I almost dont wanna post because I fear being chased out with pitchforks but I had a lovely Val day. I have never had a good one before-minor breakdown panic attack 2 years ago on one being the high point lol you see my point!
But my other half bought me a mass of red roses, surprised me with tickets to Wicked in the West End for April, flights booked and everything, I get to pick the hotel! He thought it would make me smile and would give me an incentive to work toward. I love him to bits. Its been a lovely day.
Ive kissed a lot of frogs, a lot of idiots and a lot of not very nice ones.
x

Hi all,
I think this is just a vent, I was at a meeting with my supervisor yesterday and we were talking to some Masters students and he was talking about what it takes to do a PhD -I was the example (goodness knows why) but they were asking about how disciplined you have to be to be a researcher (im so not) and my sup used a PhD student in the same year as me as an example saying she worked rigidly and barely ever had to do a redraft just produced steadily when she found the time as she has kids also which she looks after when not working.
I just nodded along but then he (my sup) starts talking about how this woman submitted a chapter for a book which is being edited by an American academic and how it was so good the academic had emailed him praising it. Now my sup isnt even her supervisor. I suppose I just felt pretty rubbish. Im having a hard enough time and have gone off my schedule with a recent illness which im furious with myself about. But I havent got the same amount of pubs she has, but she is also much older than me and is doing her PhD even though she has taught for years.
I dont know I know im being a total complainer but I suppose I just felt a bit crap. Shes a lovely woman and I dont want to begrudge her publications you know?

can anyone give a main text for phenomenography? I believe its fairly new as in the 1970s but its not a keystone of my research Id just be interested in reading a bit about it with regard to peoples views to performances. Can anyone help?

Standard practice in my department is that the vivas are in the morning mainly because there are lunch reservations booked for the examiners supervisors and candidate for 1 so i think its a 2-3 hour process max. Our sups bring in people for about 2 mock vivas with the department lecturers to try and weed out as many questions we can think of. And finally depending on faculty presentations happen. My faculty doesnt have them but some others do. A lot of the German students I know talk about having to present their viva to an audience.

Ithink you can exercise the right to have your supervisors there but thats about it. Supervisors are good to have present because often they can point out things that others wont know about the research when you leave the room.

Ah Possum I think we all know that feeling. Glad you got at least the courage to type it out loud lol!

The laptop thing I get entirely, I ahve a huge pile of books sitting in the corner, looking at me in unread smugness....

As far as I know you dont have to pay it back because a girl in my department left half way through her PhD and I believe the department lost some of its research credits or something because of it. Im not sure how it works but there is some kind of department penalty for it. Best to check with the funding board I would say.

Yello we are on the same deadline so believe me I will try and be motivational but i know its hard, you sound like you are having a stinking time of it with supers etc If it makes you feel better its nearly nine months left, you could grow a baby in this time...see loads of time! lol did that help?

I agree with the others it sounds really positive from your supervisor what a lovely bit of faith she has in your writing I wish I had that lol my sup tells me writing is my weak point! Oh well. But listen go and take some time and recouperate. I dare say there arent that many of us PhD lof who dont get depressed, its just noticing the symptoms and you did, so seriously go and get well and take your doctors advice!

Yay!

You see I knew just by being bluntly honest some other people must be feeling the same way... Have had a shit day today, banks are not friends to PhD students so had to sort out a lot of that crap. Did some writing not as much as I wanted, meant to have a day off tomorro so im gonna pick up the slack there and hopefully feel a bit better. Lara you are right, you do have to treat it like a job, even when you dont want to. Its weird even though I feel like im doing loads I dont have any new chapters to show for it, just freewriting and harvested book quotes, but my sup has my schedule so she isnt expecting anything for another week and a bit. Deffo going to stick to it though, both my supervisors have put aside time to read it when I submit so have to honour that with them.

Tricky, bunnies arent just cute like everybody supposes, they got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses...

Himself tells me that even at PhD its like being in a primary school class with everyone not wanting to put their hand up in case the answer they have is wring, I think its the same with people not wanting to admit to not doing as well or being as ahead as others, I tend to be bluntly honest about it because I cant just be the only one. Im sure loads of people know the feeling so you arent alone. Dont give up your phd because you hate it, most of us hate it. Head down and get it done. It just is a small time in the grand scheme of things then you can go terrorise the banks!

xx

Lilliput I just typed out the longest reply but in spell check its ballsed the whole thing and its disappeared but long story short.

Im exactly the same the only way I got over it was getting super organised and making a day planner but be kind to yourself 15 minutes of work a day and you will find you are getting more and more done Its a phobia at the minute that you have, its just that fear cos its been built up so much with your avoidance, I know because thats me.

Listen for your supervisor tomorro can you get a schedule of your submission dates and show them and try and prove that you are working toward something. It is just a confidence thing, start small with 15 minutes a day, set the egg timer and see how you get on. Just write for that amount and keep making little managable bits of work for yourself and before you know it you will be done.

if youre anything like me youre sitting thinking 'I cant do manageable tasks I have so much to do there is no way I can only do that amount' But listen its better than nothing and will get you back writing again. Freewriting is brilliant for getting speed and strength back in writing.

And also I moved out of my kitchen for writing and back into my office cos I found I was watching tv and doing nothing. So Im back in my office doing more work and trying to b productive. Try relocating or if that fails unplug the internet!

Good luck with tomorrow I really think you can do it!

Lol Lara I would hug you if I could! Its so nice that someone else knows the feeling and is giving encouragement. I think on here its like a Quid pro Quo thing, the post thesis waiting for viva people give it to those of us writing up, the writers give it to the 2nd and first years worrying about the practicalities of it all and the second years give their experience to the first years.

At the minute, the only reason im doing this thesis is to get it done. I dont care anymore I just want it ready and handed in. Yes everyone keeps talking about deep seated subject interest etc etc and loving it and all that. But honestly and truthfully, I have none of it left, Im just getting it done now. But I think thats ok. I know a lot of people get put off by all the proclamations that if you hate it and you arent getting your thirst for knowledge quenched then leave, but to me I just think, right now its a job and Ive fannied about for 2 years but this is the serious stuff now and I need to get it done and finished.

PhD students, we think too much. I said let Joan worry for you, just use heas the PhD bible, Im sending that woman a thank you card when I finish. I thank all the people from the 'write your phd in fifteen minutes a day accountability forum' for advising me to get the book!!!

Thanks for replying Lara, I think I have been kind with my time in my schedule, im currently working in a 5k run training and I am so unfit- so it should be interesting lol and goodluck to you in the viva, you sound well prepared though!

Hello all, just returning to see if everyone is still going on well. Its getting a bit scary, I think ive said it before but the previous post there made a good point about it being nice to hear from people who feel behind and panicked and worried. Because I felt like I was possibly the only person so behind in the history of PhD ever, and my fear just was unbelievable. I couldnt work, I felt rubbish about myself, I tried to avoid even thinking about it in case I started to cry but I re read my Joan Bolker book and Im giving it the last push now. At the minute I might be behind a bit but I know it wont take me long to catch up. In the word of bon jovi I gotta keep the faith.

Love to your mammas!

Ah this makes me feel very at home. Ruby and lilliput I relate. Sometimes a lot of the posts on here are a bit scary cos they have all done acres of work and generally make me feel like I have just wet myself and had to sit in it (nice thought no? lol) But its your thesis and can only be done by you and in the end is only for you. So dont worry and just keep going. I maintain most of us just want someone to tell us it will be alright. Im gonna buy one of those weird hug dolls from american inventor that tell you 'EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALLLLLRIGHT'

At the minute I try to get up around ten and be at my desk by 11. Then I try to get a certain number of pages through free thinking if thats what im doing that day. Or if Im working on redrafts etc its long and boring and hateful Ill have a break after a couple of hours and usually keep going till around 7. It depends on what I need done that day.

Ive heard of this before, how does it differ?