anyone working tonight?

======= Date Modified 22 Oct 2008 19:31:59 =======
lol Ruby. yah i have to turn away most of the time when he eats or drinks the stuff he does. yuk. but he is hot ! i have a strange crush on him :-).

that show by harry hill is funny! i've caught it a few times.

so how was your day ruby, you were at work today right?

Armendaf, today was your last day for work commitments right? i will see you soon for the mega mega mega marathon session we both gotta do this week! i will be with you in spirit.

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update: went to bed at 2.30am last night, was meant to only have a one hour nap, ended up not waking up again till the morning! ooops. oh well never mind, maybe the rest will allow me to work later tonight.

chapter 6 is finished and i sent it to my 3rd sup for final checks.

chapter 4: introduction and results section and appendix data are finished

spent the whole day today making a figure for the results section to finish it off, that my sups were very adament in having in my thesis. i didnt think it would take me the whole day, but its done now. its just a figure to show an example of the quality of the data.

my aims for tonight.
correct discussion section of chapter 4. my sups said it was very repetitive, and told me to take some of the material out and put it in the conclusions chapter. so i am going to be working on that tonight. and told me i'm not building a story. i will try my best to make it as easy to read as possible without jumping back and forth. and to put some of my ideas. but at this late stage, i am scared to add any new thoughts or ideas as it might be wrong, because my sups cant check it. so will just stick with what i've written and what they have seen and corrected.

I feel like a break now though. but before i do, i am going to transcribe the meeting i had with my sups on monday. i've been putting off listening to it, but they made some good points, so i need to hear it and write it down. hopefully hearing it again, wont put me in a zombified "i wanna burn my thesis and quit my phd and i am a fake and dont have any ideas or what the heck my data means" state.

but i've bribed myself. if i transcribe the meeting now, i can take a nice break for dinner. :-)
it's an hour long sound file, so i reckon it will take 2 hours maximum, me hopes!

======= Date Modified 22 Oct 2008 02:30:57 =======
Milkyway good luck with your all nighter, i am going to take a break, as have been glued to my chair since 9.30pm, and my butt is literally hurting!!

so just taking a break and then come back to it. i will keep you company in spirit! its a late night for me too :-s

how are you holding up?

Hi Armendaf! it is really good to hear from you !!! I was just thinking about you when i was writing my message, you and me kiddo! we're in this together! fight till the end.

i totally get what you mean how writing the thesis is SO very hard! i had to restructure my chapter 6, it seemed it wouldnt take too long, but everything takes so much time!

that is a tough break you gotta do that for work, but i'm glad that after tommorow you will be chained to the desk, because i need the company!!
and you're so right, we just gotta submit and then deal with the next step.

battle face indeed!! i have Bear Grylis on in the background.

:-s

Hi Ruby, nice to hear from you. oh i know those days very well, my day was like that too, very slow.
glad to hear you managed to get the text back again. phew!

i am back on the computer, and i really dont have the mindset to put myself to listen to the meeting i had with my sup yesterday, as it will just demoralise me again. so instead i will just get stuck into correcting chapter 4. and once i've done that, then listen to the meeting. most of the stuff they said was very general to be honest, most of the corrections are on my paper and so will get those done first.

my aims for tonight:
chapter 4 corrections: of sections:
intro
results
discussion

Thats weird my message dissapeared.

anyways i'm clocking out for dinner and taking a break for abit. i have finished the discussion section of chapter 6, so chapter 6 is done, hurrah!! i just need to final proof read it and fix formatting and then will email my 3rd sup as he offered to give it another once over.
my sup told me off for having half blank pages. i explained the reason was because i wanted figures to follow the text. but he said that looks really untidy and unprofessional. so there you go. apparently cant have blank areas.

after dinner. i will listen to the meeting i had with my sups yesterday, and write down the key things, and get cracking on chapter 4 corrections. looks like its going to be a lonnggggggggggggggggggg night!

sorry for the boring message.

how is everyone else doing?

======= Date Modified 21 Oct 2008 04:30:19 =======
======= Date Modified 21 Oct 2008 04:28:01 =======
Hi Ruby, thanks so much for your message and you're support you're 100% right! i just gotta get over this last hurdle and tidy it up and just submit the damn thing! lol

Hi Sarah. glad to hear i am not the only one that finds writing really hard! wow good luck with your submission this week. that is great. thanks for your message, and i hear ya! i cant wait for this pain to be over too!!! but then got the viva to worry about which is probably 100x worse than writing a thesis! eeeek
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well i am clocking out for the night. i glued myself to the chair from 8.30pm till now. about 7 hours - i have finally finished the results section of chapter 6. hurrah. i will finish the discussion section tommorow, hopefully will only take a couple of hours - when my mind is all fresh. just gotta do the corrections my sup told me to do, so shouldnt take too long in all honesty. i am going to have a snack and head for bed and start afresh tommorow. i was thinking about whether pushing myself and finishing it, - but i am just too tired right now, best to start afresh tommorow, otherwise tommorow's productivity will be affected.

======= Date Modified 20 Oct 2008 20:28:28 =======
there are LOADS of corrections to do. he even suggested making a new figure, but with the time pressing, not entirely sure if i have time to make it, but i will try. qmul will NOT give me an extension, and i told him, i basically have no choice. i might as well just submit *something* so i dont get terminated and just try at least. he said during the viva the examiners are going to be REALLY brutal considering the thesis is very weak - so he said he will be super brutal on me during viva preps. and told me to think of ideas of what my data means and to really read around the subject, he asked me a question and i didnt know the answer to it. thus proving his point of the lack of knowledge i have, which i already knew to be perfectly honest.

he said my thesis is written rather scatty, which is reflection on how i talk and think, i start discussing one thing, but then talk about something else, and then gets all muddled up and i havent really made a point or anything. i did have an honest conversation with him, and said, could i have done things differently? and he said, not really. and he did admit that i didnt have the best of circumstances when it came to my phd. with a crappy first project, with my first sup, which i then started on another project, that was bad aswell, which left me dispirited for so many years, and i only really started properly in 2004. he said my experimental work is very good. and i produced good data, which alot of people dont even manage to get good experimenal data, and that my data and the model that came out of it , is what my 2nd sup is using to write grants to take the idea further. so that was the one nice positive thing he said.

i then admitted honestly, that what i lack is the thinking part, the analytical part. he said i need to think like a scientist, be able to have great discussions and debates and really know my subject and related subjects. i confessed that maybe i am just not cut out for this line of work, i dont have the personality or the intellect for it. he was being understanding about it.

it was actually quite funny when he read back some of the stuff i wrote and said, especially the very long sentences , i did laugh, and how i kept repeating myself. i was relaxed and took in all the critisism, and wasnt offended at all, what they said was 100% spot on. i agree with them. if i was an examiner, i would fail me too. i would probably say to myself that i am a good research assistant or lab technician, but not an "intellectual" as such.

ideally he said that all my discussions should be placed in chapter 7 and discussed together, but at this very late stage in the game, there is no time for major rewriting and restructuring of my thesis. so will just leave it as it is and delete the repeating paragraphs he has crossed out at least.

he told me that chapter 5 main story is too much focussed on something thats probably not entirely true, but at this very late stage, i dont have time to rewrite an entire chapter and change the story. so if the examiners also dont agree, i will just prepare for that and study up on it and prepare for the viva for that discussion. and discuss in the viva the alternative aspect.

i havent started yet, i keep just sitting here with a blank and fuzzy head. i'm finding it difficult to get started. plaugued with worry on how bad the thesis is. i am going to try and force myself to get started on chapter 6 and maybe that will give me the kick i need.

Thanks so much K and Ruby, you two are absolutely right.
K good luck with your viva!! and Ruby well done on working so late. impressive.

Thanks you both for the words of encouragement and support. you're both absolutely right, there is no point in NOT submitting, i should just take a chance no matter how small it is.
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I had my meeting with my sups this morning. and all the comments were as i expected. they told me at the end of the meeting, that its an okay 1st draft, and that ideally would be better if i had 3 months to make corrections. they said that there is no real discussion of new ideas or what my results mean. and he said i repeat myself ALOT and its very frustrating to read, but told me at this late stage, considering how little time i have, he was being very pragmatic with the corrections, and told me to start of with to deleting all the repeating paragraphs at least.

thanks Ruby, for the message.

but I have to say right now, I completely agree with your statement about "this seems such a deadly boring way to live at the moment....the whole thesis just hangs over my head all the time.... *groan*"

I feel exactly the same way!! i am so deflated and have no confidence in writing a phd thesis. i have just been reading my 2nd sups comments on chapter 4, and she has put so many comments and questions and corrections that i think it would take a week just correcting chapter 4. i'm grateful she went to all that trouble, but it just proves how inadequate i am as a phd student. and she said that i keep repeating the same 3 ideas over and over again in my discussion - but starting from scratch each time and i am not building on it to make a story. she's probably 100% correct. but i just feel right now, i so cant be bothered. and think i just dont have the insight to build on the story my mind is completely drawn to a blank, my mind is just stressed with meeting the deadline, but even without the deadline, i just dont have any insight or new ideas on what the data means to be perfectly honest.

and i really am doubting whether i will be able to get the corrections done in time. i am going to speak to my sup tommorow and see if theres anyway he can apply for an extension on my behalf. considering how many corrections i have to do. right now i just want someone to put me out of my misery and just fail and be done with it! to be honest.

i am so dreading my meeting tommorow. i have definately realised i just dont have the analytical mind and intellect to do a phd. and im not being negative or moany or whatever, this is a true realistic account of my own mind and ability. and im fine with that.

anyways im feeling very fed up right now, but will continue reading the rest of the comments for the chapters and maybe get an early night for the meeting tommorow. part of me, thinks i shouldnt even bother submitting my thesis. its just rubbish. i need to find a career/job thats more suited to me.

erm why has liumeiy's message been a repeat of my message, very strange!! did a double take there for a second!
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i am calling it a night now. i'm clocking out!

my progress for today. i worked from 1pm-3pm, and then had lunch and wasnt feeling well so took a massive nap, then worked from 7.30pm till now around 3.30am.

i have finished the introduction and method section of chapter 6. all rewritten and restructured.

but i am too tired now to continue working and going to head for bed.

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Armendaf, thanks for the message, hope your day was productive and see you tommorow! we just got 2 weeks left of this torture to go!!

Hi Ruby! thanks for your message. aww thanks for worrying about me, and you're right the feedback could have been alot worse and involve alot more work. but due to the time constraint, he was being pragmatic about the corrections.

sorry to hear you are still feeling coldy, i know how you feel. me feeling coldy still too. i think you should take it easy and not to tax yourself too much today.

good luck with chapter 5. and glad to have you around for company! i also want to get chapter 6 done by tommorow aswell. so lets get it done together :-s

my aims for today are:
chapter 6:
rewrite/restructure:
1. introduction
2. methods
3. results
4. discussion.

my first aim: introduction. and then take a break for lunch.

hurrah! i just finished transcribing the phone meeting. it took me 2 and half hours and i typed 7 pages worth of advice and corrections. now its all there in black and white, and tommorow i will rewrite chapter 6 methodically based on those 7 pages of corrections.

i am so glad i transribed the phone meeting tonight, and didnt procrastinate and leave it for tommorow, even though i didnt feel like doing anything tonight. but i feel better - now that i know exactly what corrections i need to do. and it was good to listen to the conversation again, i have it all clear in my head now.

i dont know about you guys, but half of the stuff my sups tell me, i forget and the other half that ive written notes about, doesnt make sense to me lol!

i'm going to record my meeting on monday aswell. my phone has a voice recorder that works very well as a dictaphone. i am hoping they wont notice, will try to be discreet, but can only record for an hour and then you have to switch it on again.

i'm way too tired to start work on chapter 6 right now. besides its late, its 1.30am. so best to start afresh tommorow i reckon. so i am going to have a quick snack , watch abit of telly to unwind, and then hit the sack and rewrite chapter 6 tommorow (battle face).

see you folks tommorow :-) its going to be a long day tommorow! going to glue myself to my chair.

Hi Sarah, thanks so much for your message, and the encouragement really appreciate it!! good luck with your submission next week , you definately have company around here!!

Armendaf, great to hear from you!! you are so right! that is a good way to look at the nature of the corrections, thanks for that, i feel better.

Ruby, how are you feeling ? i hope you are feeling better. you around at the weekend?
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update: i had a really good phone meeting with my 3rd sup this morning. i was so stressed could hardly sleep last night!

but he was being really nice and encouraging. he told me how to restructure it and told me that i have written abit too much detail and to make it more consise. most of the stuff involves cutting stuff out and summarising what i have written into shorter sentences instead of paragraphs. i actually recoreded the phone conversation hehe cheeky me, but i know i wouldnt have been able to write down all his advice. so i am now going to transcribe the conversation to make sure i dont miss anything out.

i then went into college and got back chapter 1 from a postdoc - she said the chapter reads well although it is abit long. i was like, really? i was worried it was too short! (its about 40 pages, 13,000 words).... but she said that i will be happy to hear that i only have spelling and grammer mistakes to correct and some sentences that i need to explain better.
so that made me feel better.

and then my 2nd sup gave me back hard copies of chapter 2, 4 and 7 . but said she will go through the corrections with me on monday meeting.

so the plan is to first rewrite chapter 6. which i will work on tommorow. and then sunday - look through the corrections of the other chapters, incase i dont understand anything and need to ask them on monday.

then on monday i get corrections from my 1st sup of chapter 3 and 5.

i am feeling less stressed now.

my aims for tonight:
transcribe the phone conversation.

i am feeling tired, so i dont have the energy to rewrite chapter 6. but i want to transcribe the phone conversation so i know exactly what i need to do tommorow.

======= Date Modified 16 Oct 2008 21:47:59 =======
Thanks so much Ruby. your message really brightened up my day and made me feel so much better!

I took your advice. :-) I had an easy day today. I sorted out all my examination forms, and put them in order, and labelled the bits my sup needs to sign etc. and organised them so i know exactly what forms need to be filled in etc. so that's done. i feel better about that.

then my 2nd sup emailed me and told me she is busy tommorow but can give me hard copies of the corrections of the chapters she has reviewed. and my 3rd sup emailed me and asked if we can have a meeting over the phone about chapter 6 as he would prefer to work from home tommorow, so i've arranged to talk to him tommorow morning at 9am, and he will go through chapter 6 over the phone. i was super nervous as to what the corrections and feedback were about but he sounded quite relaxed about it and said that its nothing major, and its more to do with the style of how i wrote the chapter, and in particular the methods section and how i havent written it like a scientific paper way. he said it will only take 30minutes to go through it.

and then i am going to go into college and pick up the chapters my 2nd sup has reviewed. i think its worth wasting 2 hours on commute, to get the chapters correction and feedback from my 2nd sup, that way at least i can have a look through what corrections she has written, so i am not completely shocked on monday, when i have the big meeting with my 1st and 2nd sup when they will go through my entire thesis in detail.

i am then meeting a collegue for lunch, even though shes working from home, she wanted to see me, which i thought was sweet, it will be nice to talk to her.

and then i will come home and get cracking on chapter 6!! my aim is to get chapter 6 corrected, by saturday night.

i think i will feel better once i get the feedback and corrections back, because the not knowing and imagining the mountain of corrections is really stressing me out.

you are so right Ruby, what is the worst that can happen. and you're right, i just need to do my best and submit, and yes you're right everyone gets minor and major corrections, i just gotta do the best i can in the time i have.

thanks again for your message Ruby, you said all the right things :-) you made me feel better. because ontop of feeling under the weather the stress of not getting any work done was making me feel even worse. but you're right better i am rested so i can get cracking on the corrections and feedback i get tommorow.

well i am going to have an early night tonight. i am going to take a shower right now, so i can save time in the morning. and then have something to eat and go to bed early. and wake up at 8am tommorow, so i am all ready for my phone meeting at 9am! i am still nervous as to what my 3rd sup will say, but it will be good to get it over and done with!