Awww Armendaf, you are too kind to say those things thanks so much, that really means alot to me :-)
and dont worry about having a lie in, it is sunday after all!!

Ruby, thats a good idea about modifying your aims, sometimes when we tell ourselves to do too much it can be overwelming!

well i've been slow in my writing since my last login. so far have written 910 words. i've started my egg timer, and i am only allowing myself one more hour to be spend on the discussion, and then i am going to wrap this baby up! and then reward myself with a nice long hot bubble bath and a book (chick lit something easy hehe).

i'm just going through a stack of papers, to see what else i want to put in , but then i am drawing a line. the discussion is still very choppy though, so needs further work, but getting the bulk of the content down.

okay 4pm is my deadline!!

I agree with what everyone has said, they are absolutely right, nothing in this world, if ever worth ending your precious life, and you do deserve this life, of course you do. and there is no shame in failing, absolutely none at all! it doesnt define you as a person.

i know how you are feeling, i was going through a very dark period a couple of months ago, and i had suicidal thoughts aswell, i just wanted it to all just go away, i would never actually go through it, but did fantasise about it just ending everything. i was too shameful to tell my parents or my friends and kept pretending everything was fine, plus my supervisors were being horrid to me aswell, but i discovered this forum and got alot of support and help, and it really helped to change things around. trust me, there is always a solution to everything, no matter how hopeless.

i had recieved a letter from my uni saying i must submit my thesis or i would be terminated, at the time, i had hardly written any of my thesis. my supervisors were saying i am a failure and didnt believe i would be able to finish my thesis and were quite aggressive and intimidating to me. i had alot of pressure from my family to pass my phd. one day i just broke down and couldnt stop crying. eventually little by little, i got abit better, i first went to a counseller, spoke to friends, spoke to members on this forum. took a break from it all, and just thought, i will just try my best and whether i fail or not , that doesnt matter, as long as i try my best. i was very close to quitting. and this is after 7 years of work put into my phd, but only the last 2 years where i started on a new project that finally got me results.

trust me, i feel like a failure, but now i dont care. i am just trying my best, i have a few weeks to finish my thesis, which is still very incomplete, but i just take it day by day.

what i do want to share with you, is this:

"failure is about behaviour, outcomes and results, failure is NOT a personality characteristic. although what you do may not give you the result you wanted, it doesnt mean you are a failure! because you made a mistake, doesnt mean that you are a failure"

also i think perhaps now would be a good time to first: seek counselling at your university, every university has a counseller and it is completely confidential. and then speak to your supervisor, that you feel sick and take some time off and perhaps if you can visit your family. you need a break from it all to gain perspective.

i hope you are feeling better, everyone goes through what your going through. i've gone through it many times. its constant up and down. just everyday you gotta keep fighting it.

how are you feeling today? please remember that whether you pass your phd or not, is not important. what is important is your mental health. a phd does not deserve the sacrifice of your life, its just a degree at the end of the day, and the world is your oyster, you can do whatever you want. there are always other options and things that you might find that you can really excel in.

i am sure you are doing the best you can in your phd.

======= Date Modified 07 Sep 2008 12:48:15 =======
Hey Ruby :-) thanks!

that sounds like a fantastic idea about booking a week off to concentrate on your thesis. and yes lots of little breaks throughout the day is what helps me going. it will be nice to have the company this week. :-)

yes i agree am very impressed TG got loads of work done after coming back from the pub. after i come back from going out, working is the last thing on my mind.

hope you are well rested Armendaf.

my aims:

continue work on discussion section chapter 5 and finish it hopefully within the next few hours!!!

okay i am calling it a night, am sleepy and tired and have no more motivation or will to write anymore.
total words i have written in the past couple of hours = 1703 words.
haven't finished the discussion section, but i am nearly done, gotta go through about 4 pages of handwritten notes, and then quickly skim through some papers to see if i can add anything more.

tommorow's aim: finish the discussion section. and then work on the discussion section of chapter 4. i have decided to do the brain taxing stuff (ie discussion sections) first, and then sort out results etc, later on which involves more labour time but less thinking. as its sometimes hard to think under pressure.goodnight

Armendaf, we always seem to post at the same time unaware of the other!!! lol

you know what, that's exactly what i was thinking, i love this thread and our little community, it feels really nice... definately should celebrate once we're all done and dusted and have a burning ritual, where we burn our notes or something lol.

good night Armendaf, have a good night sleep. i didnt do anything this evening, so gotta make up for it now.

hello folks, i'm clocking in for the very late night shift. my break turned into a massive one! but im wide awake, so thought i would try to finish my discussion section tonight.

Armendaf, you probably gone to bed as its quite late.

Thanks Ruby and Tractorgirl :-) very nice of you both to say about my word count today :-)

and wow TG 8 hours is amazing! well done you.

Ruby, thats a great idea about having a notepad next to your bed for late night inspirations.

i watched this scary movie on telly, called "wolfcreek" enough to put you off backpacking i tell ya! i think i had seen it before, but had forgotten it, pretty disturbing and scary!!

Swatje, glad you had a lovely day of relaxing, good for you! (y)

see you guys tommorow. i will work until i feel sleepy. i have just cracked open a can of coke hehehe.

hey Ruby, thats a great idea, working the weekend and taking monday off, exactly in the phd world, no such thing as a real weekend, so just take days off as it suits ya !

i saw bits and pieces of the xfactor whilst i was writing up my discussion LOL some of the auditions were hilarious! i think thats the best part of xfactor the auditions, after that, i stop watching it lol. i like the new presenters, although i do miss ant and dec!!! but have always like dermot! he's cool.
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Armendaf, a fry up eh, yum yum! good plan about going back to the mind map and figuring out why you're stuck, but sounds like you've been working hard today.

i will join you for the night shift aswell! but first i am going to take a break. been working since 6pm, and just finished writing up my discussion section from my zero draft, total words written today - 2637 words in total.
but now i need to add information from papers and connect it to my data, and then after i've done that, i will leave it for a day or two, so i can go back to it with fresh eyes and spot the areas where i am repeating the same thing but in a different way! i think sometimes when you've been working on something, you find it hard to edit and cut things out, because you've spent so much time on producing the words and the sentences.

so the aim for tonight is to add information from papers. and then move onto writing up the results section. once that is done, i am going to leave chapter 5 for a few days and come back to it later on, to transfer it to final draft version.
(hehe glad you like my metaphor of marinating Ruby).

well going to get something to eat now and watch CSI! (Armendaf, i love CSI too and i've watched all the episodes of ghost whisperer). it's a cool episode, they have the guy from without a trace! love it when they combine shows hehe. and i agree CSI las vegas is the best one, then 2nd fav is miami then ny.

okay i'm off now, will clock in later on tonight. probably around 11pm.

Armendaf definately good call about getting something to eat, as i find it hard to concentrate if i am hungy. what did you have for lunch. and how is your tooth ?
glad didnt scare you off with the female issues lol.

Tractogirl, that is so cute about the story behind your nickname, i always wondered about your nick , thought it had something to do with you being on a farm or something hehe. i hope you have fun at the pub! and hope your eye examination goes okay. i sometimes wear contact lenses, (cinema and stuff) and hate that yellow stain testing too, afterwards you have to walk around with yellow stained eyes, lol but eventually wears off. hate the puff in the air test, i find it so hard not to jump back! lol and i always feel i am going to fail my eye test, and get the wrong prescription haha.
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Ruby how is your work coming along? and lol at the rice cake getting in your hair. i like peanut butter, yum yum with strawberry jam on toast.
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i just had lunch. 2 granary toasts, with cheese, lettuce and cucumber and lots of salad cream (love salad cream). and cup of coffee. feeling sleepy now! i want to take a nap, but i thought i should do some work and then if i am still feeling sleepy take a quick nap. so i am going to write up the mad scribblings i wrote regarding my discussion section. and then maybe i will be able to spot the bits where i am repeating the same thing.
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wow congratulations, that is super news!! you should definately reward yourself for that accomplishment! great stuff(up)

Hello everyone! :-)

Thanks so much for your message Tractorgirl :-) And also Ruby thanks a bunch for your message, you both so sweet!

well Ruby, i fell asleep after dinner too! didnt even get a chance to bring out the coke to keep me alert, but your right coke probably not the best thing for cramps! i was planning on using it for when i was sleepy, but when i had dinner at 12.30am at night, i had a cold drink from the fridge and then i got cramps (sorry Armendaf avert your eyes! female cramps, if you know what i mean!) so alas, i was unable to stay up and work on the discussion like i had planned, and just took some medicine and went to bed. woke up at 11am. feeling much better today, rested and relaxed.

and you all are so right, no need to work late night, because i gotta keep going for the long haul, better i work during the day and early evening and get a decent night sleep.

i love this forum too and hearing about everyones work progress, thanks Tractorigirl for saying you felt inspired by me, i feel inspired by the progress you've done! you are so very nearly there. and i too feel the panic whether i will get it done in time, but like you said, lets just do as much as we can, and worst case few days before submission just tie up the loose ends and hand it in , in whatever shape or form!

Armendaf, i am so impressed you worked till so late, well done you!

Good luck Ruby with chapter 1,
and enjoy the footie today Tractorgirl

well its going to be a long day for me ! i want to get the discussion section done today and then write up the results section.

my aims:
1. do one more result analysis
2. write up the discussion section
3. write up the results section.

i was thinking of doing some extra analysis, not really necessary , so i will leave it till the end, besides the freebie demo just ran out so it might be abit of a phaff to get it again. so might do it if i get time at the end. need to start finishing off chapters instead of doing more extra stuff.

okay will check back in and report my progress. going to work for maximum of 2 hours before i take a break.

love reading everyones updates and posts during the night shift especially, dont feel so alone!

just thought i would post a quick note. i'm going to get something to eat, as feeling hungry. just finished the introduction section, finally. but noticed i am repeating the same thing in several different ways near the end, where i'm talking about my aims! lol so i'm going to let it marinate and look at it with fresh eyes to cut out the repeats and just pick one!!

but am now moving onto the discussion section, finally !!! but before that, just gotta do one more result analysis that i figured out during writing the introduction section, wont take long.

total words i have written since my last login which was at 9pm, is 1549 words.
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am watching "just friends" on bbc1, a cute romantic comedy.

Armendaf, so sorry to hear about your tooth, sounds painful! what terrible timing for you.
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swatje, get some sleep!! and rest up tommorow and chill , you deserve it. and like armendaf said, once your rested, you will be able to hit the books and revise more effectively!

TG nice to have you up and that's great that the caffeine is working. i dont drink coke, probably just a can once or twice a month, so when i do drink it,, i am also buzzing! i've been saving the can of coke for later on though, havent touched the stuff yet, will bring it in when i start to feel sleepy. the nap i had during the evening worked in keeping me alert right now. thanks so much for caring and telling me not to push myself so much, you are so sweet! i really appreciate it.

thanks Armendaf also for your encouragement and support!

yep you guys are right, will use this weekend to get the chapter finished and then work on the other chapters. thanks :-)

yep i wont stay up all night, as that tends to make me feel sick and crappy the next day, will try to get as much done tonight until i feel sleepy.

okay, going to get some food, be back around 1ish

first of all, take a long deep breath.

and second of all you are NOT a mediocre grad student!! are you kidding me, anyone who does mathematical physics is an intelligent student in my books!!

and third, do not panic. there is always a solution to everything, and nothing is ever a failure! and finding something wrong, is no reflection on you!

trust me, i was given a crappy project that did not work for 5 years!! it was only in my 6th year i finally did my own project that i started to get results. and time is never wasted, you always learn something.

and fourthly, well done for you for spotting the mistake, and i am impressed by your knowledge of what seems to be like very very very complicated stuff!!

some quotes i found inspiring :
{quotes}
"You have the right to be wrong

Let your ideas fail, let your skills prove their inadequacy, and let your knowledge reveal its limits. None of that is the real you anyway.

When you fail you discover your boundaries. You map out the edges of your capabilities. And this allows you to eventually move beyond them."

The Law of Feedback states: there is no failure; there is only feedback. Successful people look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not as failure. Unsuccessful people look at mistakes as permanent and personal.

Buckminster Fuller wrote, "Whatever humans have learned had to be learned as a consequence only of trial and error experience. Humans have learned only through mistakes."

Bold, decisive action. Do something scary. Fear of failure immobilizes you. To overcome this fear, you must act. When you act, act boldly.

Failure is about behavior, outcomes, and results. Failure is not a personality characteristic. Although what you do may not give you the result you wanted, it doesn’t mean you are a failure. Because you made a mistake, doesn’t mean that you are a failure.{end quote}

okay now for pragmatic advice.

my first advice would be to perhaps (if you havent done so already) is logically go through each of the "problems" and mistakes one by one, and write it down. explain why you think its wrong, and then write down all the repurcussions it will have. DO NOT WORRY about publications! that is not important, focus on your phd thesis, trust me, although papers are nice to have, they are not essential. and you can still get your phd , as long as you explain what you found etc. its not always about positive results.

now once you have written everything down and cleared your mind, its time to contact your supervisor and ask him for a meeting. i know its going to be hard, but noway to get around it. explain to him what you have found and make up a meeting agenda. you will just have to bite the bullet and tell him. im sure it will be okay in the end. these things happen and it doesnt mean your a failed phd student or a bad person, just be honest and see what happens.

good luck and let us know how you get on.

the only time we truly fail is when we give up. so give it your best shot and see what happens!

thanks Ruby for your message :-) thanks for understanding.

sounds like your rearing to go on your thesis, good luck! (up)
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CONGRATULATIONS Swantje! that is so awesome you finishing your MA thesis! WELL DONE you! and wow what a nightmare and panic! well done for getting it all done in time, you are a star! you deserve to reward yourself after all of that. GOOD luck for your last exam! am sure it will go great! just remember to take some time to relax and unwind before you start revising! at least a day off (up)---
===

well i am clocked in for the night shift. i ended up taking a nap after getting some food, i had cramps and wasnt feeling so well, but the nap has done me good, feeling okay now. and am going to glue myself to my bed with my laptop and finish the introduction section - hoping i can get it done within the next 2 hours.

will report back as soon as i am done. then will take a little break. and get cracking on the discussion section, am planning on staying up all night and getting the blasted discussion section done, even if it kills me lol, i am going to drink coca cola to keep me awake. has to be done! and then tommorow hopefully will get the results section done and then thats chapter 5 done and can get started on the other chapters.

good luck for anyone else working tonight!

======= Date Modified 05 Sep 2008 15:49:11 =======
Awww thanks so much Tractogirl, you're message made me smile :-)
sounds like you gotta do the nitty gritty stuff today, its a pain! and i will be joining you for the late shift also! really want to get as much of chapter 5 done as possible today.
thanks so much for saying that i got alot done yesterday, so nice of you :)

--
well i took some medicine this morning, and feeling much better now :-) i had to lie down, and then eventually started working at 1.40pm - solidly for two hours, its funny, but as soon as the 2 hours are up, (without even realising) my brain is aching for a break - and i have the "ugh i cant be bothered anymore" feeling - and then i look at the clock and realise its been two hours and that i need a break!

so taking a break now, going to get something to eat, and relax for abit, and then continue working on the introduction. am nearly done, have only about 20% left to write the part about why i am doing what i am doing and why its important blah blah.

and once i am done with the introduction, will reward myself with a break...and then can get cracking on the discussion section which is the brain taxing part (So TG you have my sympathy with chapter 7!). but am glad i have my zero draft of that ,to work from.

so far today i have written 1482 words.

good luck everyone. i'm working on my laptop today on my bed in my study room, i am all nice and comfy and cosy, isn't it grande to be able to work from home :-) i love it.