me before but I've brushed him off because i'm not remotely attracted to him, but somehow we find ourselves in the same circles during weekends.

This guy, lets call him er.. Mr. Bucks ( since am having a starbucks right now!) starts the visit off by display all the stuff he's bought. I'm stunned and in my mind I calculate that to be about 30 pounds worth of groceries and offer to pay him off which he says no to. Being the broke phd student I am, I don't mind at all. My mind then moves to working out why someone whose car broke down a while back would make such an effort to walk in the rain, shop and come to see me, when we hardly have a decent connection even on a friendship level. Conversation carries on and soon it comes to the crunch. He says, Jojo I've been wondering where we're at in our relationship.... (am totally thrown! wasn't aware I was in a relationship!). I ask, ' What do you mean?'

Mr. Bucks: Oh, I just need to be sure where we are. Are we even friends?
Me: Ofcourse, what would you be doing in my house if you weren't my friend?
Mr. Bucks: You've been giving me mixed signals.
Me: Like what.. and when?
Mr. Bucks: I can't explain, I just got the impression that YOU thought we were more. (am thinking - What?!)
Me: Mr. Bucks, I don't know what gave you that impression but it has never been my intention for us to be more than friends.
Mr. Bucks: Well, I just want you to be clear on that.
Me: Besides, am currently not on the dating page and if I was I'd look for someone (I described everything Mr. Bucks wasn't.)
Mr. Bucks: (looking pensive) Well... I just wanted us to be clear on this. ( I intentionally play down this conversation and the visit takes one more hour.)

How can you be totally unattracted and disinterested in someone and they work themselves into a state of thinking you are in a relationship with them just because you accommodate them on a friendship level? Or did I just meet a weirdo? I'm actually very concerned for myself. Mr Bucks is known to have a confidence crisis and anxiety issues which have resulted in him resigning from a well paying job to doing admin. He also admited having difficulties sustaining relations with people. I have met 2 people now in the last few months who struggle with being relational. is this is a common phenomenon?