1.5 years into my PhD at Oxbridge and having done my MSc at the LSE, my advice is: do not come to Oxbridge, stay in London!

Back to the original topic, after reading "I kissed dating goodbye" by US Author Joshua Harris, I'm convinced that the PhD is not compatible with starting a courtship, simply because of the strong commitment required on both fronts. My advice would be to make lots of friends during the PhD, get the degree, settle down -tenure track position, industry or whatever- and then start courting one of your best friends from the PhD if they're locally available. Two years is the recommended time for courtship. I only hope the courtship of my dream girl doesn't go awry after 7 years.

As for British society, being a foreigner I completely love it in spite of all its weirdness. I consider an example of a mature, open society that you cannot see, let's say, in the US. Being able to follow NSBM and being respected for it is, for instance, a wonderful example of the absolute freedom available here. As for British women, I consider them among the most beautiful I've ever seen. I wouldn't, however, consider any of them as a potential virtuous wife.

Yeah. Unfortunately, sleeping around is the unquestioned paradigm of modern society, therefore I think our role as PhD "thinking" students is to question, from a completely secular perspective, whether such a practice has brought any benefits to society as a whole. I think not. "Try before you buy", that's a rubbish approach.

I guess I could start the "Graduate NSBM Society" at my university. That would be really cool.

Therefore, I sincerely wish my dream girl marries her bf in the US upon finishing the PhD and that they live happily ever after. It would break my heart to know otherwise.

In the meantime, I should be glad to know that if the "22 yo-Oxbridge PhD student-NSBM-talented cook-family oriented-trilingual girl" class exists (using OO language), in theory, more "instances" should be out there. Unfortunately, I guess most of them are to be found in religious congregations like Christians, Muslims, and the like, and very unlikely somewhere else. It's a tradeoff I suppose.

Having said that, I think modern libido-led relationships are starting the opposite (easy) way, ie, start with s*x, then everything else is overshadowed by it, making up the illusion of "happiness" and "being in love". That sucks.

Back to the original point, I think starting a courtship during the PhD is not good given the short time and the away-from-home factor. And then, when the couple finish their PhDs, it'll be really hard to find academic positions at the same place for both in order to realise the marriage thing. It's just not gonna work.

Yeah, NSBM is a personal preference, nothing more to add.

I think comparing women to cars is not a good analogy, but a disrespectful one. Would you compare your own mother or sister to a vehicle?

I'm an atheist and I stongly oppose religions, however I think there are many principles of behaviour and happy living that are beautifully expressed by religion. The NSBM is one of them. I mean, what percentage of married life is spent having s*x? 1%? 5%? And what percentage doing something else, like having a conversation, doing home chores, looking after the kids, etc? 50%? More?

To SixKittens:

Like, is the combination NSBM + Oxbridge PhD student profile possible? I think I found a very rare exception, didn't I?

Yeah, this is quite a bizarre thread. Just like PhD people ourselves :)

To SixKittens:

Actually, she told me she suspected my feelings long before I told her and she apologised for not having taken the steps to prevent it. However, she agreed to remain friends as long as we never met up on a one-to-one basis ever again (just like she does with her bf). As for the pouncing issue, like, what does "pouncing" mean? Sounds kinda violent and I would never ever do that to her, even if she wanted me to.

To H:

I guess you're right. I'll remain a Radha for her.

No way BurgerKing! I'd rather remain single for ever than looking for people on the Internet.

To SixKitten (continuation):

Actually, I joined the University Christian Society when I started the PhD, although never intending to get a girl, but the lots of delicious free food they offered at their alcohol-free parties . However, I kept on going because I met such nice, well-behaved and intelligent people who believed in Christ and all that stuff. And then I met that young girl who stole my heart and brain. I mean, I completely accept the behaviour rules of Christians --because I've always practiced them myself--but I can't buy the part of Jesus Christ, the Bible and all these things (as a PhD student, I'm a natural sceptic of totalising theories). However, I would if that means marrying that girl--and I was the fiercest critic of marriage. I mean, Christianity it's not as "far-fetched" as Islam or Judaism, is it?

To SixKitten:

You wrote:

>a) if she knows that you're interested, then I'd rule out courting >her because she's obviously not that into you

I'm afraid I didn't get your point, especially the "not that into you part". Can you please elaborate? And, like, what is the alternative to courting her? I can only think of remaining a friend and waiting to see if she ever breaks up with her bf and only then making my move.

You wrote:

>b) you don't have to be Christian to believe in certain rules of >courtship (such as NSBM) and different Christians will have >different views of what they believe correct courtship to be.

You're right. Muslims too believe in NSBM (to quote an example). So do I. But I would never consider converting to Islam in order to get a girl. I mean, that would be far too extreme and dangerous given ther current world situation.

People get married at an older age these days, don't rush. Your children will be happier to have a PhD dad who'll have a lot to teach them.