======= Date Modified 03 Sep 2008 12:16:38 =======
======= Date Modified 03 Sep 2008 12:15:27 =======
Hey Everyone!!

thanks Armendaf, Tractorgirl and Ruby for your messages!! :-) feeling much more positive now about what i achieved yesterday. thanks so much you all :-)

Good luck everyone with your writing! Ruby nice to see you have gained motivation again. And good luck with chapter 1 tractorgirl. and Armendaf good luck with chapter 3.

And you all early birds, so good you started early! Tractorgirl i couldnt sleep well last night either, so woke up at 11am in the end.

i am just about to start, a late start for me. my aim: finish zero draft of the discussion!!

It's good you guys take a break and watch diagnosis murder, it helps keep you motivated! (up)

Tractorgirl- the film was P2. it was a thriller. about a woman (lawyer) being stuck in a parking lot on christmas eve, being harrassed by the parking attendant. it was pretty good.

how was nims island?

and wow TG. your bf is a FA referee, that's cool.
(up)

Awww thanks so much Armendaf, you're message has cheered me up so much!! I really really appreciate it! :-)

glad you had fun at footie! and wow must be so hard juggling work and thesis writing! if you manage to find out how to clone yourself, let me know! cause i wanna clone myself 7 times, each one of me working on a chapter simultaneously hehe.

that's great you're going to work hard in the morning! good luck!

thanks again for the lovely encouraging and supportive message, you've made me feel good about what i have achieved today.

i think i am going to call it a night too. i am just going to watch the film and then start again in the morning.

see you guys tommorow :-)

======= Date Modified 02 Sep 2008 22:23:13 =======

Ruby, many many many times i've fallen asleep after lunch too! so dont worry!!
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Tractorgirl:
dont you just wish they wouldnt threaten us with termination! that's so harsh, i would be happy if they just gave a fine of some sort.

but i will run out of time before you, trust me! i have to write whole big chunks for my chapters, and most of them are soooooooooooo incomplete, i just think its impossible to even think about me submitting. but like Ruby said, all we can do is just plod on and do as much as i can. i just have to try and just get as much completed as possible.

my update for today.

i have not finished my zero draft of my discussion :-( today i did 5 and half hours of writing (productive time) wrote 13 pages for my discussion (hand written- zero draft level!! so very messy!) and then wrote 3 pages worth of verbatim notes from a paper to include in my discussion.

i still need to include ALOT of information from the papers i have read past few days, in order for me to complete the zero draft. which will then need alot more work to make it to a final draft.

BUT now - I am going to treat myself and watch a dvd film. i made a deal with myself lol. the deal was, no telly during the day at all, and to just concentrate and write as much as i could.

besides after dinner, i like to unwind.

after the film, i hope to do some more writing for the discussion until i feel sleepy, but i think i am quite tired today, so i might just call it an early night and head to bed and start again in the morning.

i am dissapointed in myself that i have not finished the zero draft of my discussion, but then like Ruby said, we can only do as much as humanly possible, even though the deadline is looming, i cant work any more or faster. i wish i was bionic lol

anyways going to watch P2, a scary movie to just get my mind of things, feeling stressed and depressed these days cause i am so worried i wont complete by the deadline.

wishing you all a goodnight!! thanks for listening, sorry i rambled on for so long!!!

ps i realise i am being harsh on myself, i think if it wasnt for the deadline, than i would have been so pleased with my progress today, of all the writing i did. it's just the deadline, makes anything i do, never "good enough". i'm so harsh on myself! lol sometimes my aims are in the range of, complete entire thesis by dinner time.

thanks for listening, it really helps to write all of this out..helps to share the anxiety.

Hi Ruby, thanks so much for your message!
you're so right, only way to stop panic is to just keep to the plan and plod along.
and like you told Tractorgirl, what else can we humanly do, but just plod on and do as much as we can each day, we're only human!

---
Tractorgirl thanks so much for your supportive message, it REALLY REALLY made me feel better! i really was beginning to panic! thanks so much, today i felt so much more relaxed and just got on with it.

but yah, i might have to join you, and go running from the terminator! lol

i dont think you have to worry about whether your phd is up to standards., because sounds like your supervisor is happy with it! so don't worry about that.
and i have every confidence you will get it done by your deadline, you've always met your deadlines, you're doing so well!


although i worry about my phd, first of all its not even complete and then if i manage to complete it by some miracle by the deadline, i think its complete crap and the examiners will be like, this is rubbish, you need to rewrite it and then it will only be elligible for a mphil!

ps love the convo about that tv show, i think i've seen it once. its quite good. lol at the mary poppins comment Ruby

Hi Tractorgirl, oh dear what a nightmare!!! thank God you got the disks back!

and wow congratulations on having the thesis basically completed, that is absolutely brilliant! you are so going to meet the deadline, your hard work paid off!! i am sure it wont take long to correct chapter 7 and then you're done!

you've inspired me to get my butt into gear and try to finish off my chapters by the end of the week..

Hello Armendaf and Ruby, hope you two have a good day.

My aims:
complete chapter 5:
write zero draft of discussion
write up results section
write a short introduction section
transfer the zero draft of the discussion to 1st draft.
it's going to be a long day, but i really need to start finishing off my chapters, as am scared i am running out of time.

======= Date Modified 01 Sep 2008 23:59:56 =======
Ruby well done!

and Thanks so much Armendaf! you are a star!! :-)

--

well i felt abit guilty not doing any writing after dinner. so i set my egg timer for 15 minutes, and i wrote 1 page and 1/4 :-)
and have parked on a downhill slope, as i know exactly what to write next... so will be easier to get started tommorow.

yep,. i'm taking your advice Armendaf, and calling it a night, as i am really tired and sleepy now.

feeling much better now :-)

goodnight you all , you guys are so amazing. i dont know what i would do without ya'll

Awwwwwww thanks Ruby, your message really made me feel better!! I so appreciate it, you're so sweet, thanks so much :-)
---

and you deserved to have taken the day off! after meeting your deadline, so dont worry about not doing anything phd related, you deserve to take some time off to relax, reward yourself , you've worked so hard , so well done you (y)

You're so right about sometimes it just takes time to set your ideas down, and you're right, we aint bionic, lol loved that analogy , it made me smile :-)

glad to know i'm not the only one that finds it easier to write on paper, it's liberating ;-)

well i've not done anything since dinner. feeling abit sleepy and tired to be honest. :$ i think i might call it a day, and start again tommorow when i am fresh and alert.

======= Date Modified 01 Sep 2008 23:10:54 =======
Thanks Armendaf, you're so very kind :-) i really appreciate the supportive message you wrote to me.

i am feeling scared and anxious all of a sudden. i am so scared that i wont finish my thesis by the deadline. i was feeling fine before, but now i am feeling all scared. i think what triggered it might have been my dad telling me that one of his friends wife had to submit by end of august, and she managed to submit it in time, and worked really hard to get it done.

i know i should just push those thoughts out, and just concentrate on getting my chapters completed.

i know i am being *silly* and should just try my best to get it done and finished instead of wasting energy *worrying*

---

some anon uplifting quotes i just came across..

"You have the right to be wrong

Let your ideas fail, let your skills prove their inadequacy, and let your knowledge reveal its limits. None of that is the real you anyway.

When you fail you discover your boundaries. You map out the edges of your capabilities. And this allows you to eventually move beyond them."

“One of these day is none of these days”

"I'm so scared of failing.

But if I choose not to move on just because I'm scared, I fail regardless of my attempt.

I need to move on.

Time is ticking away.."

nice article about fear of failure

http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/overcoming-fear-of-failure.html

i've printed it out, and stuck it next to my monitor to remind me..

Swantje, sounds like you're very near to finishing off your thesis, but i can understand you're feeling anxious, even little things that you think will only take a small amoutn of time, end up taking ages. i can sympathesise!

so this oral exam? is that the viva on your thesis? or something completely disconnected from your thesis?

======= Date Modified 01 Sep 2008 18:47:36 =======
======= Date Modified 01 Sep 2008 18:43:35 =======
Hello everyone, how has your day been so far? Ruby? Armendaf? TG? Mira? and Celesmai and anyone else venturing on this thread!

--

i thought i would come in for a quick account of what i've been doing today!

--
Sent off some data etc to my 2nd sup about 2nd paper and explained some stuff, so there is no need for me to go in personally to explain and show where *stuff* is, so that's saved me a day!
---

I started writing today!! after 3 days of reading papers!! and funnily enough, after reading non stop, you actually *want* to start writing! funny that. but did quite alot of procrastination, and have only really been writing for the past 2 hours or so. can't remember when i started properly.

but before i started writing - i was abit naughty, and printed out some of the papers that have cited my 1st paper, but then realised how valuable those papers actually are, and i can use them for my discussion for chapter 3! so not a complete ego indulgence there.. hehe but i must admit, it's quite nice to see other papers citing lil ol me in their papers. makes me think all those years have not gone to waste, regardless of whether i pass my phd or not!
---

i then started writing finally. i am writing the old fashioned way, pen and paper, and i really much prefer this, really helps to let loose the man mad persona inside me. did not care much about repetition, or grammer or sequence, i tried to keep it at least to the same *sub-section*.

so far today: i've written 5 pages of hand written mad scribblings and i tend to write big lol, a few paragraphs i have already crossed out, but at least its *something*... and i don't feel so scared or intimidated as i was a few days ago, when i had no clue what to write or what i could say.

i am going for a quick bike ride, and then have some dinner and relax for abit with a dvd, and then start again later on tonight.

see you for the night shift, folks! if anyone else is planning on working tonight.

i wanted to finish my chapter 5 by today, but sometimes it takes time to get inspiration! you can't always put a clock on it. but i am trying to stay calm - because when i panic and stress about the time ticking away and the looming deadline and about failing to finish my thesis by the deadline or thinking my thesis is crap, i can't think at all and get blocked and stressed and can't concentrate or work. so i am staying relaxed and that's helped to unblock me.

Sounds like you've had a bad experience, what happened? if you don't mind me asking.

Thanks for the article Juno, it was very interesting to read.

I agree with the comments he made about how the focus should be on producing a good thesis instead of submitting it within 3-4 years, and whether the work reflects the time instead of the quality, and originality and whether it contributes to the ether of knowledge.

he then talks about how other labs are always in a race to just publish, but are unlikely to make unique contributions, because they take the "safe road" but the risky road, where the result might end up being negative is seldom taken.


"I had witnessed the frustration of scientists who were pursuing obvious experiments that were simultaneously being carried out in other laboratories. These scientists were constantly in a race. It had always seemed to me that, even if they were able to publish their results six months before a competing laboratory, they were unlikely to make truly unique contributions.

I had used a different strategy. My approach had been that of predicting how a particular biological process might work and then taking years to test whether my guess might be right. This was enormously risky. The good news was that I was carrying out experiments that were different from those being done by everyone else. The problem was that these tests could produce only a 'yes' or 'no' answer. If 'yes', I might be able to add something unique to the world's store of scientific knowledge. But if 'no', I would learn nothing of real value — in this case, I could eliminate just one of the many possible ways in which DNA replication might begin."

"The months of analysis triggered by the wake-up call of my PhD failure finally produced an answer. I would look for a unique experimental approach, but one that would have a high probability of increasing our knowledge of the natural world, regardless of the experimental results obtained."

that to me is great science. not focused on producing papers like some sort of factory. i didn't like the pressure my sups put on me to produce papers, everything was geared towards papers, instead of a phd. i'm seeing the same thing happening to my collegues, they almost are putting their phds in the back burner, and saying to each student, 'we expect at least 2 papers out of you'. instead of focusing on their phd thesis! i know sups have pressure to produce papers for grants etc, but they see phd students as "cheap labour" in producing papers. i may sound cynical, but i am not the only one that feels this way. its happening more and more these days.

and they try to make it out like you wont pass your phd if you dont have your work published first. its done so subtly, you dont even realise it!

me too! i would be happy if i could submit my thesis when i felt it was good and ready, instead of having to submit because of the deadline. i know people say, well then you will never submit. but i am sure i heard in the olden days you submitted your phd thesis, after years and years and years of work, sometimes the phd would be an accumulation of your life's work! nowadays its like a conveyer belt, belting out phds after 3-4 years. i admire those that can do it, dont get me wrong. thats fantastic, but sometimes in science, things dont always go the way you planned.

i read this really nice article in Nature, about a scientist who's an incredible scientist now, that failed his phd! but he did eventually get his phd later on.
{{ 'failure' was a blessing in disguise.}}

Nature 431, 1041 (28 October 2004) Published online 27 October 2004

Bruce Alberts
Turning points A wake-up call


Bruce Alberts is the president of the National Academy of Sciences, 500 5th Street, NW, Washington DC

"How failing a PhD led to a strategy for a successful scientific career.

One of my most important formative experiences as a scientist was very traumatic at the time. In the spring of 1965, I had finished writing my PhD thesis at Harvard University, in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and had purchased aeroplane tickets to take my wife Betty and our one-year-old daughter with me for a postdoctoral year in Geneva, Switzerland.

Only one step remained — a meeting of my thesis committee to approve the granting of my PhD degree in biophysics. No one in recent memory had failed at this late stage ...But to my great surprise, the committee failed me, specifying the need for more experiments that eventually required six more months of research.

This was, of course, a great embarrassment and a shock to my ego.

....I was to spend the next few months struggling to answer two questions that would be critical for my future. What had gone wrong, and did I really have what it takes to be a scientist?

..In retrospect, the shock of having my PhD thesis rejected in 1965 proved to be a critical step in shaping me as a scientist, because it forced me to recognize the central importance of the strategy that underlies any major scientific quest."

well in that case, that makes me feel better :-) id rather have my fate decided before my viva lol. takes the pressure off.