pamplemousse, thanks

that was a really good idea to seek counselling. and thanks to Bilbobagins for finding the link

i'm glad. I just finished writing up details of all the years of my phd, in preparation for my couselling session and the welfare advisor meeting. it's actually weird to see it all on paper. usually i just see it as a blur.

Olivia, I really like your ideas and suggestions, maybe this is your calling!

protecting and helping out phd students and forming a support network to protect them. hehe and devloping and devising a structure so that phd students dont fall into dispair.

no they wont tell your supervisor, is confidential.

you should go for it! seriously, i wish i had done so all those years ago.

lol golf pro

i think he genuinely is concerned

because i wrote to the graduate officer in charge of examination forms and him -my graduate tutor. asking them if i could arrange a counselling session and who to contact to do this.

(before i was given the link on this forum)

and my graduate tutor email me today and said:;

Dear Lara

****** can advise you on the student counseling services.

If this is to do with you PhD studies is there anything I can do to help? Perhaps a short chat?

Regards,

--

he was the one that actually supported me that i should write my thesis and not worry about papers, and told me i have enough data.

i wish i had listened to him

good luck with your MA swantje

Charliechaplin, see if your university has such advisors.

i too spent alot of time in the british library in the reading rooms, i actually liked it there :)

i dont mind the isolation and working on my own. i am quite happy working away on my own... but what gets to me is the negativity from supervisors and the put downs.

i really regret, suffering in silence all those years and having no idea that other phd students feel the same way. and that there is a way to get help. and that its not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. and that i'm not some sort of weak unstable emotional person. but that im just going through a hard time.

i thought asking for help or telling people how i really felt or the truth of the situation, people would consider me a "wack" job and it would jeopardise my chances of passing my phd.

so instead I thought I have to just grin and bear it. grinning and just to keep my head down and just go along with it, feeling like a hostage at the same time, i thought these things were just to be endured and to just suffer in silence.

and then my graduate tutor also emailed me this morning, asking me if i was okay, and if there is anything he can do to help. wow i am so touched by qmul support. really blown away. they are really going out of their way to help me.

so i feel so much better now.

Olivia is so wise, she would make an excellent counseller :) i really like what you say Olivia, you are so empathetic and kind hearted.

i agree with everything you said.

And I was completely unaware of counselling and welfare advisors at my university, until someone yesterday gave me the link!
i emailed the centre, briefly tell them about my panic attacks and the anxiety i am feeling. and they called me today, and arranged a counselling session AND a meeting with the welfare advisor for this thursday! wow! thats all i gotta say. i felt that i was being "silly" or melodramatic or a drama queen. but i feel so much better now that im going to have a counselling session. and can just be honest about the whole thing, without fear.

Thanks everyone for your help and advice yesterday.

The welfare advisor phoned me this morning, and has arranged me to meet both the university counseller and advisor this week.

And my graduate tutor at qmul, has also emailed me, asking if I was okay.

so it's nice to have that support. So now I don't feel so stressed, about the examination forms, and what my supervisor said, and whether he will arrange examiners or not, because it doesn't matter, one way or the other, it will get sorted out, and I can now just focus on my writing and my thesis.

i would quit, if i were you, because you say, you really want to quit. and if you've thought about it for 2 weeks, than its not just an impulse, but a true feeling.

i too did not want to quit because of fear of dissapointing everyone. but a phd is hard enough as it is, without doing it for other people.

trust me, in hindsight, i wish i had quit after my first year. i just didnt have the courage to do so.

do what you REALLY want to do, and dont even think about what other people will think. its you that will be working hard.

my advice, do what you really want to do. the whole world is out there!

lol ANG, that's so funny. that made me laugh. yah i know what you mean, sometimes i think, why cant i get my whole thesis written in a day!! and berate myself for it. i think the hard part is wanting to write certain number of words a day, and actually achieving that. even if you have absolute resolve.

i love the september club :) sounds so much nicer than, "submit by september or you will DIE!" lol

Thanks Jojo that's nice to hear.

---

BB , you're alive! glad to hear you're okay. yah i understand about you being busy and the forums taking up time..

hope you get the book soon, and good luck with your work. thanks for the message

thanks swantje, you're right.

wait, you're allowed to know who you're examiners are ? and can meet up with them before the viva? i thought you werent allowed to be in contact with examiners until the viva day.

yah i think you're right.

i think i'm probably losing it abit. i isolated myself away from my friends and family. and havent taken a break, so i might be overly sensitive.

i guess i just focused on this part of his email and didnt see anything else

"It's a lot of work for ***** and I to organise examiners and then commit to the endless hours going through your thesis.

"We are certainly not prepared to take this any further, in particular by contacting our peers to ask them to take on the task of examining you, until we are satisfied that once the process has started, you will complete it".

i guess i felt that i was a burden on them, and that they didnt want to spend countless hours helping me with my thesis and dont want to arrange examiners.

i am really emotional and super sensitive these days. and just focused on one part of the email. and then just saw red. and lost it. i'm much calmer now.