To Apollo:

>And quite frankly, I think you are depressed because of your non->existant sex life.

I admit that I'm depressed, but not because of this reason. I just can't get over the idea that my dream girl, my theoretical ideal that showed up so unexpectedly, the only one I've ever fallen in and cried for in my whole life, will be marrying someone else in 3 years time. It's like, if I ever end up with someone else, that one will not have my whole heart because a splinter from it will remain forever in posession of that angelical girl. The problem is that she can't give it back to me something which she never asked for. It seems so unfair.

To DJWicked:

Yeah, this thread is real wicked. So much that it has the most visits in the forum. Perhaps we could ask for a share from the sponsor's ads or something.

From what I've read, SPD cannot be cured, but it is by no means a mental illness or something like that, and is not life threatening or dangerous for the person or the people around him. In fact is just the extreme case of the introvert person that is so common everywhere. In my case, I don't think I could be picked out very easily--at least not in Oxbridge, where I feel so comfortable and at home, because in my home country I do stand out a lot--for my behaviour, and because I've learnt to mimick some useful skills like being charming, listening patiently to people, and winning over their trust--mainly for interviews for my PhD research. However, I know deep inside that it's all a lie and therefore it would be very difficult to have a long-term relationship with someone too normal, hence the "high" (or weird) standards I've set for my potential life partner, like the courtship thing and stuff.

To H:

From what I've read, SPD people do not really look for other people as we're natural loners of the Eleanor Rigby type. I always suspected I had some sort of personality disorder, but was happy with my lifestyle. Until I met that girl who inadvertently "pulled the rug under my feet" and has left me so unsettled--she sincerely apologized for that because she never meant to do it. That was not supposed to happen, and now I'm looking for a rational way out of it and back to my old SPD ways. I think it would have been better never to have met her.

Seriously guys, believe it or not. This thread is being really helpful because I think you've helped me diagnose a personality disorder I was not aware of. It is called "Schizoid personality disorder" (SPD) and is characterized by:

-Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affectivity.
-Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
-Consistent preference for solitary activities.
-Very few (if any) close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such.
-Indifference to either praise or criticism.
-Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
-Indifference to social norms and conventions.
-Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.
-Lack of desire for sexual experiences with another person.

In your words, a weirdo. BTW, believe me, there's a bunch of us (plus Aspergers) doing PhDs at Oxbridge.

To sylvester:

Two questions (to which I think I know the answers).
1)Have you ever had a girlfiend?
NO
2)How do you reconcile casting judgments on those who are in relationships when you yourself have no experience other than your scientific theories read from books? (rather like someone who sits in the stands watching and decides how football should be played without ever having kicked a ball in their life).

I consider myself to be an observer rather than a participant in the world around me, that's why I do a PhD in management rather than being a manager at a firm--I tried and it was too stressful for me. I love to theorise, but I like others to implement theories.

That was not falling in love. That was falling in sex. Yuck!

Ok, I think this thread has served its purpose because it helped me realise how important sex is for 99% of you PhDs. I would have thought that because you were intellectuals, Aldous Huxley's quote would apply "An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex". I think I've found a more appropriate audience for the courtship thing at http://www.asexuality.org

Yes, I did a lot of work to get a distinction at the LSE. Like, working 9 to 23 every day for 6 months, reading all the stuff plus extra papers and write lots of practice essays to be ready for the exams in April-May. Oh, yeah, and work hard on data collection and writing a nice dissertation.

You guys managed to twist this thread in the wrong direction.

To ULUG:

Yeah, you'd be surprised to see that most Oxbridge people are weirdos like myself. If you want to see normal people, don't come to Oxbridge.

Oh yeah, and my own mom already told me I was going to be a very lonely man, so I'm used to that discourse. Perhaps she and Piglet are right, but I think ase*ual courtship with a top-notch Oxbridge girl is the right way for me.

BTW, I am NOT a Christian (I'm atheist), I'm NOT pedophilic, and I'm NOT homophobic. However, if I had the choice to be gay or have a gay son, I wouldn't certainly go for it. Nevertheless, I would defend a gay man's right not to be discriminated against in any avenue of life. I remember during an undergrad class I was given the task of defending the argument of gays adopting children and I managed not to lose the debate.

To Piglet:

Actually, I like to think of a future wife as a sister during the courtship and as a mother after the wedding. Unfortunately, she would have to be up to the aforementioned standards to be on par with me, otherwise, it's not gonna work at all. I suppose I could make minor concesions like master's level instead of PhD or any other reputable university and not necessarily Oxbridge, or a bit older and not trilingual, but that's about it. On the other hand, I'm just toying with the idea of ase*uality that someone raised earlier in the thread. Perhaps that's what I really am and what I'm after and not a Christian NSBM.

But male gays scare me even worse. I can't stand them. I remember one guy I was developing a friendship with and then I realised he was kinda gayish. Yuck! Perhaps I'm just freaking out, but the idea of the courtship during the PhD is really nice because it would be like having a really close and superbright female friend, like a relative or something, and then spending your life with her.

To H:

>I think you are scared of women. I think it's something you need to
>overcome before you can have a proper relationship with anyone.

I guess you're right too. Actually, I liked that girl best when she dressed and behaved like a young girl and not as a woman--I was shocked to realise she could look and act like a woman. To be honest, I decided to start the friendship because she looked very childish, naive and unthreatening--she is to a great extent--never to suspect I would fall for these very characteristics. What I don't like from "women" is that I suspect they want to mate. That sucks! That's why the courtship thing makes so much sense to me.